Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

DrummerPady

Junior Member
Hey everyone,
I kind of have a problem and I hope I'm not the only one having it.
Here's the thing:

I'm totally into music and drums,
and when I go out the only thing I can think about is the music that's playing in this place and that I could be playing drums instead of beeing at the party. So when I'm there I can't really flirt with girls except for when I'm a little drunk. Then I don't care anymore about the music and dance with everybody and I'm kind of charming.

Well, the problem is that I don't want to have to be drunk if I want to get something started with a woman. Sometimes I wished I had girlfriend but my mind says "girls are bad, they steal your time to make music".

I can't support this anymore, because I don't know what I want.
Do I want a girlfriend? -Yes
Do I want have to spend time with her? -No
Do I want to become a professional musician? -Yes
Do I want to have someone to rely on? -Yes

I hope you might have some experience and can help me, or advise me to do something.
If you want to you can say: "hey bro, you're crazy".

Ok,
thanks for reading this and I hope you can understand what I'm saying.

Greetings from Switzerland
Pady
 
Do you really think you are charming when you are drunk? I doubt it.
 
Yes, when I've drunk a little bit.
Then I don't really listen to the music, but I'm still 100% present.
Ok, charming might be a too strong adjective, but I make funny jokes.
 
It's down to what you want, & how much time you're prepared to devote. If you are totally focussed on a drumming career, & that's your 1st priority, then you need to work out if you've got enough time spare to forge a meaningful relationship. If you can't spare the time, then don't bother looking for a partner. If you can, then go for it.
 
It wouldn't be about sex or anything you just mentioned, it would be because I like her and want to be with her. And I'm spending so much energy and time into drums I'd like to have someone to can rely on.

But,
I'm afraid you're right, it's not the right time for me to have a girlfriend, I'm not enough mature for this.

It's time to play drums and to stop thinking about how it could be having a relationship.

When did you started to have a relationship? How did you know it was the right time and the right person?
 
Sex, status, financial security.

Sex: can be had at any time Pol. Shouldn't need a steady girlfriend just to get laid.....just a willing participant.

Status: Yep, I'm willing to concede that one. After all, who want's to be the dude everyone takes pity on by trying to continually set him up.

Financial security: Not in my world mate. As I recall, I always had far more cash in my pocket as a single man.

How did you know it was the right time and the right person?

I've had a few "right times" and a few more "right persons"........The answer is simple. The one I married was the one who didn't send me packing. :)
 
It wouldn't be about sex or anything you just mentioned, it would be because I like her and want to be with her. And I'm spending so much energy and time into drums I'd like to have someone to can rely on.

But,
I'm afraid you're right, it's not the right time for me to have a girlfriend, I'm not enough mature for this.

It's time to play drums and to stop thinking about how it could be having a relationship.

When did you started to have a relationship? How did you know it was the right time and the right person?
I'm guessing you're not in your 20's yet? Just do what you do, & if someone comes along who's interested in you, then pick the ball up & run with it. There is no right time, & it's certainly something you can't plan for or control. Have fun, be yourself, then if someone is interested, at least they're interested in you, not the image you may wish to put out there.
 
But how do you handle this, do you all want to invest much time in going out and get to know someone?

If it's a chore then she's not for you. You need a low maintenance gal who has compelling interests of her own and who wants what you want - someone to hang out with when not obsessing over their stuff.
 
How did you know it was the right time and the right person?
IMHO, you will only know that in hindsight. If you meet someone you like to be with, and who enjoys your company for more than a few minutes, make plans to meet up again. If she agrees and you still like to be together, do it again. If it continues to be a fulfilling experience, make it regular. If things go south (no offense to those from that part of the earth) then let go. But only when you have experienced and gotten to know each other will you know if it was the "right time" and if she/he is the "right person."
 
It's always a tough one mate. I know exactly what you're saying, you want a girlfriend, like a proper girlfriend not just a f++k buddy, but you don't know if you can really commit to having one right now due to other things in your life such as music. It's a bit of a paradox really. Being single can in some ways totally focus your mind but you also get times when you just don't feel like doing anything. My suggestion would be to not think about it for a few years. Really get your head down and practice hard, go to the gym, get some kick ass biceps and triceps and quadriceps, try to start getting a name for yourself and then once you feel you're in a stable position in life, that will be the time when you can finally go for it. If you start to go a bit crazy then by all means go and have a shag with someone, just for a bit of release. Then back to drumming.
 
Maybe someone should make a musician dating site. Probably some good money to be made there.
 
It's always a tough one mate. I know exactly what you're saying, you want a girlfriend, like a proper girlfriend not just a f++k buddy, but you don't know if you can really commit to having one right now due to other things in your life such as music. It's a bit of a paradox really. Being single can in some ways totally focus your mind but you also get times when you just don't feel like doing anything. My suggestion would be to not think about it for a few years. Really get your head down and practice hard, go to the gym, get some kick ass biceps and triceps and quadriceps, try to start getting a name for yourself and then once you feel you're in a stable position in life, that will be the time when you can finally go for it. If you start to go a bit crazy then by all means go and have a shag with someone, just for a bit of release. Then back to drumming.

That's exactly my problem.
And I'm doing all this things you're talking aout, I'm going to the gym 5 times a week, I go out like every four months because I'm practicing, and everything I do is because of drumming.

But there are some moments where I would be happy to have someone, right now I'm having such a moment. But there aren't many of these moments.


I want to thank you all for your posts and advices.
 
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