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  #41  
Old 06-01-2018, 09:24 PM
moxman moxman is offline
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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Originally Posted by Masheanhed View Post
... Five years later they were still slogging it out in the same bars playing to the same half dozen old drunks after she made two failed attempts to audition for American Idol. Now she's a bloated waitress with a bad complexion singing karaoke. Karma is good sometimes.
Lol.. that made me laugh. although my wife would kick me about the bloated part. In any case..
- I'd look at it this way; if her name is the bandname then consider yourself replaceable sidemen.. which if the band ever takes off she will get all of the copyrights on the songs (as she's the writer) and you will get relative peanuts as for the performance rights etc.
- originals are a hard sell.. so be prepared to put in a lot of time and effort to gain a following and recognition etc.
- the only way I would sign up for something like that is if the songs and talent is frickin awesome and you can see a real future in investing in it. Also ask your friends what they think of her sound/songs.. sometimes a different perspective is good - eg. 'well the songs are clever and the band is tight but that singer has a nasaly voice and it's really annoying!' etc.
- if you are pumped at the prospects for the band - I'd go all in and figure out exactly what sound/feel she is after.. and nail it so well that she won't remember the name of her former drummer!
- but then again.. I wouldn't play in an original band unless it was a 'band' - ie. not Joe Rockstar with the big ego that will throw everyone under the bus as soon as things take off. Not always the case - but there are lots of big egomaniacs out there!
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  #42  
Old 06-01-2018, 10:06 PM
fpmr96a fpmr96a is offline
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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- I'd look at it this way; if her name is the bandname then consider yourself replaceable sidemen.. which if the band ever takes off she will get all of the copyrights on the songs (as she's the writer) and you will get relative peanuts as for the performance rights etc.
- originals are a hard sell.. so be prepared to put in a lot of time and effort to gain a following and recognition etc.
- the only way I would sign up for something like that is if the songs and talent is frickin awesome and you can see a real future in investing in it.
Honestly, I'm not interested in the prospects of any band taking off. I'm self-employed and my priorities are with my business. I play in bands for the love of playing, which is why I don't hesitate to do free shows (charity/fundraising events mostly). I love playing in bars and festivals, but would never tour if given a chance. This further supports not bothering to continue with this band if it continues to not be fun any longer. Time will tell ...
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  #43  
Old 06-02-2018, 07:46 AM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

So okay let me see if I have this correct. You put in your time and energy into starting this band. You went out and recruited the other players in the band. You set up rehearsals etc... spent your time and effort and eventually recruiter this "singer". Now you want to quit something that you have spent all the time and effort to build because of this "singer". Sorry, you need to just tell her that her services are no longer needed. At least in my world no one hijacks my band. It is bullshit. There was a reason you started the band and it wasn't so you could run out the door and go play with someone else. Grow a pair and take charge. Sorry for the rant but that just erks me to no end.
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  #44  
Old 06-02-2018, 08:21 AM
fpmr96a fpmr96a is offline
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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So okay let me see if I have this correct. You put in your time and energy into starting this band. You went out and recruited the other players in the band. You set up rehearsals etc... spent your time and effort and eventually recruiter this "singer". Now you want to quit something that you have spent all the time and effort to build because of this "singer". Sorry, you need to just tell her that her services are no longer needed. At least in my world no one hijacks my band. It is bullshit. There was a reason you started the band and it wasn't so you could run out the door and go play with someone else. Grow a pair and take charge. Sorry for the rant but that just erks me to no end.
If I thought that would produce a good result Id have fired her already. While I have invested lots of time and energy building this band, weve gone through a bunch of singers and have had difficulty gaining traction due to starting over every time we hired a new singer. This singer definitely created enthusiasm among everyone at a time when our collective interest was diminishing.

I think that if she leaves, well call it quits. Our female keyboardist/vocalist has played with me in other bands and well likely play together in future projects. If I quit, I dont care if they continue with another drummer as Im in another good band and fill in for drummers in 2 other bands periodically.

I have 2 other good singers Ive played with in other bands that want to replace her, but I think Id rather form something new with them. Well see what happens Monday night...
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  #45  
Old 06-02-2018, 08:43 AM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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I've practiced with her recordings quite a bit and have tried to play similarly.
Sounds good. When you say "tried to play similarly" does that mean that you're paying attention to where say the kick notes land or you're just looking for the feel and style and going for it as you would naturally? Would the average person pick out the grooves you're playing as different?

