A Music Education? The Perfect Wife?

zambizzi

zambizzi

Platinum Member
My wife has always been hyper-supportive of my drumming obsession but now she's taking it to the next level. She's encouraging...no *pushing* for me to take the opportunity to go further and get some sort of formal training/education and really pursue this as a lifestyle.

She's on a kick lately, wanting to do all things that we've always talked about, while we're still young. Do I have the perfect wife?

About a month ago we were watching the MD 2006 Festival video and Dave DiCenso was doing his thing. I made a passing comment about how amazing it would be to go to a school like Berklee and learn from masters like that as a full-time student. She shot back with; "Well, we're young...let's do it!". Of course I thought it was a joke, but she's been repeating it since...I'm starting to think she's serious. We had the discussion again last night and she's almost refusing to take no for an answer with quips like; "We need to do what we want while we're young", "This would be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity", "I want to see you do this and I support it 100%", and so on. I thought men were the ones who typically went through early mid-life crises?

We've talked about moving to the east coast several times over the years, since I have family all over the place back there. I grew up in western NY and would like to be closer to home. I've been eyeballing New Hampshire for a few years and well...it's close to Boston!

Now, I realize that it would cost every bit as much as a formal education in any other field but would most likely never return my investment. If I ever made a life decision that involved music, it would have nothing to do with money and everything to do with doing what I love the most. Those of you that have gotten to know me here know that I have the dedication and work ethic...nothing would discourage me, not even a grueling gamut of formal musical education.

Of course, we have two kids and a life here. I've got a great job with a stable company and life is generally good. My first impulse is to just go for it...uproot and start over. We've done it a few times and we're very resourceful people...it always works out. Then my conscious mind kicks in and begins to reason against it...for obvious reasons.

What the hell is a guy to do!? :)
 
Does your wife have any single sisters?!!??? Wow! Sounds like she is a wonderful lady. And to be so encouraging!!

As with all life experiences, when you are in your 70's or 80's and sitting in a rocking chair looking back on your life, do you really want to wonder what it would have been like "if I'd actually done that", or "I should have done it"... It sounds like you have the drive and passion to succeed, regardless of whatever obstacles are thown at you.
 
rogue_drummer said:
Does your wife have any single sisters?!!??? Wow! Sounds like she is a wonderful lady. And to be so encouraging!!

As with all life experiences, when you are in your 70's or 80's and sitting in a rocking chair looking back on your life, do you really want to wonder what it would have been like "if I'd actually done that", or "I should have done it"... It sounds like you have the drive and passion to succeed, regardless of whatever obstacles are thown at you.
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Ha! Not single, no. They're the evil ones anyhow, apparently I picked the right one.

You know, I was reasoning the same way. Failure or success...at least I could say I hit it head-on and tried. With this kind of encouragement, I'm not sure I can say no!
 
zambizzi said:
Ha! Not single, no. They're the evil ones anyhow, apparently I picked the right one.

You know, I was reasoning the same way. Failure or success...at least I could say I hit it head-on and tried. With this kind of encouragement, I'm not sure I can say no!
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I would say wait a little don't jump on it just yet.

If it were me, of course I would go for it, but I would prepare a little. Because you really don't know what could happen. I would get some emergency money just in case [supposing you don't already have some]. Of course, I am the type of person that just goes on impulses......usually.

But most importantly, if this is something you are really passionate about, by all means go for it.

Good luck.
 
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There are two kinds of musicians, those who have supportive wives and those who are divorced or single.

As far as music education. If you are coming east and thinking about a certification in music ed for K-12, it is a good idea. there is always a need for teachers. But there are maybe two music teachers in a school; some may have several more. But for one music teacher, there are eight or ten English or math teachers. Music is not the most practical choice. If you really would want to teach, does it matter that you are teaching music?

If you are thinking of a prolonged graduate plan with the thought of teaching on a junior college or university level, I would say don't waste your time. I get the e mails weekly from the trade magazines and there are literally no jobs in music education at the collegiate level. And there are a rton of qualified individuals University music teacher is second from the bottom of the list of the 200 hirable positions. The positions that do come up will go to the most qualifed people. So if you get your PHD, you will end up adjuncting for peanuts at several colleges for 8-10 years before you get a job where you are over-worked, underpaid and may not necessarily be doing what you came in to do.

I would not discourage you to go to Berkelee, as that was always my dream too. But the money issue made it an impossible dream. In retrospect, I should have just done it and not let anything have stood in my way.

When you re-enter university as an adult, you will find yourself sometimes alienated by the fact that everyone is so young. If you come out east, there are so many great teachers out here to study with, so even if you don't go to Berkeley, you can still get with a great teacher and become a great drummer.
 
