Hey look, a distraction

Duck Tape

Platinum Member
I got in a bit of a state tonight and in a moment of reflection I thought about how much energy and thought I put into drums, not only in my drumming and bands themselves, but also this website and getting the retail bug for new gear etc etc etc. An older drummer friend of mine gave me a gentle warning not to waste my life practicing... he knows that I try to get about an hour a day, which I think is not enough now that I've gotten a bit more dedicated.

My ex gf criticized me for wanting to get my daily practice in, even if it meant telling her to go off and do something else. There have been other criticisms here and there, also from family.

I hold the view that there are obsessive people and then there are people who go through life not needing to focus or fixate on anything too intently. The obsessive people all find something to focus their obsession on, whether they break that up over several hobbies or just one thing. I believe I am one of those people. Before drums it was cars.

And maybe it's just up to us to feel no shame for what we are.

Any practice/gear junkies out there got any regrets or should we go on enjoying what we love?

Didn't wanna get sentimental or anything but I thought someone might say something cool about this..
 
I have been playing drums for 30 years and as much as I love making a living playing I also enjoy practicing very much .

I enjoy improving, paying attention to small dynamic details and working on making things sound the way I feel they should

if your friend doesn't want to "waste" his life practicing that is fine.....but I have to be honest.....that is some horrible advice

thats like saying to a defense lawyer.....don't go wasting your time studying law, just get out there and defend someone .......good grief !

to keep myself driven I have always had the mindstate of.....if I am not working on my craft all the others who are will take my spot.....even if it's not true it helps me stay motivated to work on those things that I know need work and can be better

I want to be the one always striving to be better tomorrow than I am today
better at the business side of things
better at making songs sound the way they should
better technically etc etc

improvement is the ultimate reward....but it happens slow like losing weight ...so most lose patience with it

as for gear.....I own 4 Gretsch kits that I love and more than a few sets of cymbals.....so yeah ...I'm a bit of a gear junkie as well

do YOU brother........don't worry about friends advice or girlfriends being bothered....

if you feel you need to and want to practice ....go do it

so many people want to be musicians.....but so few of them are willing to sacrifice and be dedicated to honing a craft
 
And maybe it's just up to us to feel no shame for what we are.
Any practice/gear junkies out there got any regrets or should we go on enjoying what we love?

We shouldn't feel any guilt for having a passion for something. I don't call it obsession. I personally try to work my stuff around my obligations in life just to make having to do these obligations run more smoothly

This is along the same lines as something I talk to my wife about often...btw one of her passions is playing soccer...

We can't get our heads around the idea of people not having a hobby/passion/whatever for something. The number of people I know that have NOTHING OUTSIDE OF WORK & TV amazes me. I mean nothing - no music collection, no simple tools/skills to fix something in their own home, they don't play any kind of sport, don't collect stuff, don't even READ books etc. etc... I'm not talking about stuff that takes money do get into.

I mean how shallow can a life be?
We need this sort of stuff to make us richer individuals.
 
Questions...what did you do to get you in that state? Also, do you feel shame sometimes for being a drummer? If you do, would you feel that way if everyone in your life was cheering you on? I think the shame comes from others negative opinions, I'm trying to verify that in this case.

Comment: Perhaps what's why she is your ex GF.

Commentary: Sometimes I feel like, here I am a 54 YO man playing drums, and sometimes I think others look upon that as tsk tsk tsk, never really grew up....Other times I feel like king of the world for playing drums....and everything in between.

I try and accept myself exactly as I am, no excuses, no apologies, this is who I am. Do I look at others who have more, and have taken a more traditional route as better than me? Sometimes yes. But it doesn't last. In the end this is who I am and I own it.

I look at the overacheivers in life and envy them sometimes for the big houses and scads of money they have. I wonder why I never had that drive, and sometimes question myself. But in the end, I like who I am. Which isn't to say that sometimes I have doubts. I do think those doubts come from others opinions of me, namely my family. I think they are the basis of all my doubts, because I'm pretty sure they wish it didn't define who I am. I was just recently called a slug by my older sister. (behind my back) That kind of hurt, because I am able to support myself and others, maybe not in the grandest of styles, but I don't live in a slum, not even close. So it's those opinions by others I care about that make me second guess myself. But you really can't change my spots. This world needs more acceptance of others.

