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  #1  
Old 05-31-2018, 04:46 PM
fpmr96a fpmr96a is offline
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Default Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

I'm trying to decide whether or not it's time to quit one of the bands I'm in. I formed the band about 1 year ago but members have come and gone in that time (mostly female singers).

They are a very talented group, and mostly nice, but the recent singer has toured and recorded in NYC and it's reflected in her attitude. I recruited her and my guard was up, but her awesome sound persuaded me.

My problem is that she constantly critiques my playing, which I'm very open to, but she uses ridiculous descriptions of how she'd prefer I play something. She uses terms like "rat tat tat" and "do kind of a hip hop reggae groove" or refers to a "shuffle" without really understanding how each is played. The bass player has chimed in a few times, as he kisses her a$$ and is trying to please her.

I'm in a second band, and constructive criticism is conveyed on occasion but communicated accurately and used. (I think)

I'm not sure whether to just quit or confront her on this. I think that after confronting, things will be awkward, so I've hesitated. I formed the band, recruited most members and we rehearse at my house. But, it's not fun any longer. My apprehension is that the singers originals are excellent and this may be the best band I've ever played in. My other band is very good (and gigging) but the music is not as advanced or as good a fit for my style.

One part of me wonders if she just doesn't like my playing style and it will never work with her. If that's true, I should just walk away now and allow them the chance to find a different drummer. I have a few other options to play with other bands.

Thanks ....
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Old 05-31-2018, 07:52 PM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

If they are her songs, are good songs and the players are good, go with the criticism. The only question I would have is does she have some other person in mind that she would rather have playing drums. If not, everything can be OK. I play with a guitar player that is unable to convey any type of critique. He's like, after I do this 10 times you do da da bap bap boom. He has no knowledge of how things are counted or any understanding of beats, measures, bars, bridges or a chorus. Luckily the bass player does.
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Old 05-31-2018, 07:58 PM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

If it is not fun, why do it? Peace and goodwill.
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Old 05-31-2018, 08:01 PM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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Originally Posted by fpmr96a View Post
My problem is that she constantly critiques my playing, which I'm very open to, but she uses ridiculous descriptions of how she'd prefer I play something.
I've always thought that bands are like relationships, and that in order to have a good relationship, there needs to be chemistry and compatibility. It's hard to manufacture chemistry, but compatibility can be worked on - and maybe that's what needs to be done here.

If you are, as you say, open to her criticism, see if she is open to working on developing a way for the two of you to communicate, particularly if her criticisms are constructive.
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Old 05-31-2018, 08:13 PM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

Is the criticism really constant? That's a problem somewhere. But if it's not fun only a very small percentage of the time, learn to cope with the small percentage. If the percentage is bigger, that's a different story. Most bands have quirks. I wouldn't stand for constant criticism and would bring it up.
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Old 05-31-2018, 08:13 PM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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Originally Posted by fpmr96a View Post
I'm trying to decide whether or not it's time to quit one of the bands I'm in. I formed the band about 1 year ago but members have come and gone in that time (mostly female singers).

They are a very talented group, and mostly nice, but the recent singer has toured and recorded in NYC and it's reflected in her attitude. I recruited her and my guard was up, but her awesome sound persuaded me.

My problem is that she constantly critiques my playing, which I'm very open to, but she uses ridiculous descriptions of how she'd prefer I play something. She uses terms like "rat tat tat" and "do kind of a hip hop reggae groove" or refers to a "shuffle" without really understanding how each is played. The bass player has chimed in a few times, as he kisses her a$$ and is trying to please her.

I'm in a second band, and constructive criticism is conveyed on occasion but communicated accurately and used. (I think)

I'm not sure whether to just quit or confront her on this. I think that after confronting, things will be awkward, so I've hesitated. I formed the band, recruited most members and we rehearse at my house. But, it's not fun any longer. My apprehension is that the singers originals are excellent and this may be the best band I've ever played in. My other band is very good (and gigging) but the music is not as advanced or as good a fit for my style.

One part of me wonders if she just doesn't like my playing style and it will never work with her. If that's true, I should just walk away now and allow them the chance to find a different drummer. I have a few other options to play with other bands.

