Hi, welcome to the forum. Getting a straight answer on technique here....there is no single straight answer, because there are many different ways to do it. It's not something that translates well via the written word. You will get plenty of "get yourself a good teacher". It's a very polarizing question here, because there are many very different ways to work a drumstick. I think the subject is fascinating myself. There are so many different views on the matter it's like religion. As a result, I don't think it gets it's due time here. Pity, it's at the very heart of playing the drumset.
Since I spend a lot of my time working on my technique, I don't mind putting it out there, damn the torpedos. I use a thumb and index fulcrum, and open and close my hand to make a stroke, keeping all fingers on the stick especially the pinky. If you do a one handed clap, that's the motion I use, except there's a stick in there, and I'm pinching it between my thumb and index finger. Also, the butt of the stick doesn't go past my wrist. That's it. That's one way to do it out of many. The players who look and sound the best IMO are the ones who suspend the stick in their fingers as opposed to holding it like a hammer. Remember, that's just one opinion out of a hundred. You have to research the various techniques and try them and determine for yourself what works for you.
As far as your ride, hi hat and snare heights, that depends on your body type, like clothing. You have to figure out what is most comfortable/efficient for you personally, there's no rules.
As far as where should your wrist be.... that depends on which grip you use and other factors. These questions need to be addressed with you at the drumset and someone else evaluating you. A video of you playing may yield some helpful suggestions.