Quote:
They have lots of breaks in unexpected places and I've not memorized them all, but neither has the rest of the band.
That's just the regular band stuff. You're all there to work on coming together and nailing the transitions and breaks, etc. The grooves and note progressions should be learned ahead of time by each player accordingly.

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However, I think I'm playing her songs pretty well, overall. I prefer to play as I feel it, but really have tried to conform.
With respect, this sounds a bit conflicting. In this case, maybe don't think of it as "conforming" you have to do, think of it as serving the song as it's already written.

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If I'm off from the groove, as recorded, it's not anything major.
Again this feels conflicting... You say "if" as in you aren't aware of it if you're not playing the same thing?

Quote:
She seems to intervene on very specific parts and have something very specific in mind that she's not articulating clearly.
I hate to say it, but in my experience, non drummers have trouble talking drums to drummers. Even accomplished guitar players I've been awed by have asked for beats by the wrong names and told me to do things that work in their heads but not in practice.

I learned over time that it helps to break down beats slowly for them and often even write them out so they understand what I'm saying or doing and why. Are you able to read rhythms?

Quote:
I don't claim to be better than her prior drummer, but I think I'm as good.
Don't even bother going down that path. Music is art not competition and the only drummer you should compare yourself to is yourself yesterday. You don't have to play like that old drummer, but you might be best serving the songs if you play it like he did... That's what you have to ask yourself. Is the song better if I play it this way over that way? If you feel strongly that you're right, then say so, and explain why you feel your idea works better.
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  #46  
Old 06-02-2018, 09:07 AM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

Well then good luck in all your endeavors. Hope Monday goes well for you.
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  #47  
Old 06-02-2018, 03:11 PM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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Now, we've actually renamed the band to have her name in front - which was the beginning of the end for me.
That happened to the band I mentioned earlier. Very quickly the name changed, the facebook page changed...she even got to where she would only introduce herself and mention none of the band. If the deal was I was brought in to drum FOR her, then I would have accepted my role and kept quiet. But it started out as some acquaintances forming a band and up to that point it was fun and we did fine for a local bar band. Granted she got more gigs, but they were all about her and the old band friendship faded away.
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  #48  
Old 06-02-2018, 05:26 PM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

I can understand her being very picky about her original songs. I would be too. Drums are so important, and if they are not moving her, she does have the right to try and communicate that.

More importantly, she is imprinted with the other drummer's interpretation. It's really hard if not impossible to shake that. You have to allow her that. She knows when something isn't to her liking. If the situation was reversed and you were in her shoes trying out a "new" drummer... you might feel you have a right to say whatever you feel is necessary if the songs are your creation. She is justified IMO. She already worked this out to her liking with the other drummer, and doesn't want any changes. I completely understand that.

Me, I'd try and copy the other drummers approach for the already written songs, and for anything else new, you are the one doing the imprinting.

People like what they are used to and are resistant to unfamiliar ideas, a fact in my world anyway.

This is a prime opportunity to hone people skills, if that's something that interests you.

Trying to bridge this gap is the hardest thing to do. Quitting or firing her is relatively easy. I've always found that the hardest thing to do is usually the best.
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  #49  
Old 06-02-2018, 06:20 PM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

Sometimes it goes from a few friends having fun at casual gigs to the same people getting serious and trying to make things happen. Tours, recording deals, concerts et,al.

Then it becomes a labor of love and in some cases just work. You need to ask yourself is this what you want to do and is the effort worth it.

It may make you a better player and it can also make you uncomfortable. Gotta weigh out the pro and cons and follow your heart.
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  #50  
Old 06-02-2018, 07:27 PM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

I read all the responses and may have missed this. Are there recordings of her with previous drummers for her original compositions? If so, you may just want to copy the same patterns. Let's be honest, of course there are exceptions, most people latch on to the original version or at least the first version they heard. It would be hard to really get into "Won't get fooled again" knowing the original (of course there are some who may prefer the covers). The same principle applies here.

