Hi -
I'm a couple months late in responding, but I’ve been in a similar situation over the last few years and can validate everything jeffwj said. My son Max is turning 18 in a month, has played drums for 7 years, is playing in a prog metal band with guys ten years his senior, and has been auditioning for music schools over the last month.
Here’s my and my son’s experience directly related to jeffjw’s comments:
1. Learning to read is a must, Max has gotten gigs because he can sight read well, and there’s no getting into a music school or program without good reading skills.
2. Getting lessons is important, and the right teacher is key. We were lucky to find a great teacher who clicked with my son and made learning fun for him, tailoring his teaching around my son’s interests.
3. Max joined the high school marching band which had an enormous impact on his chops, and where he learned leadership and diplomacy skills when he became section leader. He joined the high school jazz band to get experience playing other genres and that led to him studying jazz and Latin, and that led to him being a much better overall player. And also as jeffjw noted, he’s played for school musicals and with the orchestra for the community theater company.
4. We haven’t attended any clinics in town, but a local music store puts on several "Rock and Roll Workshops" each year. Kids who attend form bands, learn a couple songs, and then perform in public. Attending them gave my son confidence neither of us knew he had. These types of things are well worth searching out.
5. I have a wide and weird range of musical tastes, and Max has been exposed to all of it, whether at home, in the car, or live. His first concert was John Lee Hooker when he was five, and his most recent was Transatlantic last month. In between he’s been to countless rock and jazz shows, the symphony, the opera, you name it. It's all influenced his playing.
6. Watching, hearing from, talking to, and reading about other drummers – and other musicians – have been huge for Max. The Internet has been a phenomenal learning tool.
7. I can’t over-reiterate jeffjw’s advice to wear ear protection. Hearing does not come back. Ever. Max has been using sound isolation headphones when practicing by himself. They act like regular headphones so you can play along with your iPod, but they reduce external sound levels so you can keep the iPod turned down too.
8. As for sound-proofing: I sprayed insulation into the walls of the practice room, dropped another layer of drywall on the walls and ceiling, created a “plug” that covers the window and covered that wall with rubberized sound-proofing material. The other three walls are covered with acoustic foam (not soundproofing, just sounds better). I also replaced the door with a solid slab, then added a second door (you have to go through two doors to get into the room), and weather-stripped them. Is it soundproof? Not even close. But it knocks the sound down to tolerable levels both inside and out.
I’d like to add a few other comments as well:
A. Players of all ages, skill levels, and instruments are looking for each other on Craigslist. Max struggled finding players at school that had the chops to play the kind of music he was interested in (e.g. Dream Theater), but he found them on Craigslist. Some parental involvement here is suggested, though
B. I play a little bass too and jammed with him as often as he wanted me to when he was starting out. Playing with another person, even a hack like me, taught him about listening and improvising.
C. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I learned to play drums along with him. It’s been a great bonding experience and I actually got good enough to join a band (albeit an awful one). Max and I can talk shop and he knows I know what I’m talking about. Now he’s my instructor. And I am his roadie, drum tech, and bank. Also, with two drummers in the house, my wife is outnumbered and can’t complain about the volume.
D. More about lessons: groove1 points out that without lessons you might learn stuff you’ll have to unlearn later on. Along those lines, without learning proper technique early, a young person can do a lot of damage to ligaments and tendons that will plague them their entire lives.
E. Being well-rounded: Although Max is fanatical about drumming, he takes guitar lessons and studies piano on his own. He wants to be a well-rounded musician and says it helps to know what the guitar player’s talking about when he calls out to go to cut-time after he plays that augmented minor seventh.
Lastly, my wife and I have never pushed him. We've armed him with information, provided support and encouragement, exposed him to as much music and as many opportunities as we possibly could, and the rest has been all him.
Sorry if I’ve been long-winded, but I’m passionate about how passionate my son is. He found something he loves to do, is exceptionally good at it, and is driven to constantly improve. Gotta love that!