Professionalism

KASdutch

Junior Member
Hi guys, so i'll start out with a short background.

A couple weeks ago I accepted an opportunity to play with a female singer/songwriter at a family style restaurant on 4 occasions this month.

While I was setting up I was shocked to see that she had brought an amp and a mic. something we hadn't practiced with and surely didn't need, the restaurant was tiny. She sets it all up and next thing you know shes testing it out and instead of saying check or something similar I felt like we were back in fourth grade as shes shouting "testies, testies, testicles" into the microphone. I'm excruciatingly embarrassed at this point and its a family restaurant.

Furthermore she got several comments to turn down and flat out refused. I kept it down to where you could hardly hear me at all, but she never came down as well.

Now I have three more instances where I am supposed to play with her at this restaurant and quite honestly I'm embarrassed to do so. At the same time I haven't played out in ages and I love the opportunity to do so. Despite everything I actually got two cards from other musicians who marveled at my volume control.

What would you guys do in this situation. Is it wrong to back out on her as I have already agreed to continue playing with her? Or is my sense of pride and professionalism not worth swallowing?
 
You're only responsible for your actions. I would do the three other dates you committed to, maintain YOUR professional behavior at the gigs, and at the end of the run tell her why you won't be continuing to gig with her.

If she's truly offensive, I suspect the restaurant manager will step in before it's all over.
 
Tough call. She doesn't sound that open minded. If she were open minded, I would suggest a gentle conversation about what should and shouldn't be said over a mic. Meanwhile, it's not a reflection on you, as much as her. So I would keep doing the gig, if you like it. Before you set up, you could say something like...Hey last week when you were checking the mic and you said testicles, I felt like crawling in a hole from embarassment. Please don't make me endure that again this week. Have some class. Perhaps she needs to be embarrassed to change things. If you tell her to her face that she embarrassed YOU....hopefully that will be enough. If not, after the gig is over tell her you don't want to play with her anymore because she's inconsiderate and unprofessional. I'd let here have it, for your own satisfaction and also for her to experience consequences of her actions.
 
Thanks for the opinions guys. You're right, it doesn't necessarily speak to my character, but for some reason I still can't help but feeling that it partially does. I think I am going to subtly bring it up to her before the next time we play, I dont quite know how well that will go over considering I really don't know her all that well.

So at this point I do think I will continue as I did commit to this, but I will not continue to play with her after.

Thanks again guys!
 
"Testes?" ugh... heh.. I feel for you! Maybe if you guys were a young punk band at The Warped Tour? But great googa moo! Not a family restaurant!
I play open mics and one is in a room with drop tile ceilings. I play multi rods for volume and try to keep things from getting too loud. If you don't need the volume it will overwhelm the room and no one will be able to hear you! She seems pretty stubborn and naive. My old band's singer dealt with these types of bandmates for years and kept us all in check when we formed. We trusted his experience it served us well. It was a good mentoring experience. Have a good open condo about this to your singer or you may lose your gig.
 
Look embarrased for her.

Appologize where appropriate.

Address it with her.

If no correction, don't work with her again....but fulfill your obligation as long as your compensation/contract is attended to.

Consider adding a 'professionalism' discussion to furthur negotiations...possibly a clause in your contract(s)...

..oh..and record your engadgements...in case you need substantiation...and keep them.

What?...no contracts!...consult an entertainment lawyer and get your business side in order.

live and learn...
 
golden triangle rule: money, music & hang (social thing that include working w/ great or d-bag players and directors). you must have at least 2 to retain your musical journey, professionalism, sanity & pride. my guess is you only had 1 on this gig.
 
You could always say something to the restaurant manager about it.
 
Sorry, I laughed. Was this her first gig?

I think Grace Jones could pull off saying "testes" at a sound check, probably no one else, not even Weird Al.

I think what you need to do - which you'll probably do instinctively - is to distance yourself from the singer and her noobie public ego stroking as much (though subtly) as possible, especially in the eyes of the management if you are interested in gigging there again.
 
You have to decide for yourself. For my part, I don't get involved with people like that. If it were me in your situation, after witnessing it for the first time, I would have a word and make it clear that if it happened again, I would walk out. I haven't got time for people like that.

That's just me though, it isn't right for everybody.
 
A vocalist needs amplification almost no matter what, so I wouldn't be put off by that. The other stuff, though: yeah, I would bail on that situation. Or maybe have a talk with her and see how she thinks the previous thing went, and/or do one more of the dates, and then bail if you still don't like what's going on.
 
This woman, she's hired you to play the drums for her, correct? She's the contractor, you're the sub-contractor, correct?

Unless there are Musician's Union regulations that are being broken, your professional obligation is to play the gig out and take your check. Having done that, you can then tell her not to bother to call you again, if that's what you want.

Last night a bass player and I were talking about all the things we used to put up with from bandleaders for our paychecks. It was quite a list, and it included actual abuse, abuse we, well, I, put up with for the money. Believe me when I tell you that what you're going through is nothing.

Congratulations on doing such a good job at playing softly like that. That's a chop, you know; don't be quiet about it.
 
I would be out of there regardless.

In my day job I work in a regulated industry where association with this type of behaviour could cause me to be sanctioned by my professional body. I don't know why, but I'm much more shocked by the fact its a woman doing this than I would have been if it was a man... I guess that says a lot about my own personal values. Perception and self awareness are the issues here. Is she so divorced from a true view of self that she thinks that this type of behaviour is acceptable, or is it that no one has challenged her regarding this in the past (or indeed is she just mimicking behaviour that she has seen?).

I do think its required to address this with her, but you need to be true to yourself and not put up with her behaviour simply because you don't want to pull out of your original agreement.
 
Life's too short to be passive. Find a way to tell her, but be as cool as you can about it. True, you agreed to do 4 gigs, but you did not agree to be embarrassed and appear unprofessional. Explain that loud volume and dirty jokes on the mic are totally fine at some gigs, but this is not that gig. It probably won't be necessary to quit the gig, but you need to present yourself as if you're not afraid to walk.

If she agrees, give her a hug!
 
Life's too short to be passive. Find a way to tell her, but be as cool as you can about it. True, you agreed to do 4 gigs, but you did not agree to be embarrassed and appear unprofessional. Explain that loud volume and dirty jokes on the mic are totally fine at some gigs, but this is not that gig. It probably won't be necessary to quit the gig, but you need to present yourself as if you're not afraid to walk.

If she agrees, give her a hug!

Don't give her a hug.... That could be misconstrued :-(

And Grea, I know, but I would like to be surprised once in a while by human nature not disapointing me...
 
Professionalism goes a long way in band and gig settings.

If a musician is mind-blowingly amazing, but has an attitude or no maturity, I refuse to play with them. Music is not about who is loudest and who is best - it is about an expression of yourself, and if you can share that with others the expression only compounds itself over and over again.
 
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