What was the question?
 
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An older drummer friend of mine gave me a gentle warning not to waste my life practicing... he knows that I try to get about an hour a day, which I think is not enough now that I've gotten a bit more dedicated.

- Doesn't sound like this drummer told you not to practice, just to leave enough time for other things in life that count.


My ex gf criticized me for wanting to get my daily practice in, even if it meant telling her to go off and do something else.

- No wonder she's your EX gf, lol. I wasn't there and don't know your ex, but I don't think most people would think practicing an hour a day is unreasonable. If you added 3-5 hours a day on drumming websites and didn't leave enough time for your relationship with her, then she had a valid reason for moving on.


I hold the view that there are obsessive people and then there are people who go through life not needing to focus or fixate on anything too intently.

- And then there are people who find balance in their lives, and dedicate themselves to their activities such as drumming without obsessing over them. I'd take having both significant others and family members state that I'm crossing the line as a possible indication that I might be crossing the line. A lot of household name pro musicians will tell you that one of the best ways to improve your playing is to go fishing.
 
My view is it's all about balance and that can mean something different to each individual.

Like Anthony, I love to practice. I love learning and being a better 'me' than I was yesterday. At this stage of my life I'm unable to focus much more than 90 minutes a day. I don't mean I get to practice every day. Sometimes I go 4-5 days in a row without touching a pair of sticks. Sometimes I get to practice for a 10 days stretch. It depends what else is happening at the time.

This all being said, as important as it is for me to practice and love to listen, learn and sometimes acquire new gear (mainly cymbals), I place none of this before my wife and child.

That doesn't mean I don't make time for the instrument, to the contrary I ensure I make time for the instrument but I always try to schedule my time around whatever else is going on with them. Once they go to bed, I use that time almost every single night to listen to a full CD. I mean really listen to it as an active listener - not as background music.

I don't like gigging because for me, that infringes most on family time and I'd rather be with them than on any stage playing any style music.

Yes, I do know people who other than cutting the grass and watching TV, they have no other interests. I don't understand it either but then within conversations with these people, they have no concept whatsoever of how anyone in their right mind could spend so much time and money on any hobby or interest. We're even.
 
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An older drummer friend of mine gave me a gentle warning not to waste my life practicing...
Well, that attitude might work well for him .... and he's welcome to live his life that way.You, however ..... are a different person. If there are other things that make you happy, I'm sure you exercise that diversity, as well.​

My ex gf criticized me for wanting to get my daily practice ....
And, like others have said, there's a reason why she's an ex.​


Any practice/gear junkies out there
Yeah .... and I have no regrets. I have seven drum kits, and the only justification I need .... is because I want them.​
Musicians are artists. We don't tell painters to stop painting? Woodworkers to stop carving? Everyone needs to find their own joy. Bookworms like to read. Movie buffs watch film. You were into cars. (That can be an expensive hobby) Now drums. No harm, no foul. Life's too short to just eat, work, sleep. You're responsible for your own happiness.​
 
Many great comments above. Live *your* life the way you want, with happiness, and no regrets. If its drumming many hrs per day, so be it. Who is that hurting? Nobody.
 
...don't worry about friends advice or girlfriends being bothered....

if you feel you need to and want to practice ....go do it

so many people want to be musicians.....but so few of them are willing to sacrifice and be dedicated to honing a craft

That's an easy perspective, easy in theory,a bit harder in real life...

Yes, it takes a lot of sacrifices to become a working musician, to get better every day and focusing our attention to music and drums...

But... there's a but somewhere here, what about the girlfriend or the wife, the children, the family... they have a life too, and they want to share it with you, if you practice every day, go to rehearsals, gig during the week end and spend a lot of time here on the forum, not counting the day job as well, when are they going to see you and have quality time with you, 10 minutes per day? only at meal time? once a year during the holidays?

