Help! Am I being a control freak without realising?

BFrench501

Senior Member
I am playing in a band that I could only describe as being country influenced. 1 acoustic, 2 electrics, bass, drums and occasional mandolin and harmonica played by the singer.

Been with them for over 10 weeks now rehearsing once a week for 2 hours, the singer has a catalogue of 10-12 songs. The band have only learned the 5 songs that are going to be gigged whereas Ive learned his whole catalogue on drums.

I got to the last practise and there were things that were irking me, but I dont know if I have 'the right' to be miffed. I genuinely don't know if my autism is driving me mad and I'm being irrational or not and thought I'd see how you fellow drummers think.



1) We are approaching our first gig, and in the rehearsal before the gig, the guitarists are still referring to chord/lyric sheets! There are errors in some of the chords, or lyrics missing etc, and the guitarists were complaining at the singer for not writing everything down for them properly.

2) Getting money out of them to contribute towards using my PA and my guitar amp, is like getting blood from a stone. I finally got £10 off each of them and they had the nerve to question why I was taking money off them. These people ain't kids - they are 35+!

3) A lot of the songs have silences in where the singer is playing his acoustic. The songs are lyrically driven and very good lyrics. The others can't follow his time so they are telling me to keep time on the hats or the ride! I nearly cried when they said I should be doing that as its my job to keep time.



So……my thoughts on the above;

1) Guitarists can play at virtually any time, any place without restriction. Yet they haven't learned 5 songs properly, yet I've been on far less time while learning 60-65 other songs for other bands, and learned the entire catalogue of material! I used my initiative and questioned any areas where I felt something was wrong, why can't a guitarist do that when a chord is missing that appears in the rest of the song? Its infuriating, I wanted to grab the guitar off them and play the stuff!

I feel bad for the singer - he has some very good music but the people he has entrusted with his band career are letting him down big time. I don't want to stick around but it has such potential with the right musicians, I don't know what to do.

2) They should be paying - simple as that. It's insulting that they think I'm on a scam, when I'm paying £140 a month for a room and charging them a month what it would cost them a week in a rehearsal room!

3) Maybe some of the songs arent suited live as the singer doesn’t have a following who will sit their keeping dead quiet, while he sings on his own. He isn't Springsteen or Dylan! That said, clicking hats over his lyrics distracts from the point of the music. And sounds very amateurish. I have said they should be better prepared and its everybodys job to keep time, not just mine.

I'm just sick of being in bands where I am not respected. I will only speak up if something is wrong. I don't say things in an overly critical style - but its like 95% of the musicians I work with don't appreciate nor care that I have perfect pitch, am sympathetic to the music as I have made effort to learn how guitar/bass etc works in the context of a band. It feels like I've put all this effort in and to be seen as a well rounded musician, instead of 'just a drummer' is proving to be just as hard as it would be to seduce Mila Kunis!



I'm sorry for this being super long but I am torn over whether to stick with it in the hope the singer sacks the others off, or whether to go swim elsewhere. But also, I don't know if I expect too much from other musicians. I just don’t see any excuse to not learn 5 songs properly on guitar after 10 weeks. We are not talking John Petrucci level stuff here, it's basic chords and rhythms. Structures are a bit odd, but it isn't rocket science.

Rant over I guess, if anyone can make something of this and help me out I would very very much appreciate it.

Thanks
Baz
 
I don't think it is uncommon to be frustrated.

There are a few things, though, that you mention that would raise a red flag,

In 10 weeks, it would seen you should have 30-40 tunes ready to go.
You mention 2 hours rehearsal per week. Is it only 2 hours or at least 2 hours?
You are providing the PA and a guitar amp? Why?

You seem to be the most dedicated. You should sit down with the band members and discuss what their expectations are both musically and with the band. This may not be a good fit for you. One thing to consider is that you are being paid to play music. And even though you enjoy it and may not consider it that way, it is a job where you are entertaining others. If the others look at it as a hobby, they probably do not have the correct level of professionalism that is required for treating what they do as a job. Sad but true more often than not.
 
1) That would drive me crazy. If they can't learn their own material...good lord...

2) Did you arranged this advance, and specifically told them before joining forming the band this was the agreement to pay you? Are you a hired gun, or a band member? If yes it was agreed to pay you, then it's frustrating. If no, then it comes off as petty, because they probably assumed you were proving this for the greater good of the band.

