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Old 10-09-2012, 09:01 AM
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Bo Eder Bo Eder is offline
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Default We really are different!

Hello all,

As most of you know I've been going through the death of my father and I wanted to put out a general "thanks" to all of you who've contacted me either in the threads or via private message expressing your condolences. I truly appreciate all the good vibes I'm getting from my Drummerworld brethren. And I must state, that I'm beginning to believe that drummers really are different from other instrumentalists. We get into alot of heated debate every now and then, but no one seems to forget the important things like family and taking care of your fellow human being after all is said and done. Someone told me today that you can tell when people are cool when nothing seems to phase them, and drummers are like this. We're not so focused on ourselves and can laugh at alot of what we do. We're snarky in a funny way and in the end it's all about having a good time (in addition to having good time ;) {See what I did there?}

Although work gave me time off for this entire week as I help mom settle in and prepare for family coming in to celebrate my dad's life, I did make an attempt at some normalcy today by going to a rehearsal with my high school show choir kids (they have their first show this coming weekend, and they haven't gotten a chance to rehearse with me until now. So I wanted to post a couple of driver's seat pics so you get a chance to see what I have to deal with. Having that 24" ride is a true God-send. I love that instrument so much, and coupled with the 17" phat-hats, some of the kids did notice I have a different sound going on that they hadn't heard before. My playing tonight with them was pretty intense and they loved it. I even forgot some of my reality for a bit during this six-hour rehearsal. So my lipstick red Granstars live with the kids at the school, and I do have a crew of four girls who are in charge of it now, I just bring my cymbals and sticks. It's good to be me sometimes ;)
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Old 10-09-2012, 09:11 AM
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Default Re: We really are different!

Yes, sometimes we're different in a good way :) It's at times like these that we re-evaluate and shuffle our priorities back into order of real importance. That's another unintentional gift that your father left you Bo, & it seems like you're making the most of it.
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Old 10-09-2012, 11:34 AM
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Default Re: We really are different!

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Originally Posted by keep it simple View Post
Yes, sometimes we're different in a good way :) It's at times like these that we re-evaluate and shuffle our priorities back into order of real importance. That's another unintentional gift that your father left you Bo, & it seems like you're making the most of it.
+1.....................
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Old 10-09-2012, 12:02 PM
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Default Re: We really are different!

Great perspective you've got, Bo. Sorry to hear about the loss of your father.

24" ride? I think that thing needs it's own roadie as well....maybe two ;)
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Old 10-09-2012, 12:28 PM
Toolate Toolate is offline
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Default Re: We really are different!

Lost my father in '09- a monster of a human. Firefighter, building contractor, civil engineer, MBA from columbia univ., best man at my wedding and best friend in life and all around tough as hell, hard working, good times guy. I worked next to him every day since I was a child in construction and we were partners for 12 years after I got our of college (got a civil engineering degree too).

His loss, after a year of cancer, was more than any of us could really understand but looking back now, I just miss him. The one thing I have been able to do is to channel that feeling into positive energy. Instead of just missing him, I often find myself doing things we did together and taking a little extra enjoyment in doing them the way we did them instead of just going thru the motions. A miniature, private celebration of him that I get to do weekly/daily that makes it a bit easier.

The only reason I write this is because I feel I am in a much better place about his loss than some members of my family because they are struggling to get past the initial anger/missing him feelings and I think its too bad- I explained this to my sister and it was like a light bulb went off in her head...

Sorry to hear about your father, Bo. It is amazing, the affect that one person can have on so many and our biggest legacy is peoples memories. Happy to hear that you are getting back to normal a bit and feeling the love of fellow drummers.





Subliminal message (Please stop posting pictures of those huge cymbals- you are going to cause me to spend more $ I dont have)
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Old 10-09-2012, 12:38 PM
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Default Re: We really are different!

As the documentary said :)

I guess 11k + posts says I like drummers ...