It's all down to balance and priorities in the real life, they need to be able to have quality time as a couple and as a family while understanding the need of the drummer to practice and enjoy everything that is about drumming, it's in house politics, you have to get the perfect triangle, the life of drums, the family life and the love relationship.

I for one can sometimes struggle with it, music, drumming and art are my passions and this forum is extremely addictive. I've been told a few times too much is too much, they said I live in a different world sometimes... and upon reflection, they're kinda right.

Don't get me wrong, they do understand and share some of my passions, but they need me also, it's all about making everyone happy in their own cells.
 
That's an easy perspective, easy in theory,a bit harder in real life...

Yes, it takes a lot of sacrifices to become a working musician, to get better every day and focusing our attention to music and drums...

But... there's a but somewhere here, what about the girlfriend or the wife, the children, the family... they have a life too, and they want to share it with you, if you practice every day, go to rehearsals, gig during the week end and spend a lot of time here on the forum, not counting the day job as well, when are they going to see you and have quality time with you, 10 minutes per day? only at meal time? once a year during the holidays?

It's all down to balance and priorities in the real life, they need to be able to have quality time as a couple and as a family while understanding the need of the drummer to practice and enjoy everything that is about drumming, it's in house politics, you have to get the perfect triangle, the life of drums, the family life and the love relationship.

I for one can sometimes struggle with it, music, drumming and art are my passions and this forum is extremely addictive. I've been told a few times too much is too much, they said I live in a different world sometimes... and upon reflection, they're kinda right.

Don't get me wrong, they do understand and share some of my passions, but they need me also, it's all about making everyone happy in their own cells.

Good post, maybe the best thing to do is get our girlfriends/wives and kids playing guitars and basses and get some family bands going. I know I wanted to play with Laurie Partridge when I was 12. Cough, cough.
 
That's an easy perspective, easy in theory,a bit harder in real life...

Yes, it takes a lot of sacrifices to become a working musician, to get better every day and focusing our attention to music and drums...

But... there's a but somewhere here, what about the girlfriend or the wife, the children, the family... they have a life too, and they want to share it with you, if you practice every day, go to rehearsals, gig during the week end and spend a lot of time here on the forum, not counting the day job as well, when are they going to see you and have quality time with you, 10 minutes per day? only at meal time? once a year during the holidays?

It's all down to balance and priorities in the real life, they need to be able to have quality time as a couple and as a family while understanding the need of the drummer to practice and enjoy everything that is about drumming, it's in house politics, you have to get the perfect triangle, the life of drums, the family life and the love relationship.

I for one can sometimes struggle with it, music, drumming and art are my passions and this forum is extremely addictive. I've been told a few times too much is too much, they said I live in a different world sometimes... and upon reflection, they're kinda right.

Don't get me wrong, they do understand and share some of my passions, but they need me also, it's all about making everyone happy in their own cells.

my family knows that if I don't work they don't eat

there are times when I am not home for months at a time ......it will not always be that way... I have to take the work while I am young and able

this is the life I live and was living it when I met my wife who is also a musician

and Dre said he practices for an hour a day.....thats hardly "wasting" his life

his friend gave him horrible advice
 
my family knows that if I don't work they don't eat

there are times when I am not home for months at a time ......it will not always be that way... I have to take the work while I am young and able

this is the life I live and was living it when I met my wife who is also a musician

Yeah... and it's cool Anthony, it's you livelihood, you need to be in it day in day out :)

Not everyone's a pro drummer, for the majority of the members here, our livelihood comes from our day job, not from music.

It's obviously different for the pro drummer, they live it to the full everyday, my post was more directed to those like me, with a day job and a family, drumming is a "hobby", although it take all my free time whenever I can.

As I said it's about balance and priorities, if anything, the family comes first, the drums second.

As for Dre, it's up to him to decide those balance and priorities according to his politic triangle in his house. It's fine to say "go ahead, practice to your heart's content and don't care about the rest of the family", but it can lead to trouble.
 
