Everybody gets a trophy

...I generally don't give out a lot of praise, but I don't waste a lot of energy getting mad— or give up— if they don't take it as seriously as I do. I do let them know whether what they are doing is going to make them into a good drummer or not, but I don't take it as a waste of my time dealing with them; I just do my work regardless, which is to make them learn the thing I want them to learn by walking them through it...

I agree with you. I never drop a student, but I do have to give them a dose of reality. For example, this year there have been a few middle school students who just were not doing work on mallet percussion. I even had emails from their band director asking me to do mallets with them. My reply, "I do mallets in every lesson. We can show them all we want - they need to do the work."

So I usually just have to nicely tell them the reality and say, "We've maybe been getting through one line of mallets per week. Look at how far there is to go in the book. At this rate, you will still be in this beginning book when you are in high school. And depending upon which high school you go to, you might not be accepted into band without being able to play mallets."

As you said, at that point I have done my job. I won't drop the student, and I may not have another talk with them about it for a while. But until that student steps it up, he/she will have to deal with the school band director every day. And the band director gives out grades - I don't.

Jeff
 
I hear you bro...you are dead on with all of this
Just to be clear, I hear you too!

.....you know how many times I have given the same lesson 3,4,5 weeks in a row because as soon as the student leaves, their books and sticks stay in the car until the next drum lesson?
why would a parent want to pay for that ?
.......just pay a sitter

Ha! I had an adult student who did that. It wasn't even his parents money, it was his! Seriously, I felt like he only came to lessons to have some social interaction once a week outside of his day job.

I for one refuse to take on a student who has no intention of putting in work.
that way the parents are not paying for a baby sitter and I dont have to deal with nonsense

if they choose to go pay someone else to baby sit then more power to them and I don't have to hold anyones hand .

Well my friend you're lucky to have built up that kind of roster you can do that. I don't suspect you turned down that many when you first started teaching did you?

When I was teaching, I didn't have that roster to be able to say no.
And then when I moved back to Los Angeles, I was surrounded by so many drum teachers, it became obvious I'd have to pick up the scraps to get established. And that's when I realized, I really don't like teaching that much.

On the flip side of all of this, my buddy (who occasionally posts here) was talking about he took a 6 year old who had mild down syndrome. He said the first three weeks of lessons, the kid just sat there and cried. But now, 6 months later, he has this kid playing songs. Incredible dedication on the teachers part to endure that. Incredible to be able to work through that. But certainly not possible if the only goal was to have super serious students who are dedicated to becoming working pros.

I just had the strangest flashback. I was thinking that my parents' generation said almost exactly the same things - same words at times, even - about my generation back in the 70s.

Spoiled. Expect everything on a platter. Lazy. Not prepared to work. Fishing for compliments and expecting praise for mediocrity. Pretty well the same.

I suspect your are correct.

"Kids are different today, I hear every mother say" was a line from a song, in 1966.

As parents, we want our kids to have things better than we had it. And then, we get surprised our kids don't appreciate that they have it better. When the fact is, they didn't live through whatever we did, and don't know have any basis to know they have it better. Which we then perceive as laziness, or being a spoiled brat.

Any child psychology book show that natural tendency of a child to push limits as far as they can to see where the limits are. Which can drive the rest of us nuts because we have already discovered where the limits are.

Which begs the question, has there really been a steady decline in the western work ethic and character since WWII?
On some levels perhaps, but overall, no. If that were 100% true, technology wouldn't advance. But rather, we see technology jumping by leaps and bounds. If we were truly declining, I'd suspect we'd riding horse and buggies instead of posting online.
 
Just to be clear, I hear you too!



Ha! I had an adult student who did that. It wasn't even his parents money, it was his! Seriously, I felt like he only came to lessons to have some social interaction once a week outside of his day job.



Well my friend you're lucky to have built up that kind of roster you can do that. I don't suspect you turned down that many when you first started teaching did you?

When I was teaching, I didn't have that roster to be able to say no.
And then when I moved back to Los Angeles, I was surrounded by so many drum teachers, it became obvious I'd have to pick up the scraps to get established. And that's when I realized, I really don't like teaching that much.

On the flip side of all of this, my buddy (who occasionally posts here) was talking about he took a 6 year old who had mild down syndrome. He said the first three weeks of lessons, the kid just sat there and cried. But now, 6 months later, he has this kid playing songs. Incredible dedication on the teachers part to endure that. Incredible to be able to work through that. But certainly not possible if the only goal was to have super serious students who are dedicated to becoming working pros.

no I didn't turn down anyone when I first started because I had no reputation yet and no credibility ......and honestly there were times when I wanted to scream and shake some sense into some of these parents


I to have some mentally challenged students.
my first 4 students on Mondays have mental issues such as aspergers, full on autism , etc etc
I honestly get more focus, effort and dedication by far from them than some of the entitled little silver spoon kids I used to deal with.
I fully and completely enjoy working with them because they are blatantly honest, amazingly resilient, and fully dedicated

now days most of my students have come seeking me and know that i don't take on anyone who does not have goals or the desire to play music
 
As parents, we want our kids to have things better than we had it. And then, we get surprised our kids don't appreciate that they have it better. When the fact is, they didn't live through whatever we did, and don't know have any basis to know they have it better. Which we then perceive as laziness, or being a spoiled brat.

I worked hard to get through college, and then when I graduated and finally got a job, I had to move away from home and start from scratch, with virtually nothing to my name. I struggled mightily for the first few years until I got a few raises and learned how to budget my money well.

My daughters are 19 and 22. They have not (yet) been through the same experience as I went through. They are not left wanting too many things, but then again we don't live in a big house, drive fancy cars and go on expensive vacations either. I believe they develop their attitudes towards life based on what they experience as they grow up in their parent's house. If the parents constantly try to keep up with the Jones even if they can't afford to, then the kids learn that behavior. If the parents are real bad with finances and accrue much debt, the kids learn that behavior.

So even though my kids have not been through an experience where they struggled to pay rent or put food on the table, they still want to earn money to be financially independent, and almost never ask us for money for anything. They are anything but lazy, and I would not consider them spoiled, even if much has been provided to them. On the other hand, I know many of their friends, whose parents live well beyond their means, who expect everything to be handed to them. Their friends constantly ask for money from their parents, yet refuse to look seriously for a job.
 
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