Thanks guys.

I don't see going into education myself as a result of this...it would mostly be for the opportunity to make drumming a bigger part of my life and immerse myself in it for the sake of becoming an excellent player. Like I said, I don't expect to see a financial return on the investment...just trying to be realistic. I've worked in IT as a programmer for 10 yrs. now and while the money is good and the work is fun for me, it's not what I'm most passionate about. So I sit here and I ask myself, do I want to be sitting here in a cubicle for another 10 years, dreaming about what might have been? Or, should I just hit it and see what happens? I'll still have the technical skills in 2-4 yrs. that I have now and would need to work while doing this, anyhow. So, I have a decent fall-back plan...assuming my industry survives the next few years.

I hear what you're saying about the social aspect of going to school as an adult. I'm not too concerned, I guess. I'm mature enough now to be there for the learning experience, all else makes little difference to me.

You're right about the teachers out there too! I'm excited by the prospects of surrounding myself with incredible players out there, should Berklee turn out to be an impossibility. Who knows, maybe that's a better option? I could work and earn more while taking lessons from the best of the best in the Boston and NYC area, as time permits.

Sinsyk - You're right, it needs thought and preparation. I don't have the means on-hand to jump into this tomorrow. I'm thinking we would go sometime after the end of the year, if we do follow through w/ it.
 
It sounds like you're wanting to do it to get more out of your playing. Have you considered doing some "lesson tours"? You could travel to NY and take a bunch of lessons from a bunch of teachers in one weekend and come back with lots to work on from several different drummers' perspectives. Next month, go to Los Angeles for the same thing.

It certainly would be cheaper than a formal education, and you wouldn't have to deal with all of the peripheral classes. A formal education would include ensembles, though, and playing with others is where you get a LOT of your education.

Just a thought. I'd like to do something like this someday. If you're ever en route to Portland, hit me up. I'll get you some numbers of some monster teachers in town...
 
caddywumpus said:
It sounds like you're wanting to do it to get more out of your playing. Have you considered doing some "lesson tours"? You could travel to NY and take a bunch of lessons from a bunch of teachers in one weekend and come back with lots to work on from several different drummers' perspectives. Next month, go to Los Angeles for the same thing.

It certainly would be cheaper than a formal education, and you wouldn't have to deal with all of the peripheral classes. A formal education would include ensembles, though, and playing with others is where you get a LOT of your education.

Just a thought. I'd like to do something like this someday. If you're ever en route to Portland, hit me up. I'll get you some numbers of some monster teachers in town...
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You know Caddy, we have talked about that. I'm not real sure that I'd ever do that, realistically. I've talked about doing that for the past year but of course, other things take priority and it just never happens. I like the idea of the structure of formal schooling, too. Like you said, more is expected from you performance-wise...I like the idea of the goals-oriented approach. I've just been so stagnant lately. I want to play so badly...I want to *improve* desperately...but much of my drive has dropped off due to the lack of goals or structure - even those that I try to impose on myself. I've got the fire - just no oxygen to burn!

Portland is just down the road, I'll definitely keep that in mind, thanks!
 
zambizzi said:
My wife has always been hyper-supportive of my drumming obsession but now she's taking it to the next level. She's encouraging...no *pushing* for me to take the opportunity to go further and get some sort of formal training/education and really pursue this as a lifestyle.

She's on a kick lately, wanting to do all things that we've always talked about, while we're still young. Do I have the perfect wife?

About a month ago we were watching the MD 2006 Festival video and Dave DiCenso was doing his thing. I made a passing comment about how amazing it would be to go to a school like Berklee and learn from masters like that as a full-time student. She shot back with; "Well, we're young...let's do it!". Of course I thought it was a joke, but she's been repeating it since...I'm starting to think she's serious. We had the discussion again last night and she's almost refusing to take no for an answer with quips like; "We need to do what we want while we're young", "This would be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity", "I want to see you do this and I support it 100%", and so on. I thought men were the ones who typically went through early mid-life crises?

We've talked about moving to the east coast several times over the years, since I have family all over the place back there. I grew up in western NY and would like to be closer to home. I've been eyeballing New Hampshire for a few years and well...it's close to Boston!

Now, I realize that it would cost every bit as much as a formal education in any other field but would most likely never return my investment. If I ever made a life decision that involved music, it would have nothing to do with money and everything to do with doing what I love the most. Those of you that have gotten to know me here know that I have the dedication and work ethic...nothing would discourage me, not even a grueling gamut of formal musical education.