Impressed and a little envious of the close relationships some of you had with your fathers. My father had an impenetrable wall around himself (as many of his generation did) - very hard to get in.
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Old 10-09-2012, 01:11 PM
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Default Re: We really are different!

Yes, like many of you, I've been there and done that too. It was a long time ago for me- my father passed when he was pretty young (61) and I've had nearly 15 years to come to terms with it. All I can offer is that it does get better/easier/less difficult as time goes on.

Toolate, the feelings you describe are just part of the process of grieving. Unfortunately, some people never get past the anger stage without help, but going from initial disbelief to anger to longing and depression to out the other side is a path that, unfortunately, not everyone is equiped to walk.

My condolences, sympathies and genuine respect goes out to anyone and everyone that is dealing with the loss of someone close right now, regadless of when they passed.
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Old 10-09-2012, 01:24 PM
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Default Re: We really are different!

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Originally Posted by Anon La Ply View Post
My father had an impenetrable wall around himself (as many of his generation did) - very hard to get in.
Yes, very much describes my father. That makes things oh so much more difficult. It raises more questions than it provides answers, & the internal search can be quite destructive if you allow it to consume.
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Old 10-09-2012, 05:11 PM
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Default Re: We really are different!

Oh,. sorry to hear about your father.

My condolences.

And yes, drummers are often the ones who bond together in a way other musicians don't. Beginner or advance, hobbyist or pro, drummers hang together.
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Old 10-09-2012, 05:36 PM
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Default Re: We really are different!

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Originally Posted by Anon La Ply View Post
As the documentary said :)

I guess 11k + posts says I like drummers ...

Impressed and a little envious of the close relationships some of you had with your fathers. My father had an impenetrable wall around himself (as many of his generation did) - very hard to get in.
I can empathise pal...my dad died last week. We hadn't spoken for 20 years. No point.

I didn't go the funeral and didn't feel anything. My boss offered me the day off..."why? I laughed".

And I'm a very emotional guy. I was devastated a few weeks back when I lost one of our old dogs.

Bo...sorry for your loss. You sound as close to your dad as I was to my mum who died when I was 21 and she 42.....I know exactly what you and your family will be going through and my thoughts are with you all.
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Old 10-10-2012, 01:53 AM
Bonzobilly Bonzobilly is offline
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Default Re: We really are different!

Sorry for your loss Bo. I too, lost my father 17 years ago suddenly. He was only 49. What some others have spoke is true. Not a day goes by that I don't think of a memory that makes me chuckle. He was quite the personality.
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Old 10-10-2012, 02:06 AM
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Default Re: We really are different!

[quote=bigiainw;1055164]

Toolate, the feelings you describe are just part of the process of grieving. Unfortunately, some people never get past the anger stage without help, but going from initial disbelief to anger to longing and depression to out the other side is a path that, unfortunately, not everyone is equiped to walk.



Thanks for saying what I was trying to say. Sometimes I think, as was the case with my sister, that someone just needs to present it as an option and explain the concept and process.

You only get one pass and you have to make the most of every minute. Not dwell on the negative.
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Old 10-10-2012, 06:13 AM
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Default Re: We really are different!

Bo,

Loss is one of those things in life that we can never prepare enough for, or train to survive.
I myself was widowed 10 years ago with 3 very young kids. Like you've started, you just begin to pull things together and celebrate your Dad's life.

I too believe that us drummers are a different breed. Especially those that give back to others like yourself. Oh, don't forget about those them drummers that also sing ♫♪ ♫♪ ..♪♫♪ ♫♪ ♫♪
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Old 10-10-2012, 06:58 AM
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Default Re: We really are different!

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Originally Posted by keep it simple View Post
Yes, very much describes my father. That makes things oh so much more difficult. It raises more questions than it provides answers, & the internal search can be quite destructive if you allow it to consume.
You too, eh? Abe's Dad was apparently was of a similar ilk. Thems was brung up in th' days when men was men and sheep was nervous.