Thanks ....
I think if you formed the band, and are considered a de facto "leader", then yo could fire her. Bands aren't just about playing great music, it's about being with people you like to be around. Because as many pros have said, you spend a lot more time together than when you're on the bandstand. Imagine if you were on tour and you were together 24/7, but only played for 90 minutes a day. Getting along goes much farther than brilliant musicianship.

If you are not the de facto leader, then maybe you can bow out amicably and just tell the truth - you don't think you can provide what she wants.

I say do what you need to do. IT's not like there aren't a lot of talented people out there. In fact, there are talented people everywhere. Finding the ones you can live with is a whole 'nother can o' worms! Go be happy - life is too short.
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Old 05-31-2018, 08:40 PM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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Originally Posted by Bo Eder View Post
I think if you formed the band, and are considered a de facto "leader", then yo could fire her. Bands aren't just about playing great music, it's about being with people you like to be around. Because as many pros have said, you spend a lot more time together than when you're on the bandstand. Imagine if you were on tour and you were together 24/7, but only played for 90 minutes a day. Getting along goes much farther than brilliant musicianship.
Yeah! You started the band - kick HER out!

If the other guys in the band want to join her, so what? You were already contemplating leaving.
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Old 05-31-2018, 08:49 PM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

A band I more or less started brought in a female singer about 18 months into it. She had decent looks, a good voice, and was good with a crowd. She was also a Leann Rimes wannabe (she claimed to have backed up Carrie Underwood before her American Idol days) and saw herself as potential AI material. The bass player and I ended up quitting over her dramatics while the others glued their lips to her butt.

Five years later they were still slogging it out in the same bars playing to the same half dozen old drunks after she made two failed attempts to audition for American Idol. Now she's a bloated waitress with a bad complexion singing karaoke. Karma is good sometimes.
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  #9  
Old 05-31-2018, 09:56 PM
fpmr96a fpmr96a is offline
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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Originally Posted by rebonn View Post
The only question I would have is does she have some other person in mind that she would rather have playing drums.
She's mentioned that her best friend is a drummer and played in a band with her in the past. She does constantly refer to how "the other drummer played it."

When I met her, she mentioned that she and a drummer (same one) were trying to put a band together, so it's very likely that this is about replacing me with her friend. Not sure how to verify that, other than asking her point blank, but that would leave things in a awkward state either way. Maybe best for me to just walk away and concentrate on other projects.
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Old 05-31-2018, 10:00 PM
fpmr96a fpmr96a is offline
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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Originally Posted by Masheanhed View Post
A band I more or less started brought in a female singer about 18 months into it. She had decent looks, a good voice, and was good with a crowd. She was also a Leann Rimes wannabe (she claimed to have backed up Carrie Underwood before her American Idol days) and saw herself as potential AI material. The bass player and I ended up quitting over her dramatics while the others glued their lips to her butt.

Five years later they were still slogging it out in the same bars playing to the same half dozen old drunks after she made two failed attempts to audition for American Idol. Now she's a bloated waitress with a bad complexion singing karaoke. Karma is good sometimes.
Sounds very similar to my situation. She's good but had her chance at the bigger time 15 years and that didn't work out.

If not for her dramatics and attitude, I'd definitely stay, but the juice ain't worth the squeeze ...
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  #11  
Old 05-31-2018, 10:04 PM
fpmr96a fpmr96a is offline
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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Yeah! You started the band - kick HER out!

If the other guys in the band want to join her, so what? You were already contemplating leaving.
That's certainly one option I'm considering. However, since I'm in another good band and being recruited by 2 others now, I'm thinking it's not worth all the trouble.
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  #12  
Old 05-31-2018, 10:06 PM
fpmr96a fpmr96a is offline
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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I think if you formed the band, and are considered a de facto "leader", then yo could fire her. Bands aren't just about playing great music, it's about being with people you like to be around. Because as many pros have said, you spend a lot more time together than when you're on the bandstand. Imagine if you were on tour and you were together 24/7, but only played for 90 minutes a day. Getting along goes much farther than brilliant musicianship.