If the singer is rude or condescending, then put her in your place. Something like "I (don't say we) recruited you for us to play as a single unit and grow together. I would appreciate it if you could present your grievances in a professional manner"

To me, the big mistake was placing her name as the main draw. I have the feeling the singer sees the band as hers now. Don't let her fire you from your own band.
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  #51  
Old 06-03-2018, 05:00 PM
SmoothOperator SmoothOperator is offline
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

Sounds like she is stuck on her previous brush with the spot light. Likely her previous greatness wasn't even due to her skills, but to her backing band making her sound good(why isn't she with them anymore?). I don't know if there is anything that you can do. My experience is that critical people don't really deal with criticism well. It's kind of like a basketball team that likes to use pressure defense, but then can't get the ball across half court.
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  #52  
Old 06-03-2018, 06:41 PM
OleLady OleLady is offline
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

Hmmm.... normally I wouldn't chime in as I am mostly a lurker...because I am still kinda new to the drums.... but I might have some insight that would help.

When we girls talk amongst ourselves we often use vague terminology and because we generally pick up on more cues, something like ratatattat might be easier for a girl to interpret (my guess would be more snare). She is use to having a girl interpret what she says...

I wonder if it would be beneficial for you to visit a few minutes with the girl drummer. She probably has insight as to what your what your singer means when she says things... and I bet she can also talk drummer :) .
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  #53  
Old 06-03-2018, 07:33 PM
mikel mikel is offline
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

Tell her you are the drummer and you do the drumming, she is the singer and should concentrate on her singing. A band is the sum of its different parts, what we bring to the party is what makes the band sound. If she is not keen on the music then its up to her to chose to stay or leave.

Tell her, its a new band and a new interpretation of the music. Thats what BANDS do. If she wants a solo career then she should say so.
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  #54  
Old 06-03-2018, 08:45 PM
SmoothOperator SmoothOperator is offline
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

On second thought she's probably just needs to take more breaks, and is covering for it (less talk more singing).
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  #55  
Old 06-03-2018, 10:52 PM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

There are more options than quit or confront.

If you feel her talent is worth some effort, simply open a dialog with the goal of understanding each other.
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  #56  
Old 06-04-2018, 02:56 PM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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Originally Posted by fpmr96a View Post
I'm trying to decide whether or not it's time to quit one of the bands I'm in. I formed the band about 1 year ago but members have come and gone in that time (mostly female singers).

They are a very talented group, and mostly nice, but the recent singer has toured and recorded in NYC and it's reflected in her attitude. I recruited her and my guard was up, but her awesome sound persuaded me.

My problem is that she constantly critiques my playing, which I'm very open to, but she uses ridiculous descriptions of how she'd prefer I play something. She uses terms like "rat tat tat" and "do kind of a hip hop reggae groove" or refers to a "shuffle" without really understanding how each is played. The bass player has chimed in a few times, as he kisses her a$$ and is trying to please her.

I'm in a second band, and constructive criticism is conveyed on occasion but communicated accurately and used. (I think)

I'm not sure whether to just quit or confront her on this. I think that after confronting, things will be awkward, so I've hesitated. I formed the band, recruited most members and we rehearse at my house. But, it's not fun any longer. My apprehension is that the singers originals are excellent and this may be the best band I've ever played in. My other band is very good (and gigging) but the music is not as advanced or as good a fit for my style.

One part of me wonders if she just doesn't like my playing style and it will never work with her. If that's true, I should just walk away now and allow them the chance to find a different drummer. I have a few other options to play with other bands.

Thanks ....
Personally I'd tell her to piss off and concentrate on her singing.

And your bass player probably wants to shag her. Good luck with that.
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  #57  
Old 06-05-2018, 07:25 PM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

It sounds like she wants her girlfriend in the band. It also sounds like she is making inappropriate demands for someone who is not the leader. I would confront her head-on with the understanding that the meeting may well dissolve the band. Tell her the old drummer isn't in the band, and never will be. The name part sucks, now she thinks it's about her. Singer egos can sometimes be freakin' ridiculous.
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  #58  
Old 06-07-2018, 11:12 PM
Lickety Britches Lickety Britches is offline
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

It kind of sounds like you've already made your decision.
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  #59  
Old 06-07-2018, 11:50 PM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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Originally Posted by SquadLeader View Post
..Personally I'd tell her to piss off..

..And your bass player probably wants to shag her. Good luck with that..

My thought exactly..


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Originally Posted by fpmr96a View Post
..has toured and recorded in NYC and it's reflected in her attitude..

There are literally 1000's of artists who made that, not impressed..

Sounds to me like a kinda 'wannabee' girl that wants to be treated in a way that completely not reflects reality..If the girl is as annoying as i understand from your replies, then or i would tell her at one moment about us being all the same and her definitely not being some sort of a star yet or i would run away..

