Real Band Dilemma....

"and when the band your in starts playing different tunes, i'll see you on the dark side of the moon"

been there, i feel for ya, move on life is too short.

Music is not supposed to frustrate you or loose sleep over.... it's a gift, you're supposed to enjoy it, derive great pleasure from it.

Take a break, get out a breath a bit. The others should understand. Take a sabbatical. Relax.

DrumEatDrum said:

I agree you need to talk to the other guys if they want to gig more.

Quite frankly, with all going on in my life, your band sounds like a dream to me. I've gigged plenty in my life. These days, I'd rather record, record record and play a handful of shows than gig all the time. I can give my kids and future grandkids recordings, I can't give them gigs at a bar.

And if I was in band that rehearsed once a week, and another member said "I want to go to once a month" I'd be tempted to replace that person rather than cut back on rehearsals.

To me, the best solution is simply find a 2nd band. If you have all this free time from not gigging, then fill it! Then you can still go back to your main love when they do have gigs.

It's pretty obvious to all of you this is a hobby band, and not your career, or main source of income, so I wouldn't stress out too much over the issues at hand.

Click to expand...

^this.......................................................

DrumEatDrum said:

I agree you need to talk to the other guys if they want to gig more.

Quite frankly, with all going on in my life, your band sounds like a dream to me. I've gigged plenty in my life. These days, I'd rather record, record record and play a handful of shows than gig all the time. I can give my kids and future grandkids recordings, I can't give them gigs at a bar.

And if I was in band that rehearsed once a week, and another member said "I want to go to once a month" I'd be tempted to replace that person rather than cut back on rehearsals.

To me, the best solution is simply find a 2nd band. If you have all this free time from not gigging, then fill it! Then you can still go back to your main love when they do have gigs.

It's pretty obvious to all of you this is a hobby band, and not your career, or main source of income, so I wouldn't stress out too much over the issues at hand.

Click to expand...

It's that 'disconnect' someone referred to earlier.

I can see no purpose in an unsigned, none-professional, band other than to get out there gigging, with a view to making a bit of money, meeting new friends, and perhaps, who knows, getting see by the right person and getting signed for the big gig (or whatever).

And this far every element of progress we've made (and we've made a lot) has come from gigging. Our album, which we pro-recorded, etc. etc. achieved nowt. Not a thing. People need to hear us play live. And when they do, they love us. We get asked back almost to every place we play. We've got a really good sound. And we're tight with a capital T.

But...we make contacts. Then, because we can NEVER seemingly follow on from those contacts, we lose those contacts. It's really quite frustrating.

On the other side of the coin, our bassist (and singer to some extent) really enjoy recording, and messing around with expensive mixing programmes, and their PA desk, and all that whatnot. Which is entirely fine. I have no issue with that, other than, it's not what I like to do.

In terms of being chucked out of my band because of my 'realignment' it's not something that scares me. Really, it isn't. If they aren't happy with what I'm saying, and feel I'm being disruptive, hell I'll walk. I've no intention of falling out with anyone about this. Notleast the guitarist who is my best friend and whose best man I am at his wedding in January.

In short...there'll be no ruptions. Just "hey guys, this isn't working for me at the moment so I want to adjust my relationship with the band". "Oh, you don't like it?". "OK, then I will play out what's left of 2014 and you can work at finding a new drummer".

Queerly enough though...I got a phone call from singer last night out of the blue who had detected that I was getting a little frustrated at the 'organising gigs' thing. We had a long chat. I made it clear what my thoughts were "no-one's to blame...work comes first....etc...but" and he agreed with some of what I said (especially the rehearsal thing...he thinks we rehearse for the sake of rehearsing...) and disagreed with my view on some other things (that unpaid support slots, regardless of the band we're supporting, are a crock of sh1t )

So I think we're making progress.

Well that's all sorted thanks to the power of group messenging on Facebook.

We agreed we need to get better organised for booking gigs...so are going down an online diary route which we must each keep up to date (we'll see !).

We agreed to reduce rehearsals down to once per month +pre-gig if necessary and set aside plenty of time in rehearsals to attack new songs (with people coming to rehearsals prepped for the songs).

And we agreed to choose our support slots far more carefully. Rather than one band member jumping at EVERY opportunity to do a support slot we agreed on perhaps limiting supports to those we specifically see a purpose behind doing.

We are at our best doing gigs in live music venues with other unsigned bands, mini-festivals, and the like. And we need to be mindful of this and move away from an egotistical attitude towards which gigs we do ("hey everyone on Facebook...we're supporting "..."). It's a trap we've walked into. We need to get out of it.

The best gigs, by miles, we have done are actually these smaller 'pubs with a stage'...lots of them cropping up in the UK these days. Real ale venues with live music. We've played a few, not expecting much, and had a beastly good time. They should be our main priority because they are outstandingly good fun.

Again, to everyone who took the time out to comment on this thread. Thank you.

Hope this works out for you. I'm in a similar situation with a lead singer/bass player who works rotating shifts (ER doc). He's really irreplaceable because you just don't find singers that good locally. We just can't get together often enough to make things work because of his schedule. Frustrating and I suppose I just need to put my energies elsewhere.

eclipseownzu said:

Do the other guys want to gig more? It sounds like you need to sit down with those guys and have a real discussion about what THEY want. If they dont want to gig, your ultimatum is going to fall on deaf ears. If they come out and say that seven gigs a year is plenty and they just want to record, then you need to find another band.

Communication is the key. You cant come in guns blazing only to find that nobody has your back. Get together over a beer and work shit out. If it cant be solved over a beer, it cant be solved.

Click to expand...

Understanding the other person's viewpoint is always the first step in understanding a problem.

+10,000

1. Start with your "This is the best band I've ever been in and it is likely the last band I'll ever be in".

2. Simply state your desire to gig more often.

3. Ask for their input on ways to make it happen.

4. listen to everyone's thoughts and determine if there is any chance of gigging more. If not, don't leave, just start another project.