If you are not the de facto leader, then maybe you can bow out amicably and just tell the truth - you don't think you can provide what she wants.

I say do what you need to do. IT's not like there aren't a lot of talented people out there. In fact, there are talented people everywhere. Finding the ones you can live with is a whole 'nother can o' worms! Go be happy - life is too short.
I was the leader until she showed up. In theory, I could fire her but I'm not sure where the loyalties are with the others.

Now, we've actually renamed the band to have her name in front - which was the beginning of the end for me.
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  #13  
Old 05-31-2018, 10:08 PM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

If she's new my suggestion is to try and get to know her a little better, if you haven't already.

Maybe head out for some drinks, go watch some music together...etc as it sounds like a clash in personalities. You may find a mutual ground and things may improve and all the 'other drummer' stuff may be nipped in the bud.

If this isn't an option and you've got to know her already then maybe just speak to her about how her approch bothers you in a calm manner.

I'd personally do the first suggestion myself as a starting point, at least you can know you tried to improve things on a personal level.
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  #14  
Old 05-31-2018, 10:49 PM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

If she's consistently unsatisfied with your playing, you probably need to part ways. If you like her music and really want to make it sound great and please her, then you need to really try to figure out what she likes, and what may be missing in your playing. It may even be something about the way your drums sound.
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  #15  
Old 05-31-2018, 11:01 PM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

If it's bothering you, talk to her face to face...maybe not in front of everyone else and let her know how you are feeling and see how it goes! Sometimes, great things happen when people talk to each other in honesty.

If you started the band, you have the right to kick her out. The others may still want to play with her, so while on paper it may appear that you are firing her, it won't look like this in reality. It will look like you got fired. I don't know if this matters to you or not.

You could always quit, but tell everyone else that if they find another lead singer at some point, you'll think about coming back.

Best of luck!
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Old 05-31-2018, 11:04 PM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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Originally Posted by fpmr96a View Post
Now, we've actually renamed the band to have her name in front - which was the beginning of the end for me.
An old story, just ask The Supremes!

If the band is no longer fun, and the anxiety level is rising, and you aren't getting a bunch of money to look the other way, then it sounds like its time to leave.

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Old 05-31-2018, 11:07 PM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

This is one of those things where other people's advice will only take you so far, because you have to make the move that's right for you.

From where I'm sitting, I'd be inclined to part ways with her, whether that means you fire her or you leave (if you started the band, I'd guess it's the former, but I'm not entirely sure of the band dynamic here).

There really are too many talented people out there to suffer with those you don't click with.

I think there is a special art to interpreting what other musicians want from us sometimes. Even great musicians who don't play the drums can struggle to convey what they want in drummer terms. I've gotten pretty good at figuring out what they are looking for, but it can be tricky. Asking lots of questions and trying to get examples of songs that have what they're looking for helps.
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Old 05-31-2018, 11:07 PM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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An old story, just ask The Supremes!

If the band is no longer fun, and the anxiety level is rising, and you aren't getting a bunch of money to look the other way, then it sounds like its time to leave.

Bermuda

This made me think about a time when I saw something on VH1 when some retro act starting touring again. Basically, the word on the street was they were getting paid enough to pretend like they like each other. :)

I'll bet there's more than one band out there like this.
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Old 05-31-2018, 11:27 PM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

I realize this falls under the "may work for one person but not another" umbrella, but I think it's appropriate to speak up when you're being given confusing or unclear directions. Not in a confrontational way, but to communicate that the terms you're hearing are telling you something specific that doesn't seem to match what is expected.

I did a recording session for a really talented multi-instrumentalist and songwriter a few years ago. He was trying to tell me how to play this bridge. It was a heavily-arranged rock piece with acoustic and electric guitars at a modest tempo with a syncopated, 8th-note groove. But when the artist tried to tell me how to play the drums during the bridge, he said, "when we get to this part, we're swinging."

I played a couple bars of swing—think Art Blakey—and just said, "See, what that means to me is this, and I'm pretty sure that's not what you want. I'm thinking you mean the drums are very driving and steady here." Which did turn out to be what he wanted.

