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  #41  
Old 04-25-2014, 07:04 PM
New Tricks New Tricks is offline
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Default Re: Is *not* being told you played a great gig as good/better than being complimented?

This thread , along an upcoming gig at a crap hole dive bar for almost no money , made me realize how desperate musicians are for "compliments".

I mean, we go through SO much effort just to see someone dance or hear them clap. Countless hours of rehearsals, four hour gigs (playing for nobody 25% of the time) plus another two hours to set up and tear down (at 1 AM), thousands of dollars in equipment expenses

I'm saying this with a laugh but, damn we are a pathetic bunch :)


That said, I'm off to spend a few more hours going over my material for tomorrow's endeavor.
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  #42  
Old 04-25-2014, 07:13 PM
BFrench501 BFrench501 is offline
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Default Re: Is *not* being told you played a great gig as good/better than being complimented?

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Originally Posted by New Tricks View Post
This thread , along an upcoming gig at a crap hole dive bar for almost no money , made me realize how desperate musicians are for "compliments".

I mean, we go through SO much effort just to see someone dance or hear them clap. Countless hours of rehearsals, four hour gigs (playing for nobody 25% of the time) plus another two hours to set up and tear down (at 1 AM), thousands of dollars in equipment expenses

I'm saying this with a laugh but, damn we are a pathetic bunch :)


That said, I'm off to spend a few more hours going over my material for tomorrow's endeavor.
Haha we are a bunch of mugs this is true, but rather be a mug giving up time doing something we love that doesn't ruin our lives, than going to a casino and giving away hard earned money to companies that have no idea of what morals are, and subsequently wrecking our lives. :-)
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  #43  
Old 04-28-2014, 09:58 PM
Otto Otto is offline
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Default Re: Is *not* being told you played a great gig as good/better than being complimented?

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It seems to me that an emotionally mature response to feedback comes from having a managably small ego but a resilient and stable one.
I think MANY musicians and musical projects have faded because they didn't get this idea.

I would like to see personality development being addressed as part of musical instruction...kind of like how we want martial arts instruction to contain a bit of moral instruction.

I have seen so many drummers with technical ability but no expression of themselves beyond the technicality...and I blame their musical masters.
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  #44  
Old 04-29-2014, 12:22 AM
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Default Re: Is *not* being told you played a great gig as good/better than being complimented?

I suppose being told you played great is always better than silence but at least no one was complaining, eh? It's always made me wonder when we think we played bad as a group and
those nights seem to be when we get the most accolades from the audience.
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  #45  
Old 04-29-2014, 03:55 AM
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Default Re: Is *not* being told you played a great gig as good/better than being complimented?

I suggest we compliment our band mates instead. I joined up with a few guys last winter and the guitarist complimented my pocket after a few rehearsals. Then the bassist said he rather play drums unless I was behind the kit, then he'd rather play bass cuz it felt so good. These two compliments really blessed me, and it motivated me to practice more diligently. It also led me to listen more carefully to THE SONG.

I began to compliment my mates as well. Simple things like "nice run" and "I dig that pedal's sound" to "your riff makes that song". This really helps bring the band together and makes our music much more enjoyable, too.
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  #46  
Old 04-30-2014, 09:25 PM
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Default Re: Is *not* being told you played a great gig as good/better than being complimented?

I get loads of compliments, even when I think I played horribly. (Maybe because I'm female?)

Here's an exchange from last weekend:

"That was great! You're an awesome drummer!"

"No, actually, I'm not. I kept dropping my sticks, didn't notice the chain thingy came off the kick pedal, and forgot how to play a song we've been doing for two years!"

... at which point the lead 'ukulele player sidled up and whispered, "Nance ... just take the compliment."
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  #47  
Old 04-30-2014, 09:30 PM
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Florian Florian is offline
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Default Re: Is *not* being told you played a great gig as good/better than being complimented?

As a referee for the AHL, I was always told that the best refs were the one that werent noticed. Do your job, dont distract from the game and youre golden. I apply the same theory to drumming - get in the pocket quickly and dont be a showboat...just do your job. If I do my job, folks will dance and have a blast - if not, then somethings amiss

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  #48  
Old 04-30-2014, 10:06 PM
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Default Re: Is *not* being told you played a great gig as good/better than being complimented?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anon La Ply View Post
I would love to be so secure that compliments, criticisms and being ignored didn't touch me - to be sure enough of myself that I didn't inwardly preen when patted on the head or bristle and smart when dissed.

