What would you do if a band member accused you of stealing his stuff?

H

Hssss

Junior Member
Not too long after I joined a band, one of the guys said a couple of his microphones are missing. The first time he mentioned this, I thought he meant they've been missing since before my time in the band which was a little after someone named Dan left the band. For most every practice session we've had, he talks about it a little more loudly than the last. For the last session after he mentioned it so both me and the bass player could hear, the bass player said something like "Dan is someone who isn't so trustworthy, maybe he took them?", the response was "This was AFTER Dan, I've seen them since After we had Dan"...

What do you do in a situation like this?... He hasn't directly accused me or the bass player yet of stealing them, but it's leading up to it fast!... Shall I tell him I've been in his band too long and practiced his songs too much for stealing 2 mics to be worth it? Shall I do something like ask him the last place he saw it or where he usually keeps it? He said he looked all over his house and all over the practice space...
 
Well, having read your story I think that YOU stole the microphones.
 
Sounds to me like he's kind of the opposite of anal retentive and just dosen't know where he put his gear.Could even have left it at a gig.

Are there drugs or alcohol involved?They have a way of clouding memory and judgement.

People like that usually have a way of blaming the world for their problems.

Assure him that you don't have his stuff one more time,and if he insists you do...punch his lights out............KIDDING.No violence...just politely leave a bad situation that's only going to get worse.

Steve B
 
I'd say if he did accused you then ask him to just search your place. Nothing to lose if you didn'
t stole it. No evidence, no talk. haha

However I feel that your bandmate is just the type that forgets where he puts his stuff.
 
I work at a community college in a department where the majority of our students could be fairly said to have issues with personal responsibility and trust. The one causes them to lose things; the other causes them to turn around and say, "someone stole my stuff!" rather than say, "hey! Has anyone seen my stuff?"

I don't want to sound alarmist, but this kind of insecurity can lead to some serious interpersonal friction down the road. Trust issues over who has the money from the gig, are you looking at my girlfriend, etc. etc.

To do this with a new band member, too, is a little weird and offputting. I would evaluate carefully what else is going on with the guy, and possibly the band.
 
He never really accused you yet. Until he does, I wouldn't even respond. It's his problem, he lost his mics. Then if he does ask if you took them, I'd lighten up the situation by saying something like, "yea, I hope you don't mind. I really wanted them. I really like the color". Just to show how re-diculous he is being (assuming you didn't steal them of course)

Another good tactic when someone puts you on the spot like that (meaning if he accuses you or asks if you know anything about them) is to answer him with a question, and put HIM on the spot. Something like...Do YOU think I took your mics? Keep answering with questions.

If he says yes, he thinks you have his mics.....I'd just laugh it off, like dude, why would I need to do that?
If he says no he doesn't think you have his mics, then you say, well why are you asking me then?....desired outcome.

At some point you may just have to flat out say that no, you don't have his mics but make sure you add that you are kinda disappointed that he would think that about you.

Don't make his problems yours. Make him force the issue first, then deal with it lightheartedly and put it all right back on him by questioning him about his own microphones.
 
Hssss said:
Shall I tell him I've been in his band too long and practiced his songs too much for stealing 2 mics to be worth it?
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Absolutely not. I've dealt with people like him, who are insecure and irresponsible. If you try to "make a case" for yourself, it will only prove your guilt in their eyes. Just deny it, but don't use any rationale to defend yourself, because if you feel the need to defend yourself, "there must be something to defend."

Irrational, I know, but so it is with folks like this. As for the "let him search your place" suggestion, that's a BAD idea for a number of reasons...
 
Good advice here, especially Al and Cad-- and DED-- I'd be thinking about resigning. Trying to prove your innocence, talk your way out of him suspecting you, or otherwise defuse the situation just makes you look guilty. Don't engage him on it unless he asks you about it, in which case you can tell him that you didn't borrow his mics. That should be enough for him if there's any kind of trust at all in your relationship.
 
Hssss said:
Not too long after I joined a band, one of the guys said a couple of his microphones are missing. The first time he mentioned this, I thought he meant they've been missing since before my time in the band which was a little after someone named Dan left the band. For most every practice session we've had, he talks about it a little more loudly than the last. For the last session after he mentioned it so both me and the bass player could hear, the bass player said something like "Dan is someone who isn't so trustworthy, maybe he took them?", the response was "This was AFTER Dan, I've seen them since After we had Dan"...

What do you do in a situation like this?... He hasn't directly accused me or the bass player yet of stealing them, but it's leading up to it fast!... Shall I tell him I've been in his band too long and practiced his songs too much for stealing 2 mics to be worth it? Shall I do something like ask him the last place he saw it or where he usually keeps it? He said he looked all over his house and all over the practice space...
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How do you like your new mics and what brand and model are they? Jk lol

Seriously if you feel like he might be insinuating you took them by all means sit down and confront him about it. I would not be able to be around that kind of tension, talk it out.

I'm glad the guys I play with are financially stable and good family people, I have no time for shady dishonest people.
 
Next time he brought it up I'd say "well...who do you think took them?". If he skirts the issue, I'd say "it sounds like you think someone here took them". He wants to accuse but does not want to take the heat if he actually confronts someone and then it back fires on him. I find when I begin to question someone on why they think or did something they back down and shut up. In other words, "spit it out or shut the f%^$# up". If he comes out and says he thinks it was you, tell him to state why he thinks that. If he is going to accuse you, make him explain why. Put it in his court. I wouldn't be antagonistic about it. Just calmly ask him why. If he is going to accuse you, he owes you an explanation why.

It is kind of a double edge sword: if you don't defend yourself, it looks like you are trying to avoid the issue because you are guilty, and if you defend yourself too adamantly it looks like you are trying too hard to prove your innocence as a way of covering it up.
 
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Ask him what makes and models and especially the serial numbers and assure him that you'll keep an eye out for them.

Dennis
 
Buy the identical mic's, rough them up a bit so they look like the old ones. Then bring them to band practice and say they were a gift from your grandma !

Hilarity ensues. Or punching. Could go either way :)

Seriously, just ignore it til he accuses you, and then if he does accuse you, laugh at him.
 
Couldn't help myself if it were me.....

Masheanhed said:
Next time he brought it up I'd say "well...who do you think took them?". If he skirts the issue, I'd say "it sounds like you think someone here took them".
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I'd pretty much do this^^^

I'd happily goad him into spitting it out. If he's got something to say, he can say it. If not, then shut it.....and keep it shut.
 
Thanks for the replies everyone... I think I'm going to either do what Larryace or Masheanhed said... Thanks guys...
 
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