3) This is common. Many bands do this, even in the big leagues. Yes, you are right, they should be able to keep time, but still, the drummers job is make sure everyone is locked into the SAME time.
 
I had the same issue before I mean something similar . I was in a band with two very good guitarists, the first few weeks of practising went okay, but one of them play the drums as well. The last week i was with them(the week he fired me) the guitRist who can also play the drums came up to me and told he doesn't like the beats I came up with and stuff, I reckon he can only play the same over and over again with no drums fills. He said I don't fit in the band which I never cared, but he never said anything about the drum piece I wrote for them, they did not show any appreciation. The band I'm with now is a band I formed At school they are a lot less experienced but at least they respect me and treat me as their friends, so I guess I'll just stick with my current band. And if you want the vocalist to work with you, then ask him to join another band with you, why do yous have to suffer from rest of the guys? Just tell the vocalist how bad the situation was and tell him that he should be treated with respect, so you can convince him to work with you. This is what I would do if we're you!!!
 
In 10 weeks, it would seen you should have 30-40 tunes ready to go

We all have had 10 weeks to learn a minimum of 5 songs to be gigged. They are all written by the singer and we have come into turn it from solo to full band. I treat it as if I'm learning a cover. Just can't believe the other guys don't see it the same way. It's insulting when I've had to learn tons of covers note for note, and then this on top. They have no other musical priorities to speak of but they can't learn 5 in the comfort of their own home? Or use initiative if they see mistakes? Let alone bringing up the blame games the week before the gig lol. Why not after week 1 or 2...?

You mention 2 hours rehearsal per week. Is it only 2 hours or at least 2 hours?.

Well, the room is used from 8.30-10.30 but they don't use that time productively. Too much doodling etc not enough professionalism.

You are providing the PA and a guitar amp? Why?

I have a lockup where I practise my drums (as I can't do it at home), and I thought having a PA was a good investment. And one of the guitarists couldnt be bothered to bring his amp. That WAS understandable as I was up 2 flights of stairs but I changed room so Im on ground floor. To his credit he brought his own amp to the last session but then the other guitarist left his at home and helped himself to mine without asking LOL!

If the others look at it as a hobby, they probably do not have the correct level of professionalism that is required for treating what they do as a job. Sad but true more often than not.

I think the others perhaps are a little bit more lax. I think the attitude is 'not my music I havent had involvement so I'll wing it'.

What I lack in talent I have commitment in spades, and it is sad that others dont share the same level. I just dont see where theres an excuse not to learn 5 songs in 10 weeks properly. Not country music anyway...
 
Charging your band mates rent to use a pa and amp is one of the crazier things I've heard of. They aren't wearing them out, and you aren't losing money letting them use them while you freaking drum for them. If they had spare money, they'd probably buy their own damned amps.
 
Charging your band mates rent to use a pa and amp is one of the crazier things I've heard of. They aren't wearing them out, and you aren't losing money letting them use them while you freaking drum for them. If they had spare money, they'd probably buy their own damned amps.

Precisely. I understand if you specifically pay for that rehearsal space for that band solely. Then I could see wanting a little cash to help fund that, but if it's a space you're going to pay for whether or not you're playing with them, there's no good reason to charge them to use it.

And same goes for the amps. If you have to drive across town and use your gas to take them back and forth for every rehearsal, I can sort of understand charging them to use the equipment, but if it's equipment that stays at the practice space, there's no reason to charge them to use it. That's just kind of selfish.

The guitarist in one of my bands uses my cabinet for our rehearsals, as it's easier for him to just bring his head by once a week. I don't charge him to use it, because it's going to be there either way. It doesn't inconvenience me in any way.

In another band, our lead guitarist often uses my Les Pauls, and our rhythm guitarist uses my Strat. Our lead guitarist breaks strings constantly. I should be charging him for strings, but I don't because he's a good friend of mine. Our rhythm guitarist nearly never breaks strings, and we have an understanding that he can use my Strat as much as he wants, as long as he provides the strings and such.
 
So I see where you are coming from. 10 weeks to learn 5 tunes is more than enough time; even if you only rehearse 2 hours a week. If the band members did not learn them in that that time period, there is definitely a lack of dedication. You need to have a serious talk with these people I think. If they were asked to do something in their day job and they did not do it in a timely manner, what would happen?