It's a fine line. I'm supportive, but I'm not taking any sh**. If you tell me to do something using terms that have an accepted definition and I do them, I have no problem adjusting and figuring out that you meant something else. But I'm not going to be treated like I'm just not getting it when it's the other person who's confused.
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Old 05-31-2018, 11:41 PM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

It sounds like you're suffering from having to play in another's shadow.

Even if you do quit, I would still give it a try (just for your own practice) and ask to buy her something liquid and in the nicest way possible, tell her everything you told us.

People like what they are used to and she can't let go of the other person's playing. I get that. But you are not the other person. Would she like it if you kept asking her to sing like the other girl? Maybe that will open her eyes. Tell her you don't know what she means when she tells you what she wants. You want to provide it but you can't decipher it. A recording would work much better.

This is all for your benefit, handling delicate situations, not hers.
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Old 06-01-2018, 12:05 AM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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Originally Posted by 8Mile View Post
I realize this falls under the "may work for one person but not another" umbrella, but I think it's appropriate to speak up when you're being given confusing or unclear directions. Not in a confrontational way, but to communicate that the terms you're hearing are telling you something specific that doesn't seem to match what is expected.

I did a recording session for a really talented multi-instrumentalist and songwriter a few years ago. He was trying to tell me how to play this bridge. It was a heavily-arranged rock piece with acoustic and electric guitars at a modest tempo with a syncopated, 8th-note groove. But when the artist tried to tell me how to play the drums during the bridge, he said, "when we get to this part, we're swinging."

I played a couple bars of swingóthink Art Blakeyóand just said, "See, what that means to me is this, and I'm pretty sure that's not what you want. I'm thinking you mean the drums are very driving and steady here." Which did turn out to be what he wanted.

It's a fine line. I'm supportive, but I'm not taking any sh**. If you tell me to do something using terms that have an accepted definition and I do them, I have no problem adjusting and figuring out that you meant something else. But I'm not going to be treated like I'm just not getting it when it's the other person who's confused.
THIS. Outside of a few deeply theory-trained folks, I have become accustomed to coaching folks when they give me direction. What's important to note is if you have to have the same clarifying conversation over and over again.

More to the OP's point, it sounds like the course of the band has changed since you started it, and if it's not the direction in which you particularly wish to go, I'd say make a graceful exit.
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Old 06-01-2018, 12:24 AM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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Originally Posted by PorkPieGuy View Post
This made me think about a time when I saw something on VH1 when some retro act starting touring again. Basically, the word on the street was they were getting paid enough to pretend like they like each other. :)

I'll bet there's more than one band out there like this.
Just ask Mick & Keith! :O
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Old 06-01-2018, 12:25 AM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

I dunno, sounds like your foot is out the door...and not fun.....but at the same time why not speak up, confront and air it all. It doesn't have to be ugly. You're mature adults, have a discussion, she should hear how it is for you, and how she has been acting. Reverse some of the 'constructive criticism' on to her. How 'rat tat tat ' is not a musical term for any drummer to understand.

Yes she might not see any fault of hers at all, and if so, you just drop the bomb in person and say you're done. Re-naming the bad after her though, that was not a good sign.
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Old 06-01-2018, 02:44 AM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

It could just be a communication issue. You could just be speaking a different language.

I've taken to ask people who can't actually speak music to at least reference some song if they're trying to suggest a part or a general feel that they can't articulate.

Helps get people in the same page quickly. I once worked with a guy who would call a shuffle, but to him that meant ANY blues. If I could at least get him to say "like 'sweet home chicago' " or "like 'stormy Monday' " helps a bunch, or "give it a Motown feel".
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Old 06-01-2018, 04:31 AM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

Yes, yes, yes...but there's the all important point being missed.

This singer person.

Is she hot?
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Old 06-01-2018, 04:35 AM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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Yes, yes, yes...but there's the all important point being missed.

This singer person.