Of course, we have two kids and a life here. I've got a great job with a stable company and life is generally good. My first impulse is to just go for it...uproot and start over. We've done it a few times and we're very resourceful people...it always works out. Then my conscious mind kicks in and begins to reason against it...for obvious reasons.

What the hell is a guy to do!? :)
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Hey Zambizzi,

The only advice I have is do what is best for your children - now and for the future.

Best of luck to you and your family.
 
zambizzi said:
My wife has always been hyper-supportive of my drumming obsession but now she's taking it to the next level. She's encouraging...no *pushing* for me to take the opportunity to go further and get some sort of formal training/education and really pursue this as a lifestyle.

She's on a kick lately, wanting to do all things that we've always talked about, while we're still young. Do I have the perfect wife?

About a month ago we were watching the MD 2006 Festival video and Dave DiCenso was doing his thing. I made a passing comment about how amazing it would be to go to a school like Berklee and learn from masters like that as a full-time student. She shot back with; "Well, we're young...let's do it!". Of course I thought it was a joke, but she's been repeating it since...I'm starting to think she's serious. We had the discussion again last night and she's almost refusing to take no for an answer with quips like; "We need to do what we want while we're young", "This would be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity", "I want to see you do this and I support it 100%", and so on. I thought men were the ones who typically went through early mid-life crises?

We've talked about moving to the east coast several times over the years, since I have family all over the place back there. I grew up in western NY and would like to be closer to home. I've been eyeballing New Hampshire for a few years and well...it's close to Boston!

Now, I realize that it would cost every bit as much as a formal education in any other field but would most likely never return my investment. If I ever made a life decision that involved music, it would have nothing to do with money and everything to do with doing what I love the most. Those of you that have gotten to know me here know that I have the dedication and work ethic...nothing would discourage me, not even a grueling gamut of formal musical education.

Of course, we have two kids and a life here. I've got a great job with a stable company and life is generally good. My first impulse is to just go for it...uproot and start over. We've done it a few times and we're very resourceful people...it always works out. Then my conscious mind kicks in and begins to reason against it...for obvious reasons.

What the hell is a guy to do!? :)
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IMO NOW is a bad time for the economics of music. IF you could FIND a job in music, it most likely wouldn't be too stable. Teachers and Professors of music are losing jobs as funding for the arts dries up.

Commerce in instruments is limited to eBay, Big Box stores and now even Best Buy, and sales people aren't making much. Just look at the help at places like GC. It's usually kids with nothing else to do, so they work for peanuts selling equipment to kid's parents who think the kid NEEDS a Joey Jordinson drumkit to be ready for his first drum lesson.

BANDS?? Gonna be a workin' MUSICIAN?? Well, there's less of them and they're making usually less money and playing less venues for less people as less people support live music these days. Venues are closing or changing formats every day. Some eliminate bands altogether as they see it as more mouths to feed. A DJ, or even a jukebox is good enough sometimes.

The business and future of music is on a down slide, and putting your life on it is a hazardous thing at best.

But YES you do have a very special wife, it's a rare thing these days. I'm luckily just as fortunate.
 
hey man, that was a really cool story. I'm sorta going through the same thing. I'm 17 years old and I just decided to go for music and go to school for it. I just applied at Humber college in Toronto. I've been pondering about this since september, "hmm should I go for drumming? should I keep it a hobby" but I just loooove it too much. My girlfriend who I've been with for almost 2 years has been really supportive and actually was my inspiration to go for it. honestly it doesn't seem real until the audition was actually set up and now I'm more excited than ever ever ever ever ever ever. I wish the best of luck to you and your family in whatever you decide on, you guys sound like great people.

Musically,
Brendan Colameco

www.myspace.com/brendancolamecodrums
 
zambizzi said:
What the hell is a guy to do!? :)
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You're screwed , Vin..LOL!

All I have to say is please count all your blessings, because you have many. If there is such a thing a 'happy' problem, you've got one.

Nobody here can tell you what to do but it might help you formulate your own thoughts.

Isn't it freezing cold up in Boston?, and the Red Sox?........oh well..

But on the other hand, DiCenso is not only a monster drummer but also a very articulate teacher/thinker/philosopher with incredible communications skills. A friend of mine was a student of his and cannot stop talking about him.

Good luck, bud.

Oh, and the bit a about whats best for your kids? Whatever makes dad a happy, contented person is whats best for the kids, and the wife.

And she knows it, too ; )
 
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aydee said:
You're screwed , Vin..LOL!

All I have to say is please count all your blessings, because you have many. If there is such a thing a 'happy' problem, you've got one.
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Haha! I definitely do...if a bus hits me tomorrow I will have died a happy man. It's cliche but...life is what you make it.

aydee said:
Isn't it freezing cold up in Boston?, and the Red Sox?........oh well..

