My Essay on Drums: Drums are My Life

[Obdrummer]

hey guys here is the rough draft of the short essay i have to write for school on an item(s) that is important to me tell me what you think!


Drums are my life
It’s not the best in the world but it gets the job done. Every morning after I take my shower I walk out into the living room where I see my two sparkling drum sets. When I pass by them the give me that play-me-now sparkle bust I must resist because there is dew on the grass and neighbors in bed. The one on the left is the big one, the head honcho, the chief where the one on the left is like its little brother and is meant for a different style, but both are as equally important as each other.
I like them both equally because I need them both depending on what im playing. My little one I will use to play the softer, warm music which makes your ears open up to hear the magical sound. The big ones I use for letting loose and bashing away to heavy and electric music, which is just as pleasing if in the correct energetic mood.
When I play im always wondering is someone is going to complain and say, “Stop making all that noise.” But I feel as if I worry for nothing most of the time. Occasionally I will get the ever so irritating “play quieter” from one of my brother but I usually ignore him knowing that this is more important then whatever is doing.
When I play my gleaming drums they talk to me, it’s a feeling like no other; it’s a feeling you can only experience once you fully understand the instrument. When in the trance they give it feels as if you are in another world where only you and the drums lie, where there are no distractions from people, distractions from cars, distractions from everything. It’s like a natural high to me and it starts as the stick first hits the coarse surface of the drumhead.
I chose these items for my essay because it is something I truly love, something that I will play for the rest of my life, something that I want to stay in contact to for the rest of my life, and most of all something that is a main part of my life I would even consider it as important as a pen for a writer, its something I can not live without.
So every time I step out of the steaming shower I know that my drums are there in the living room calmly but anxiously waiting for my return, to play them once again and satisfy my yearning for a beat, groove, and song all at once.


just ignore the typos if there are any

[PreppieNerd]

The essay clearly show that you like the drums a lot. One thing that would strengthen your writing would be to try to eliminate as many cliches as possible. These are the "poetic" phrases that get used and over-used. They make the paper less effective.

You might want to take a more concrete approach. Think about what the drums add to your lifestyle, personality, etc.

Also be careful with your words and their connotations. Some of the way you said things had a lustful air to it, which may not be appropriate for this assignment, unless you were going for an erotic mood.

[esspwebmaster]

Good work guys i appreciate it any but to make it professional just check

[Funnyman]

If I were you, I would go by the way my English teacher made us write.

Thesis

Reason 1.

Reason 2

Reason 3

Conclusion

A paragraph for each reason. You would most likely score a higher grade.

It's essay time! Enjoy...

I'm not sure how old you are, but I'm not sure what you've written qualifies as an 'essay'. I think Funnyman has described a great way of writing an essay. Exposition, theory, recapitulation - a bit like sonata form.

Maybe I come across as a little harsh. Apologies, I've had several cups of very, very strong coffee.

[Travis22]

Enjoyed the read, however, if this is a rough draft, let me just point out that it's kinda hard to have both drumsets on the "left." :-) Dang typos, I have them all the time too.