reporting in (downer alert)

Bo Eder

Platinum Member
Hey everybody, a few days ago I reported in that my dad had been dealing with cancer and we were working like beavers outfitting the house to make him more comfortable. We were able to reach that goal, but unfortunately, his time of fighting is now over. Mom called me earlier today and told me he had to go into a hospice care house after a particularly rough evening at home and I just about lost it when she did the totally selfless act of issuing the 'do not resuscitate' order to the nurses. I suppose I should find comfort that he is no longer suffering and we must now prepare for burial.

Dad always seemed interested in what kind of gear I was playing at any one time, so the phat hats and 24" light ride will get their first gig at his service.

Thank you to those of you who've sent good vibes my way since that first post about it. I'll be checking in here as it's a respite from my reality right now, but I'll be a little busy the next few days.

If any of you haven't made peace with your loved ones, may I recommend you do so.
 
I'm sorry for your loss,and I understand your point about making peace with those you love.It's my biggest regret not having done so with my dad.

May he find peace,and may you find strength.Namaste

Steve B
 
I suppose I should find comfort that he is no longer suffering ...
A hard concept to hold onto, sometimes .... but indeed true. Lost my mom a year ago. It gets easier, with time. My condolences.​
 
Matt, my most heartfelt & sincere condolences. Like many here, & now yourself, we've lost parents recently. Larry only last week too. A dreadful wrench. You have your mum, hold her tight, let her feel your love.

Andy.
 
Matt, my most heartfelt & sincere condolences. Like many here, & now yourself, we've lost parents recently. Larry only last week too. A dreadful wrench. You have your mum, hold her tight, let her feel your love.

Andy.

Yup, Larry, Andy, Grea and myself recently. Its wrenching alright. So wrenching that it catches us by surprise. "Its a cross we all have to bear", is something my dad told me when he lost his dad.

And the end of the day all that we have to hold on to is inner peace, lots of love, some forgiveness, some acceptance and reconcilation. Everything else is wrapping paper.

My condolences, Matt.


....
 
My condolences as well. I've buried both my parents - my dad 10 years ago and my mom 5 years ago. Been in your shoes twice and understand totally.

I won't say it get's better with time, because it doesn't. What I will say is you learn how to manage it with time.
 
Matt, my sincere condolences.

I've lost my Mum 10 years ago, she died in my arms and I was fortunate enough to properly say goodbye to her.

Your Dad will be delighted to hear your phat hats and 24" ride from up there...

May God bless you and your family and friends.

Henri
 
Bo, so sorry for your loss. I'm sure your dad was so proud of you and will be smiling somewhere as you play at his service. Just remember, he'll always be with you in your heart to guide you along. I lost my father almost 15 years ago and still hardly a day goes by I don't think about him at least once. Take care, hug your loved ones, and we are here if you need someone to listen.

Peace to you and yours.
 
Bo, you have my sincere condolences. It sounds like you have a loving family and you can take comfort that your Dad knew he was loved. In the end, that's everything.

You are in my thoughts. Hang tough, man.
 
Commiserations Bo. As Abe said, it seems to be a rough year for elderly fathers. A friend and former neighbour's father died a few months ago. Each of us will experience it differently, depending on the relationship.

Hugs

G
 
These are the moments in life when words can hardly express what we all understand about the inevitability of life. My condolences to you also, Bo.
 
I pray for you and your Family and friends. God speed. Sorry Bo.
 
Sorry for your pain.

Glad you have the love to make the pain.

The love survives far longer...
 
Thanks everyone for the well wishes, but we're all ok. The pain is gone and he's in a happier place. The mood in the last day since I posted this has changed to a more positive one. Family will be coming in for the biggest Hawaiian send-off we've ever done so we've switched into special event-mode. The family is pulling closer together and everyone is quite happy. We never seem to do anything small and quiet.

It's a strange place to be in because while dad was sick, you're bummed out because you know you're gonna lose him, but you know you're just being selfish in hopes that he won't go because he'll be in considerable pain to stay just because you want him to. When he finally passed, enough relief comes that you feel guilty because you feel like you're not grieving enough. Mom has declared that we're done grieving (she's stronger than I thought her to be all these years) and we're moving forward. Dad has gone off on his Big Adventure so we're going to celebrate that too.

I'm still a little shaky, as friends have told me I will be, but we all get through it. I've been wondering if medical technology is so great these days - according to the doctors, all kinds of things could've been done to prolong dad's agony, and mom smartly chose not to do that. As much as you hate to lose someone to cancer (or to anything) the relief of seeing him peacefully at rest as I said my final good-bye was much better than I thought it would be.

Thanks Drummerworld friends for being there in this great community of ours.
 
Wow, I feel for ya Matt. I don't know what to say except that we all love you here. His spirit didn't die, just his body. He's still with you, as he always was.
 
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