But on the other hand, DiCenso is not only a monster drummer but also a very articulate teacher/thinker/philosopher with incredible communications skills. A friend of mine was a student of his and cannot stop talking about him.
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The Sox...don't get me started. What's the life expectancy for a life-long Yankee, living in New England? The cold I can handle...call me sick...but I like winter.

DiCenso is amazing. I just got the MD Fest 2006 DVD and watched his performance a few times...it's definitely one of my favorites of the show. If I could sit down with this guy once I bet I'd never look at music the same again.

aydee said:
Oh, and the bit a about whats best for your kids? Whatever makes dad a happy, contented person is whats best for the kids, and the wife.

And she know it, too ; )
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How funny, that's almost word-for-word what my wife said today. There's some guilt here because they come first - always. If you see me posting a new toy on here...they've already gotten ten-fold. I try not to spoil them and try as I may to be a hard-ass...they get all of the love. When I tried to reason that they should get any and all of these opportunities, not me - she assured me that it would be just as good for them. I don't know if that's entirely true but I don't ever do anything where they aren't the first consideration.

She's been talking about homeschooling again too but only if we move. If that's truly the case, I would be convinced for that reason alone.
 
Brendan - I like the phrase, "Do what you love and love what you do." It's simple but it should be how we live our lives. You won't be young forever so do it now and don't look back. Failure is good sometimes if you use it constructively, success is even better. Thanks for the nice words.

Viper - you're a ray of sunshine! Ha! Just jokes. I know what it's like out there now and I know it'll get worse...much worse. If I master my instrument and learn how to be an artist, never having made a penny from it...I will have called the whole thing a success, and I mean that. I'll always find work and always survive...it's not about money.
 
zambizzi said:
How funny, that's almost word-for-word what my wife said today. There's some guilt here because they come first - always. If you see me posting a new toy on here...they've already gotten ten-fold. I try not to spoil them and try as I may to be a hard-ass...they get all of the love. When I tried to reason that they should get any and all of these opportunities, not me - she assured me that it would be just as good for them. I don't know if that's entirely true but I don't ever do anything where they aren't the first consideration.

She's been talking about homeschooling again too but only if we move. If that's truly the case, I would be convinced for that reason alone.
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Yeah, this is one of life's little paradoxes that took me a while to figure out. And when I did finally have my eureka moment, it was thanks to the old girl.

The real gifts we give to each other, we cant buy in a store.

I'm sure you guys will do the right thing.



PS - here's a beautifully constructed solo by Dave in New Zealand. Check out his ( now defunct) band 2 Ton Shoe.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86QXgdiVGzE


...............
 
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zambizzi said:
Brendan - I like the phrase, "Do what you love and love what you do." It's simple but it should be how we live our lives. You won't be young forever so do it now and don't look back. Failure is good sometimes if you use it constructively, success is even better. Thanks for the nice words.

Viper - you're a ray of sunshine! Ha! Just jokes. I know what it's like out there now and I know it'll get worse...much worse. If I master my instrument and learn how to be an artist, never having made a penny from it...I will have called the whole thing a success, and I mean that. I'll always find work and always survive...it's not about money.
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Well then, other than your love for the Yankees, it seems your heart and mind are in the right place. So long as you have a contingency plan, as you WILL have to pay the rent!!! At least on your death bed you won't ask yourself "Should I have??"

Good luck in whatever path you choose!!
I mean that sincerely.
 
I think you need to find a midway solution to your dilemma before making any major life decisions. When I was in my twenties, I worked in a spiritual rerteat center where I met hundreds of people in their mid-life. Everyone goes through "the what if I could have, I should have" routine. I think it is the same for everybody just simply because the nagnitude of life is so great that no one escapes it, no matter how naive and young one may be. And no matter how much you to try to prepare. Life gets ya in the end.

I knew a woman who wanted to save the world's disabled children. But had never spent a single day working with a disabled child. I knew another woman who was a doctor with three kids and a wonderful husband. She was separated because she wanted to be a musician. We dated once. She loved my free-spiritedness. I thought I was a mess and I thought she was nuts. Abe is right. One needs to count ones blessings in life.

It would seem to me that you could fly out to NY or Boston to take a few lessons with a teacher of your choice depending on what you wanted to learn and what style you were interested in playing. Even if you did this several times a year, it still would not match the cost of moving your family across the country. You could come out with your wife and make a little getaway with it. After doing this for a year or two and getting a stronger grip on what exactly you wanted to accomplish, you would be in a better posttion to make any major life decisions.
 
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