Is she hot?
What kind of stupid question is that? If it's a warm day and there's no air conditioning, I assume so.
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Old 06-01-2018, 04:36 AM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

You might try telling her how to sing. OR just throw a stick at the back of her head.
As for the bass player, tell him "Hey....you're no Entwistle."
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Old 06-01-2018, 05:32 AM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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That's certainly one option I'm considering. However, since I'm in another good band and being recruited by 2 others now, I'm thinking it's not worth all the trouble.
Then a new question: Why did you even bring this up? If you know what you're gonna do, then there's no need to have a discussion on it.
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Old 06-01-2018, 05:41 AM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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Yes, yes, yes...but there's the all important point being missed.

This singer person.

Is she hot?
Not bad and younger than the rest of us...
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Old 06-01-2018, 05:46 AM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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Then a new question: Why did you even bring this up? If you know what you're gonna do, then there's no need to have a discussion on it.
I love her originals more than any music I'm playing elsewhere. If I quit, I'll likely still practice on my own playing her songs.
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Old 06-01-2018, 06:40 AM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

Hereís another possible scenario:

She already writes the bands good stuff and already has billing. That means she will go solo in at least a bit, or at most after 1 album or tour. So enjoy the ride for now, as long as she doesnt completely run over you.
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Old 06-01-2018, 04:21 PM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

Just ask her for a recording of the other drummer playing the songs. From what I gather, she wants the other guy anyway. I'd tell her "the critiquing will be in the beginning and after the song is established, the critiquing stops. I'm the band leader who put the band together and we're here to have fun, not to be critiquing all the time."
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Old 06-01-2018, 05:13 PM
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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Originally Posted by fpmr96a View Post
My apprehension is that the singers originals are excellent and this may be the best band I've ever played in. My other band is very good (and gigging) but the music is not as advanced or as good a fit for my style.
These are excellent reasons to at least TRY to communicate your feelings to her. Start with the positives (the music is fantastic, the songs are truly great, it's the best band ever, she is a great talent, etc.), and then move in to the criticism issue. It's tough to react positively to a single critique, when there have already been many critiques in the past. Ask her the most important question: how can the two of you bridge this gap in communication? Someone suggested a recording of her drummer friend. An in person demonstration or meeting could work as well. Of course, if she's the one to suggest it, it has a better chance of working out.

At least make this effort. If it doesn't pan out, you know you tried everything, and can move on without looking back.
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Old 06-01-2018, 05:46 PM
rebonn rebonn is offline
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

I think you have to deal with the heart of the matter which is her and the other drummer were together before she joined and wants him over you. Discuss the root of it all with everyone.
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Old 06-01-2018, 05:53 PM
fpmr96a fpmr96a is offline
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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Originally Posted by rebonn View Post
Just ask her for a recording of the other drummer playing the songs. From what I gather, she wants the other guy anyway. I'd tell her "the critiquing will be in the beginning and after the song is established, the critiquing stops. I'm the band leader who put the band together and we're here to have fun, not to be critiquing all the time."
I think you're right, that she wants the other drummer. I do have recordings and have played some things like the recording, but we're not doing that for any covers. She only critiques when we're playing her originals - never covers.

The other drummer is a female and actually very good as well as her best friend. (I think more than friends, but that's another issue...)
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Old 06-01-2018, 06:35 PM
Woolwich Woolwich is offline
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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Originally Posted by fpmr96a View Post
I think you're right, that she wants the other drummer. I do have recordings and have played some things like the recording, but we're not doing that for any covers. She only critiques when we're playing her originals - never covers.

The other drummer is a female and actually very good as well as her best friend. (I think more than friends, but that's another issue...)
And there you have it, if you'd mentioned this earlier it could have saved a lot of thought from your fellow members.
I don't have a solution, tbh the moment you named the band after her you lost control and it stopped being "your" band.
Be nice, see if there's a bridge that can be built, I'll bet that you'll end up walking away though :-(
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Old 06-01-2018, 07:12 PM
fpmr96a fpmr96a is offline
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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Originally Posted by Woolwich View Post
And there you have it, if you'd mentioned this earlier it could have saved a lot of thought from your fellow members.
I don't have a solution, tbh the moment you named the band after her you lost control and it stopped being "your" band.
Be nice, see if there's a bridge that can be built, I'll bet that you'll end up walking away though :-(
Probably accurate observations ...