We daughters lived on a different planet to him and Dad did not tolerate differences in people so he was very judgemental. Dunno what they did to kids in the 20s or 30s but it wasn't psychologically healthy!


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Originally Posted by SquadLeader View Post
...my dad died last week. We hadn't spoken for 20 years. No point.

I didn't go the funeral and didn't feel anything. My boss offered me the day off..."why? I laughed".

And I'm a very emotional guy. I was devastated a few weeks back when I lost one of our old dogs.
That sucks, Squad, but total fallouts happen. Having said that, now that both my parents have gone I feel like I'm finally starting to grow up (might be mature by 70).

I relate to what you said about your dog. It's strange - the pets I've had didn't raise me, support me, spend a fortune on education, clothes, activities, food or wasted time driving me to things or babysitting me etc etc ... yet I have shed FAR more tears over dead idiot moggies and fleabag dogs than my unfortunate dead humans.

I cry more over dead and suffering animals than dead and suffering people in movies too. Go figure. I find the suffering of innocent creatures upsetting (does not include children, who I usually find hugely annoying lol)
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Old 10-10-2012, 07:43 AM
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Default Re: We really are different!

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Having said that, now that both my parents have gone I feel like I'm finally starting to grow up (might be mature by 70).
It seems to me that it really focuses the mind when your parents are gone. It doesn't matter if you are well established in your career or business, and have had a family of your own for years: when they are gone, there's a sudden sensation of truly working without a net. Things take on a peculiar poignancy, and the quality of the light just seems somehow different... Over time, you get used to the new normal, but at the outset it can seem quite surreal- and that's just another facet of the grieving process. Curious, innit?

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I find the suffering of innocent creatures upsetting (does not include children, who I usually find hugely annoying lol)
Have to agree here as well. I've often joked that I like children just fine- preferably sauteed. (;-) Note for the humor-impaired: that last bit was intended as a funny thing, and should not be interpreted literally. I'd never do that to butter. No children were harmed in the making of this post.
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Old 10-10-2012, 10:22 AM
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Default Re: We really are different!

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Originally Posted by mikeyhanson View Post
Great perspective you've got, Bo. Sorry to hear about the loss of your father.

24" ride? I think that thing needs it's own roadie as well....maybe two ;)
Thanks so much. I have four pretty roadies right now. I need to get a picture of them ;)
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Old 10-10-2012, 11:59 AM
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It seems to me that it really focuses the mind when your parents are gone. It doesn't matter if you are well established in your career or business, and have had a family of your own for years: when they are gone, there's a sudden sensation of truly working without a net. Things take on a peculiar poignancy, and the quality of the light just seems somehow different... Over time, you get used to the new normal, but at the outset it can seem quite surreal- and that's just another facet of the grieving process. Curious, innit?
Really well put, Skod. Definitely a feeling of working without a net, which is weird since I was Dad's safety net towards the end.

I think the light is different because my pupils have not enjoyed extra dilation since my emphysema diagnosis yesterday ...


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No children were harmed in the making of this post.
That's a shame lol
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Old 10-10-2012, 12:47 PM
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Default Re: We really are different!

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I relate to what you said about your dog. It's strange - the pets I've had didn't raise me, support me, spend a fortune on education, clothes, activities, food or wasted time driving me to things or babysitting me etc etc ... yet I have shed FAR more tears over dead idiot moggies and fleabag dogs than my unfortunate dead humans.
Ah, it's the unconditional love bit. The animals don't have expectations of you, so it's easier to love them and miss them when they're gone, because they didn't mess with the relationship when they were here.

Unlike humans, who are some of the most difficult things to like on the planet (next to celery, which is incapable of being liked IMO).
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Old 10-10-2012, 02:44 PM
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Ah, it's the unconditional love bit. The animals don't have expectations of you, so it's easier to love them and miss them when they're gone, because they didn't mess with the relationship when they were here.