Yes, I do know people who other than cutting the grass and watching TV, they have no other interests. I don't understand it either but then within conversations with these people, they have no concept whatsoever of how anyone in their right mind could spend so much time and money on any hobby or interest. We're even.

I think you, and Dre25, come out ahead in the game of life - they would say you're even.

As mentioned below, I also think balance is the key...
 
Most people have some kind of interest. It seems the norm with people I know for their spouses or family to be fine with a person spending hundreds, sometimes thousands, of dollars on hunting or fishing equipment or golf clubs that they only get to use seasonally. Or they have a race car or something they buy parts for and race once a week for three months. But when playing drums is mentioned I get the evil eye of "you spend your money on toys and take away from your family?". No, I spent money on something that interests me and gives me joy but had enough common sense to know when I do and don't have the money to spare. I can play them anytime of year. I can play them at home, or in a club. This is MY interest. And I don't feel a bit guilty about it.

I explained it to my father in law like this a few years ago: "I don't hunt, I don't fish, I don't have a race car, I don't like to watch TV. I don't bowl, or play tennis or play golf. This is my thing. It's not my only thing I am interested, but the main one. And I like it".

If you were hoarding equipment like crazy, neglecting your job and family, could not function unless your only drumming, then I would call that an unhealthy obssession. But what you do, and I think just about all of us do in some capacity or another, is have an interest or passion in something that gives you pleasure and fulfillment, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Then there are the people that have no interests or hobbies. They just work, and come home and watch TV. I think I'd worry more about someone that only did that than had a passion for something.
 
Good topic. Good replies.

I hold the view that there are obsessive people and then there are people who go through life not needing to focus or fixate on anything too intently. The obsessive people all find something to focus their obsession on, whether they break that up over several hobbies or just one thing. I believe I am one of those people. Before drums it was cars.

Everyone is obsessed. If not with abstractions and ideas then they're obsessed with relationships / sex / breeding / nesting. Or they're obsessed with status / money / power. It always makes me think of the planet of the apes.

Personally, I prefer to tick off the basics and then obsess over hobbies but I collect personality disorders the way kids collect Facebook friends so it's best to disregard any advice that I give :)
 
I definately fit into the 'hobbyist' drummer category. That's why the drums didn't come back into my life until my kids were older.
However, I find time to practice, and sometimes excuses not to!
If that makes me a 'fun runner' rather than an Olympian, so be it.

Oh, got to go now, I'm going to warm up and then run the songs before band practice.

[ A couple of nights ago I was practicing on the midi kit and my 18 year old son wanders into the room and is just standing and smiling. I stopped, took off the headphones and asked him if he needed me for something. Still smiling, he said: "that sounded cool dad". My 19 year old son comes in a little later to get something from the freezer. After he's found what he's looking for and is heading for the door, he turns, gives me a big 'thumbs up' and exits.
I kept playing for a while, 'till I done what I'd set out to. The grin was still on my face as caught up with my wife and told her what had happened.]

Really got to go now. Good luck with your balancing act.
 
I love this woman
..........................

A courageous thing to say to a single middle-aged woman with myriad personality disorders. Anthony. :) Do you have a pet bunny, by any chance? Just checking for future reference ....


I definately fit into the 'hobbyist' drummer ... my 18 year old son...said: "that sounded cool dad". My 19 year old son ...gives me a big 'thumbs up'

Yep, if people are enjoying your practice, chances are you're not a pro and perfecting patterns and licks over a matter of weeks or months. Like you, I play for instant pleasure.
 
Personally, I prefer to tick off the basics and then obsess over hobbies but I collect personality disorders the way kids collect Facebook friends so it's best to disregard any advice that I give :)

Don't fool yourself Grea, getting every thing done and then only then, getting obsessed with our hobbies is actually a very sound advice and makes everyone happy.

I've been having a personality disorder lately, if I get stuck I'll PM you.
 
Here is some old guy advice.

You have one shot at this life. Do what you want with it.

Other people's advice may not be applicable because their situation is different than yours.
 
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