Moral Dilemma: What would you do?

What about sharing the gig?

I actually have considered this. He's definitely first call on my sub list, no question. :)

I have another possible solution to the situation--switching instruments! I discussed this with the band leader, and he's game for giving it a try. I'm going to work up some guitar parts and see if it will work out. The group is "between" guitar players at the moment, and we've been subbing out for the past month, searching for somebody to fill the slot in the lineup. Who knows...I might just be able to get him his gig back, AND get to work with him! We'll see.

I'd probably give the gig back and then resent the guy for the next five years.

I don't want to do that. Plus, I don't want him to have any bad feelings towards me, either. I dunno. I think he should have addressed it like MikeM suggested, which is how I would have approached it, had I been in his situation.

For the record, I don't think he's an ass at all. He just seems to be breaching a line I wouldn't have crossed in the way that he did. I'm sure it was an extremely difficult thing to ask.
 
... I would probably ask as well, in the off chance that the new player isn't liking the group or whatever.

And if the other drummer is just testing the waters, why is it a moral dilemma to say, "Sorry, I gave up other gigs to take this one"?

Would the bandleader take you up on the guitar offer? Seems the band is doing fine without an extra guitar and it would reduce everyone's cut. And if things got tight, you'd be the most expendable ...
 
You have a delicate situation here. On one hand you could shut him down, nicely, but this is bound to make for some taint down the road. I like your guitaring idea, as long as you are just as satisfied playing guitar, and you don't lose any money. This seems to be the most mature solution, but you are giving up the drum spot. A good sub is valuable to have and I wouldn't want to jeopardize that relationship. Tough call. If you give up anything at all you must never let him forget, and should periodically remind him of how he put you on the spot, and you acted highly unselfishly and he owes you for the REST OF HIS LIFE. You could get a lot of mileage from that lol, it may be worth it.
If you do give anything up you should wise him up on the "Indian Giving" thing. Maybe break out the written copy of those unwritten rules.
 
This seems to be the most mature solution,

No mate. This is a job. How would it be if you took on an electrical job due to someone leaving, you put in a solid few months of hard work and then he returns and kindly asks for you to put yourself back out on the street (or relegated you to just driving the van) because he changed his mind? The most mature solution would be for Caddy's mate to realise that you can't give up a gig and then just expect it back because he'd like it to be so.

Whether it ruffles feathers or not, I just don't see why Caddy should be expected to hand anything over. Sure the guy can ask....a bit cheeky for mine, but no harm no foul.....but he shouldn't blink an eye if/when Caddy says "Nup, you asked me to do it for you, I've given up a hell of a lot to accomodate you. I'm sorry and I understand your position but at the end of the day it's unreasonable to expect me to be unemployed because you walked and now wanna come back."

Sharing gigs or playing guitar isn't maturity at all......not when it's gonna put him out. Maturity is the other guy accepting his loss and finding something else to do with himself.
 
Well, seems there's friendship involved here and that's a different ball of wax, but Im having a hard time putting myself in his shoes and asking for my gig back..
 
To me, it all comes down to: What were the expectations about this? Like, did he say, and did you agree to, something like: "I am leaving town for five months and I'd like to ask you to fill in for me while I'm gone. When I return, you agree to give the gig back to me."

If that's the arrangement, you have to honor it. If it was more like, "I'm moving away and I want to make sure my old band gets a good drummer to replace me. Do you want to do it?" then you should keep the gig if it is working out for you and the band.

If it's not that clear-cut, you need to recall as best you can.
 
I'd cut the guy some slack for asking: remember he didn't want to come back, it was his wife who couldn't settle in the new environment. So I can see his point, but at the same time he shouldn't expect to get a "Sure mate, have it back!" from you.

Offer him the sub and leave it at that. Instrument-moving could get messy in the long run.

Just my 2c.

Dutch
 
And if the other drummer is just testing the waters, why is it a moral dilemma to say, "Sorry, I gave up other gigs to take this one"?

The more I think about it, and the more I talk with people about it, the less this seems like a moral dilemma. I would love to be "that guy" who would give his gig back, but I enjoy the gig and count on it as part of my income now. Oh, and I'm playing bass in the band, by the way.

Would the bandleader take you up on the guitar offer? Seems the band is doing fine without an extra guitar and it would reduce everyone's cut. And if things got tight, you'd be the most expendable ...