As far as money goes, I've been in bands where everyone chipped in for one thing or another (like rehearsal space and studio time) and in others where one person provided everything right down to drinks. But I've never charged or been asked to contribute for anything that I or someone else already owned and was my own or their own investment. That was a choice to spend the money and if the owner leave it leaves with them. So you may want to re-think that. ;-)
 
You're working with the wrong people. If they can't get that together in that amount of time then what happens when they take a paying gig less than serious? And your name is on the contract?
 
I've only been in two bands in my life, so my advice is probably not to be taken that seriously, but I would say that it depends entirely on whether you (and the other band members) are hired guns to back up the singer or you are all in it together. It's unfortunate, but as we all know there's always a hierarchy in a band, and knowing where you stand in that hierarchy heavily affects how you perceive a situation.

As far as learning only 5 songs in 10 weeks, yeah, that is pretty lame, but you never know what else is going on in other people's lives. They may have kids, or a dying grandma, and their viewpoint is that learning songs is not as high a priority. It all boils down to figuring out what everyone's priority is. I think a lot of people are afraid to say "Well, I didn't do this because..." because it sounds like an excuse and they don't want to be whiners. There are ways to say that sort of thing without excusing themselves or whining. Even actions can help the situation; if they didn't say anything, but suddenly showed up one week knowing all the songs cold, then you know they are trying, and may not have had time.

But if someone is continuously flaky or lame, that is definitely a danger sign.

If I were you I'd figure out who leads the band (the singer?) and ask what you can do to help make the entire band better. If the leader doesn't have any problems with what is happening, then I would not do anything. A band is only as good as its leader wants it to be. If the band doesn't have a leader, or has a weak leader, that can lead to really bad dynamics in my experience!
 
Oh yes, I'd also ask the singer if he wants you to keep time behind him since the guitarists have asked. If he says no, then you shrug at the guitarists' request, and if he says yes, then I'd probably play brushes or a quiet hi-hat splash on 2/4 behind him since you say it's a country-ish band. Who knows, it might wind up making the song sound even better!
 
I don't know about the rest of the stuff, but 2 hours a week is not enough to make a band good. You need at least 8 hours per week playing together. At least...

But, yeah, if those guitarists can't learn 5 easy songs in 10 weeks, maybe you should just play the show, then steal the singer away and start a new band.
 
I concur with much of what has already been posted. You stated that you're already playing with other bands - thus the learning of dozens of other songs. Why are you unnecessarily putting yourself through the grief. Why not see if the singer wants to join up with your other mates and put together a serious band? One that is practicing more like 20 hours per week. Then get out playing for those who are paying. It's difficult enough finding one group of musicians that are compatible let alone trying it with multiple groups, without pay.

The equipment issue is simple. If you want the string-benders to bring their own equipment - tell them.
 
I have played with pro's ,semi pro's , amatuers, weekend warriors,and folks that just don't take it seriously,even if they will be playing for an audience.

Some people have fun playing music whether it sounds good or not,even after a lot of rehearsal,or even if they sound lousy in front of an audience.

My thing is that I want to sound good and tight when I play with a band,and sounding bad on songs that have been rehearsed at several rehearsals in a row is not fun for me at all.I hate to say it in this situation you are the only one that has the leaders back,and that can make it tough on you with a lot of extra work,you will have to have more command of the arrangements and structure to make up for the others lack of command.I have the same issues as you,I won't say anything about who is doing what until I see that others have no clue.I don't think it is a control issue as much as a philosophical difference issue. I know and I think you know that Rule # 1 is amatuer rehearsal never equals professional performance,ever.
 
Ive wanted to reply to comments earlier but I hate using my phone to type it takes forever.

To explain the situation with charging - I've asked for a couple of quid off each member to help me with costs of the room and for buying the PA so I could actually get an originals band together (the other band I'm in wont let me use their PA as no reason to).

For a £220 room I pay £140 - which is more than half so I can house an originals band. Otherwise I'd just be paying £55 a month. So it is justified to ask for some help. I didn't explain myself correctly before but this is why I wanted some help. I wouldnt ask them to split £140 5 ways because I use the room more than them, but I expect them to pay something.

Eamesuser - I think you summed it up great. I like that you see it as a philosophical difference. For that reason alone I need to leave as soon as possible really - I am playing for them on tuesday evening and I'll honour any other commitments until they find another drummer.

Maybe I should just leave otherwise they'll just stall and take their time? A month should be enough time to find someone at their level of aspiration.
 
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