No seksism intended, but i deal pretty bad with such 'wannabees' who think they are Alicia Keys themselves and dictate everyone how their 'special' work should sound..

If she has the attitude like i understand from your posts, then i predict that this girl will be busy all her life a lot with 'wanting' but definitely not with 'achieving'..Which makes the whole thing a complete waste of negative energy, in my opinion at least..
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  #60  
Old 06-08-2018, 01:32 AM
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DaleClark DaleClark is offline
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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Originally Posted by oldskoolsoul View Post
My thought exactly..
There are literally 1000's of artists who made that, not impressed..

Sounds to me like a kinda 'wannabee' girl that wants to be treated in a way that completely not reflects reality..

Yes. Happens all the time in local, regional theatre. People think they have real clout because they were hired to play a dead body on NCIS. The actors go broke in California while working 2 jobs, then come home trying to act like they are a big deal. People would not worship the accountant who FAILED the interview at Google. People are not worshipping baseball players who played in the minors for 9 years FAILING to get the call up to the big leagues.

There really is no difference with performers. All the people I mentioned above are really talented in their field just like the lead singer we are talking about.
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  #61  
Old 06-08-2018, 05:30 PM
fpmr96a fpmr96a is offline
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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Originally Posted by oldskoolsoul View Post
My thought exactly..





There are literally 1000's of artists who made that, not impressed..

Sounds to me like a kinda 'wannabee' girl that wants to be treated in a way that completely not reflects reality..If the girl is as annoying as i understand from your replies, then or i would tell her at one moment about us being all the same and her definitely not being some sort of a star yet or i would run away..

No seksism intended, but i deal pretty bad with such 'wannabees' who think they are Alicia Keys themselves and dictate everyone how their 'special' work should sound..

If she has the attitude like i understand from your posts, then i predict that this girl will be busy all her life a lot with 'wanting' but definitely not with 'achieving'..Which makes the whole thing a complete waste of negative energy, in my opinion at least..
Very accurate observations. She's also living with Mom again, but ready to go on tour any day ...
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  #62  
Old 06-08-2018, 05:30 PM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

The girl doesn't seem to be the problem The OP created a group which is not his main priority he admits. He recruits a singer who writes great material he admits. The group now seems to be growing out of his intended purpose. Maybe he should step down so the band can have someone who is on board. No real bad person on this, the OP accidentally created something better than intended.
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  #63  
Old 06-08-2018, 06:59 PM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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Originally Posted by SquadLeader View Post
Personally I'd tell her to piss off and concentrate on her singing.

And your bass player probably wants to shag her. Good luck with that.
Yep, the guy who said grow a pair had a good point as well.

If you're only playing for the fun.......scratch that if you're in any band, one arsehole can ruin it for everyone else. Nobody needs some stuck up tart with a messianic complex.

Sounds like a terminal case of LSD (Lead Singer Disorder)
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  #64  
Old 06-09-2018, 07:49 PM
fpmr96a fpmr96a is offline
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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Yep, the guy who said grow a pair had a good point as well.

If you're only playing for the fun.......scratch that if you're in any band, one arsehole can ruin it for everyone else. Nobody needs some stuck up tart with a messianic complex.

Sounds like a terminal case of LSD (Lead Singer Disorder)
"Growing a pair" is certainly not a problem for me. If anything, it's trying to avoid creating a big scene by getting very pissed off in front of everyone. While addressing the issue with her in a professional manner is certainly an option, as time passes since my original posting, I've been prioritizing this band lower in my stack. I'm now in 4 bands (3 solid and being recruited for 1 that I've not declined) and need to cut that back to 2.

While most players are very nice in this band and very talented, the drama is just not worth it. My days are limited ...
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  #65  
Old 06-10-2018, 04:53 AM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

No need for a big showdown at all. Just walk, enjoy the other bands you're in.
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  #66  
Old 06-18-2018, 02:38 PM
fpmr96a fpmr96a is offline
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

Im the OP and I quit the band this morning.

I appreciate all of the great advice provided here ...
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  #67  
Old 06-18-2018, 04:31 PM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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Im the OP and I quit the band this morning.

I appreciate all of the great advice provided here ...

Did they get her prior drummer friend?
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  #68  
Old 06-18-2018, 04:55 PM
fpmr96a fpmr96a is offline
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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Did they get her prior drummer friend?
No, the band is breaking up.
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