I talked with the bandleader, and he's totally up for trying it out. We're actually looking for a new guitar player at the moment, which is why I brought up the possible switch to guitar--it would also save the band the trouble of looking for a new guitar player.

No mate. This is a job. How would it be if you took on an electrical job due to someone leaving, you put in a solid few months of hard work and then he returns and kindly asks for you to put yourself back out on the street (or relegated you to just driving the van) because he changed his mind? The most mature solution would be for Caddy's mate to realise that you can't give up a gig and then just expect it back because he'd like it to be so.

Yeah. I've heard so many analogies that people have offered regarding this situation. I'm getting a clearer picture of what this looks like "from the outside".

To me, it all comes down to: What were the expectations about this? Like, did he say, and did you agree to, something like: "I am leaving town for five months and I'd like to ask you to fill in for me while I'm gone. When I return, you agree to give the gig back to me."

There were no expectations or agreeing to give the gig back or anything. He was moving to a new town. Clean break. Not coming back. Giving up the gig due to moving. We happened to talk, and I happened to get hooked in. It was (is) my gig.

I'm looking forward to talking about it with him tomorrow. I'm going to tell him that I can't give up the gig, but I am going to try out the guitar thing, and if it works out, he's golden and we finally get to work together after all of these years. If not, he'll be a great first call if I need a sub. Thanks everyone for your input! :D
 
I'd probably give the gig back and then resent the guy for the next five years.

lol!

I'd want to know about his situation, like is he happy, Is he employed, how's the move back affecting him, etc. If he looks like lifes' been rough lately I'd give him the gig back. Sounds like he's just trying to settle in again from the recent departure.
 
The more I think about it, and the more I talk with people about it, the less this seems like a moral dilemma. I would love to be "that guy" who would give his gig back, but I enjoy the gig and count on it as part of my income now. Oh, and I'm playing bass in the band, by the way.

A nice attitude. It feels good to be generous but it depends on whether you have the wiggle room in your lifestyle, and how it impacts others who could be affected by your income (or lack).

Gee, you get around - drums, tuned percussion, guitar and bass. Do you have a preference? Do you get the chance to do any home recording? I take it this other bass player would be fun for you to play guitar with. I also take it you sometimes "hear" guitar parts in the music and want to have a go at making them happen.
 
Two years ago I got asked to fill in for a gig because the drummer kept missing gigs for various reasons - the last being an injury sustained during a hunting trip. I played the gig with one abbreviated practice and less than one week with them under my belt, and more than half of the songs were originals that I obviously didn't know. The band was pretty impressed with my playing cold like that (I listened to some of their demo recordings to get some familiarity of the songs).

So the other drummer shows up at the gig, and after listening to us play, knew he was in trouble. He begged the bandleader to get his job back but they eventually said they were giving me the job. It was very awkward for me, since I was caught in the middle and didn't want to start off by pissing off someone. I thought I was just filling in for one gig, but two years later I'm still playing with them. I was fortunate in that the band decided whether they wanted him or me.

You seem to be going way over and above the call of duty here, by offering to switch instruments, thereby putting yourself at risk of being shuffled out of the band at some point. I would have told him that I gave up other gigs for this one, and see what his reaction was. He should understand, and if not, then he's being the jerk and then I wouldn't offer him anything.
 
Turn of events...the other guy plays guitar as well, and has fronted other bands playing guitar in the past. This situation couldn't have worked out better. He's going to take over the guitar chair, and I'm going to stay on bass. Win/win. Well, unless it doesn't work out for some reason, but it definitely seems like it's going to.

Thanks for the advice/input, everyone!
 
First rule of both life and drumming is this,
"You Can't Go Home"
Meaning,
If you give up a gig then it is lost.

Going back never works anyway. I have gone back to a few bands because they asked me to come back.
I never stayed.
After I returned, I realized that I left for a reason the first time.

If your friend comes back he won't stay.
He will use it as a temp gig and he will leave again.

Tell him No in a nice way if you really want the gig.

x2 on that action. i have seen that same scenario many times.
 
Turn of events...the other guy plays guitar as well, and has fronted other bands playing guitar in the past. This situation couldn't have worked out better. He's going to take over the guitar chair, and I'm going to stay on bass. Win/win. Well, unless it doesn't work out for some reason, but it definitely seems like it's going to.

Thanks for the advice/input, everyone!

So who's the drummer??
 
Back
Top