About burying the beater...
Do I need to purchase a burial license?
Only if required by your local Constabulary.
Should I contact the "call to dig" agency before attempting to bury?
Only if you actually plan to "dig"; if you've other means, it's not required.
Where am I permitted to bury my beater?
Anywhere on your own property as approved by "Miss Dig" or your local instrument cemetery.
Do I need any type of insurance to comply with local statutes in PA?
If you've got musicians' insurance and your beater is dead, you might contact the insurance company. If you plan to bury the beater alive, it would be a tough claim.
How deep do I bury my beater? Is there a law outlining that?
Deep enough that you can exhume it after locating the burial site with your metal detector.
Do I simply throw the beater in the ground naked, or do I wrap it in some kind of a burial cloth? If so, does the burial cloth material matter?
If you never expect to exhume the beater, dirt protection isn't necessary.
Are there any special words I should say ritually before, during or after the burial?
If the beater is dead, words are optional; if the beater is being buried alive, you're probably already cussing.
Can I write off the cost of the beater and the burial costs on my taxes?
Not if you receive a death benefit from your musicians' insurance company.
Do I qualify for a death benefit from the beater if I can prove I purchased it?
See your musicians' insurance policy. If you haven't insurance and the beater is out of warranty, you may be out of luck even WITH proof of purchase.
Am I required to take out a newspaper ad announcing the burial of my beater?
Only if the beater may have claimants in Buck's County.
Why have I never heard of cremating my beater?
I think the proper term would be "melting." I doubt that most average drummers can afford a furnace or a foundry. YMMV.
Thank you for any help with these questions.