I don't have any proof about the "more than friends" thing. Just a theory I've not discussed with anyone.

The reason why I didn't balk at naming the band after her was that half our song list is her own originals written by her. It's fair ...

I've been going week-to-week for a month about quitting, constantly giving it one more week. But, the same thing happens each week. The only thing keeping me is that I really do love her originals. That's the only thing ...

I'm going to practice all of her songs this weekend and really try to play like the recordings. If I make a lot of progress and she starts the critiquing, I'm going to pull her aside after the next rehearsal and suggest we come up with a better way of communicating.

My best guess is that one of these weeks she's going to push me over the edge and I'm going to blow my top. I am trying very hard to avoid that because I'd like to play with the other members in the future, perhaps in different bands.
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Old 06-01-2018, 07:23 PM
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Dr_Watso Dr_Watso is offline
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

What kind of things are you doing that she doesn't like? Are you just intentionally not playing things like she has recorded? If there's recordings then you literally know exactly how she wants it and it shouldn't be that hard to replicate. If you have musical reasons to not do what she's asking for, you should ask both yourself and her if your reasons are valid or if it's better as previously written.

Singers often use the dominant rhythms from the music to guide how they enunciate words and flow their vocals into the song... When we change those major rhythms up even slightly, even if it fits the song, it can still affect how the singer is delivering the vocals.
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Old 06-01-2018, 07:42 PM
fpmr96a fpmr96a is offline
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

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Originally Posted by Dr_Watso View Post
What kind of things are you doing that she doesn't like? Are you just intentionally not playing things like she has recorded? If there's recordings then you literally know exactly how she wants it and it shouldn't be that hard to replicate. If you have musical reasons to not do what she's asking for, you should ask both yourself and her if your reasons are valid or if it's better as previously written.

Singers often use the dominant rhythms from the music to guide how they enunciate words and flow their vocals into the song... When we change those major rhythms up even slightly, even if it fits the song, it can still affect how the singer is delivering the vocals.
I've practiced with her recordings quite a bit and have tried to play similarly. They have lots of breaks in unexpected places and I've not memorized them all, but neither has the rest of the band. However, I think I'm playing her songs pretty well, overall. I prefer to play as I feel it, but really have tried to conform. If I'm off from the groove, as recorded, it's not anything major. She seems to intervene on very specific parts and have something very specific in mind that she's not articulating clearly. I don't claim to be better than her prior drummer, but I think I'm as good.
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Old 06-01-2018, 08:51 PM
DrummerCA35 DrummerCA35 is offline
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Default Re: Should I Quit Band Due to Constant Critiques By Singer?

Iíve found that either there is a chemistry or there isnít. With some people you can do no right. That is not to say that you canít do your best to give them what they want, and that you canít try talking to them. I have tried both of those things over the years. And being able to talk and communicate and not throw the baby out with the bathwater is certainly and important skill.

But when something is right and feels good, you know it does. In our current band, I get a lot of compliments from our singer and other players, and obviously that feels great. It feels a lot better than somebody constantly critiquing you who has a drummer buddy who could step in, and who has just had the band named after them. And from what Iíve seen people tend to go with the singer as itís a lot easier to replace a drummer than the singer.

Iím really glad to be playing a great band with people I like being around with really great musicianship. And gigs too. When itís right, you know itís right.

However, I have also had a terrible experience of playing in a band a decade ago where there was a bad chemistry between myself andthe leader. I would go so far as to say that the leader was a complete asshole. There was no winning. I know I played great the last gig, and other members told me so, and yet I was still called by the leader and let go the next day. There was no winning with this person.

If I have any regret itís that I did not quit sooner before actually getting fired. To actually leave when I had a shred of dignity left.

Iím not equating your situation to my experience 10 years ago, but I just think that if something is not right and youíre doing your best to fix it it may not be because of you and may not be fixable. That no matter what you do this singer will ask you for a different kind of Ratatat Tat.

If you think itís worth it I would still have the conversation with her. Good luck.
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