I feel kinda pathetic when I have those automatic reactions. It seems to me that an emotionally mature response to feedback comes from having a managably small ego but a resilient and stable one.
A little over thought perhaps? Compliments are easy. Just say no. I mean just say thanks.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nancy_C View Post
I get loads of compliments, even when I think I played horribly. (Maybe because I'm female?)

Here's an exchange from last weekend:

"That was great! You're an awesome drummer!"

"No, actually, I'm not. I kept dropping my sticks, didn't notice the chain thingy came off the kick pedal, and forgot how to play a song we've been doing for two years!"

... at which point the lead 'ukulele player sidled up and whispered, "Nance ... just take the compliment."
Disagreeing with someone's positive assessment of your playing can be taken as a mild insult by some. Your uke player was right, just say thanks. No need to overthink things here or provide reasons why you are not the awesome drummer this person thinks you are. You were that awesome drummer until you "corrected" that person. This person brought you a nice gift of words, and you threw it in the trash, that's the other side of the issue. I'm not saying this to be mean, I'm saying it so in the future you don't possibly insult someone.
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  #49  
Old 04-30-2014, 10:16 PM
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Default Re: Is *not* being told you played a great gig as good/better than being complimented?

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Originally Posted by larryace View Post
Disagreeing with someone's positive assessment of your playing can be taken as a mild insult by some. Your uke player was right, just say thanks. No need to overthink things here or provide reasons why you are not the awesome drummer this person thinks you are. You were that awesome drummer until you "corrected" that person. This person brought you a nice gift of words, and you threw it in the trash, that's the other side of the issue. I'm not saying this to be mean, I'm saying it so in the future you don't possibly insult someone.
You're right, and I know that in my head -- it's just hard to put it into practice. Next time I'll handle it better.

Admitting I have a problem is the first step.
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  #50  
Old 04-30-2014, 11:10 PM
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Default Re: Is *not* being told you played a great gig as good/better than being complimented?

It's very common, I wouldn't call it a problem, just something that needs a little adjustment. Social graces is all it really amounts to. When someone does or says something nice to/for you, just accept it with a smile.
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  #51  
Old 05-01-2014, 12:59 AM
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Pocket-full-of-gold Pocket-full-of-gold is offline
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Default Re: Is *not* being told you played a great gig as good/better than being complimented?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Florian View Post
As a referee for the AHL, I was always told that the best refs were the one that werent noticed. Do your job, dont distract from the game and youre golden. I apply the same theory to drumming - get in the pocket quickly and dont be a showboat...just do your job. If I do my job, folks will dance and have a blast - if not, then somethings amiss

F
But you want the players to be noticed though don't you? They're the ones people have paid to come and see.

Using this analogy I see the ref as being more akin to a stage hand or production/drum/guitar tech etc......someone who is there to ensure the natural flow of the "game" isn't interupted, but who shouldn't be trying to determine the overall outcome themselves. A players role is completely different. Whether they play a laid back supporting role or an in your face "starring" role, they're an active contributor. Whilst I definitely agree that they have to do their job.....everyone does, I don't think that by doing so it means they have to disappear, as such.
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  #52  
Old 05-01-2014, 01:30 AM
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Default Re: Is *not* being told you played a great gig as good/better than being complimented?

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Originally Posted by larryace View Post
A little over thought perhaps? Compliments are easy. Just say no. I mean just say thanks.
lol - I'll take that advice. If everyone was brutally honest ...

Punter: Hey, I liked your playing! I've seen tons better but you are good.

Me: Nice of you to say. The playing was very ordinary, but we were an improvement on crowd noise. Now please excuse me, I want to talk with people I know.

:)
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  #53  
Old 05-01-2014, 02:06 AM
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Default Re: Is *not* being told you played a great gig as good/better than being complimented?

It's also good to return a compliment with a compliment. You have excellent taste in music and eyebrow proportions for instance
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