Sounds like it's time to go to your record collection- I suspect you can find Jimmy Cobb, Roy Haynes, Shelly Manne, Louis Bellson, maybe Art Blakey playing a feel you describe at one point or another. Listen to them and see how they handle it. Here's Jimmy Cobb playing a
real dotted 8th/16th-y ride pattern after about 2:30. I'd give it a close listen and see what his cymbal does when he plays triplets on 2 or 4- he may drop out the skip note, or skooch it over to line up with the snare drum, or play the middle note of the triplet accurately with his left while keeping the late SN on the cymbal, or he may just let them flam. It kind of sounds like he's not playing triplets on 2 and 4 that often. Whatever he does, if it's acceptable with the Miles Davis Quintet, it's acceptable for your playing.
Use your own judgment- flamming on weak places in the measure when you play a certain thing is not the worst thing in the world. Neither is changing your cymbal interpretation slightly for a couple of beats to accommodate a comping statement on the drums. Everything doesn't always resolve perfectly.
Something else to think about: Don't get too attached to your intellectual idea of how "your" time should feel. I've done that before, and it just slows you down. You're going to sound like yourself no matter what you do. I personally play mostly a triplet feel, but I'll put it all over the place depending on the tune, the tempo, and the people I'm playing with. Be flexible, and listen to how you sound- I suspect you'll find that the quasi-dotted 8th/16th feel only works in a fairly narrow range of tempos.