Unlike humans, who are some of the most difficult things to like on the planet (next to celery, which is incapable of being liked IMO).
Sounds fair, I've long hovered around misanthropy without ever quite taking the plunge. I find myself often agreeing with George Carlin ...

I like celery. Very keen on lettuce too. The taste is pretty ordinary but they make me feel good - a bit like most intoxicants.
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Old 10-10-2012, 03:11 PM
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Default Re: We really are different!

I feel more for people than I do pets. Pets have it easy. People have to struggle. But I love all living things. People are #1 though, as they should be. I don't like it when people treat their pets better than their, spouses, family and friends. I'm good to animals, but better to people. I even try not to kill bugs, they can't help it if they're creepy. But I have to sometimes. Life is precious. Everything you do, your actions, defines who you are. The people in your life can be taken away at any time. Best to appreciate them while you can.
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Old 10-10-2012, 03:31 PM
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I feel more for people than I do pets. Pets have it easy. People have to struggle. But I love all living things. People are #1 though, as they should be. I don't like it when people treat their pets better than their, spouses, family and friends. I'm good to animals, but better to people. I even try not to kill bugs, they can't help it if they're creepy. But I have to sometimes. Life is precious. Everything you do, your actions, defines who you are. The people in your life can be taken away at any time. Best to appreciate them while you can.
People can be utter arseholes to.

I've never come across an animal who has been a spiteful, utter, shit...but I know plenty of humans who are.
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Old 10-10-2012, 03:46 PM
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Very sorry to hear this,Bo. My condolences.
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Old 10-11-2012, 02:34 AM
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Default Re: We really are different!

Its official Larry, you are my favorite member here (in the least creepy way). Your way with words is so crude and so elegant.. . . I dont even know where to start. Simply amazing. Educational, honest, funny, serious, rediculous, true to life. Keep up the good work.

Bugs are creepy, they cant help it, and sometimes you have to kill them.. Simple as that.

One more word on the passing of our parents from me.

The more time that passes, the more I realize that there were great traits that my father had that I subconsciously knew he had and I enjoyed every day, but never had a conscious thought to actually quantify. Now that hes gone, every couple months I realize that I am changing a little to try to be a better person, or at least try to improve myself a little to emulate him and just contribute to planet earth.

Just more evidence that you have to enjoy and celebrate the greats while they are around. THink about the people you love and why and make a point of thanking them, reflecting their good qualities in your every day, learning from their ways and appreciating what you have while you do.
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Old 10-14-2012, 03:58 AM
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Default Re: We really are different!

drummers seem to leave their agressions on the set more than other musicians do on their instruments.

Gives us more unoccupied brain to think with....and the mental exercise develops our capacity for abstraction...

...all leading to a more considered and potentially considerate response pattern.

that is, hit stuff...feel good...spread feeling.
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Old 10-14-2012, 05:42 AM
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Default Re: We really are different!

Quote:
Originally Posted by larryace View Post
I feel more for people than I do pets. Pets have it easy. People have to struggle. But I love all living things. People are #1 though, as they should be. I don't like it when people treat their pets better than their, spouses, family and friends. I'm good to animals, but better to people. I even try not to kill bugs, they can't help it if they're creepy. But I have to sometimes. Life is precious. Everything you do, your actions, defines who you are. The people in your life can be taken away at any time. Best to appreciate them while you can.
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People can be utter arseholes too.

I've never come across an animal who has been a spiteful, utter, shit...but I know plenty of humans who are.
These posts together make a nice balance. I have come across some animals who are almost as odious as some humans can be - almost. Humans are like the little girl with the little curl ...


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drummers seem to leave their agressions on the set more than other musicians do on their instruments.
That's a young male playing rock isn't it, Otto? I'm in a band with four guys and I don't think anyone would describe them as aggressive :)
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Old 10-15-2012, 09:46 PM
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Default Re: We really are different!

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Thanks so much. I have four pretty roadies right now. I need to get a picture of them ;)
Yeah, and the pretty one that used to be your avatar...LOL
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