Band wives and female patrons

Larry

"Uncle Larry"
I'm in a rock band, 3 piece plus a singer, and for most of our gigs, we have 3 of the wives at the gig. The wife of the lead singer...I like her a lot, however, she is making for some real problems. What I am about to write, this is the 3rd time this has happened in about 4 months, and was the worst of the 3 so far.

We're doing our set at a little bar near me, and this smoking hot woman comes in with a gay man, I think they had just come from a holiday party and could tell that they were having a great time, dancing and being very animated and boisterious, in a good way. So at one point, the woman, in her revelry, grabbed the lead singers face and planted a big fat kiss, right on his cheek. She was just feeling the vibe, I thought it looked harmless.

As you might have guessed, the singers wife got in the womans face and said who she was and to back the hell off. Well, the woman responded by grabbing our singers face and planting a "challenge" kiss right on the mouth. This was during a song. Well the wife blew a gasket, visibly distressed, talking trash, no violence, but threats of violence were made...it didn't end there, it went back and forth, but the end result was no violence and the woman was asked to leave by the staff. If there was ever a situation where the wife was going to actually do what she was threatening...this was it. The challenge kiss was a clear statement, and this woman was way bolder than other women in any previous situation.
It's becoming a real problem with her, the wife. The woman who did the kissing...the first kiss was innocent, had it been left be, it probably would have not gone any further, she was just having a good time, which I'm pretty sure is the reason we're there in the first place. Now I'm guessing this smoking hot woman probably told all of her smoking hot chick friends not to go see our band because the singers wife is this and that blah blah blah....

Sticky situation. One one hand, I want this to stop like right now if not sooner, but there's no way I'm opening my mouth on this one. She was clearly in the wrong, but she has diplomatic immunity from where I'm sitting as the wife of our lead singer. This is a pattern with her for sure. Any advice?
 
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that's a tough one. two bands ago both the lead guitarist and the lead singer got into serious martial trouble over hot girl fans. their wives got extremely jealous and the band broke up because of that, which is too bad because we were popular and starting to get somewhere. we'd just finished an album and were about to go on a regional tour. the former lead singer is now forbidden by his wife from being in any band that plays out. the lead guitarist is in another band but living in paranoia and will no longer talk to any female fans.

the only advice i have is to urge your singer to never get involved with female fans, but what happened in his case is pretty innocent and just part of being a performer.
 
... there's no way I'm opening my mouth on this one..
..

..Maybe you should. you might get lucky and get a challenge Kiss! Geez Larry, you guys have a lot of fun. I'd paint a dartboard on my face.

PS- Dont all bandgals know that all this is par for the course and we get tired constantly swatting them off like flies and sometimes some just take advantage of our fatigue and take a sip of the nectar every now and then?

...
 
Since I got back into playing music in 2003 after a 20 year hiatus, I've been in blues bands. Where I am, a blues band crowd consists of about 98% guys, so I haven't encountered this particular situation before, because rock crowds have a much larger percentage of females. If I was the singer, I would have verbally BLASTED her on the ride home. In my mind it amounts to fanbase sabotage due to personal insecurities. My hands are tied, so I must vent here. Thanks for listening lol.
 
My wife stopped coming to gigs a looooong time ago... I don't think a woman has ever talked to me at a gig. Sounds like the singers wife is crazy, and would be the kind of woman who would drive me nuts to be around. I agree with ed "Play the gig, get paid and go home."
 
I'd ask that she not come to shows unless she can put her jealous insecurities behind her and put faith in her husband's ability to keep things from progressing past a "harmless" level. I would agree that her presence puts the bands good name at risk. Not only with fans, but establishments who would frown upon a band who brings potential violence with them.

And c'mon, is the allure of the musician not part of the performance?
 
my wife is our lead singer, and she gets hit on all the time.....all I have to do is toss a stick up towards her and the perp usually will get the hint...if not, I will talk to them cordially at the set break and explain the situation.


F
 
Yep, innocent enough, but with the wife going redneck, that only invites more trouble. What bar crowd doesn't love a cat fight? Of course, the singer could have done the old "why thank you, but i'm happily married" routine after the cheek kiss. Since you said this happend a couple of times before tells me that he likes seeing the wife get riled up (just my opinion).

That's between him and his wife. Stay out of it.
 
On a previous incident, a woman called the lead singers cell phone to see where we will be playing. Now his cell phone is on the card that gets passed out, it's public property. This started a situation. All that was discussed was band stuff, no sex, but from a womans point of view, it's way different.
When guys hit on my wife, I'm complimented that I am the one going home with her. If the situation were reversed and a guy was trying to make time with the wife..I wonder if she would have told him to back off like she asked her husband to do...

Insecure people...I tell ya...
It really makes me all warm and fuzzy when someone wants to beat up people that we are trying to attract.
 
On a previous incident, a woman called the lead singers cell phone to see where we will be playing. Now his cell phone is on the card that gets passed out, it's public property. This started a situation. All that was discussed was band stuff, no sex, but from a womans point of view, it's way different.
When guys hit on my wife, I'm complimented that I am the one going home with her. If the situation were reversed and a guy was trying to make time with the wife..I wonder if she would have told him to back off like she asked her husband to do...

Insecure people...I tell ya...
It really makes me all warm and fuzzy when someone wants to beat up people that we are trying to attract.

As an evil joke, get your singer an "I'M MARRIED" t-shirt.

Yep, she definately has some insecurity issues. Best thing for you to do is strap in and keep it between the ditches.
 
Think I'm on the other side of this one so far...I think a line gets crossed when there is phyiscal contact... I don't believe the 1st kiss was innocent (of course this is my opinion from not being there) I believe their are people due to there looks that believe they can "get away" with things average looking people can't. I believe this girl was probably aware that there was a chance the singer had a significant other and decided to cross the line....maybe I an old fuddy duddy but I really believe physical contact crosses a line.
 
I disagree, I think you have to say something.

What to say, I'm not sure. But that kind of behavior is going to cost you gigs.
Either because the band will get thrown out, or plain old not asked back in the future because no one wants to deal the trouble.

Think about it: What if the other woman had been the bar owners sister? Or a writer for a local newspaper? Or the owner of a different entertainment venue that was considering offering the band a better gig? Chance are, probably not this time, but if this behavior continues, it's bound to cause problems, because her behavior reflects on the band as a whole.

Back when I was single and playing a lot, if I was seeing someone, and they started in on some crap like that over something mild, they got an earful from me. It's band, stuff happens, and it's part of the show. My wife and I have been together so long now because we realize we can't help what other people do, we can only control ourselves.

Sure, if your singer had somehow reciprocated the womans actions, his wife would have a reason. But he's the singer, he's going to get some attention. You play in front of people drinking, and drunk people are going to do dumb stuff. If the singers wife is going to get mad because people like that band, then you're not going to have much of band after a while.
 
Larry if you were like me and played with a bunch of old, fat guys (including myself on that remark) you wouldn't have these troubles.
 
Yeah, bring it on! I'm not getting the sabotage thing. Sure, an insecure singers wife will put off a female who fancies her chances with the singer, but think of the flip side. The possibility of a hot chick fracas will bring in a ton of femflesh sport hungry guys, & secretly, a few chicks with short haircuts too! It's a rock band!!! Uncivil behaviour goes with the territory.

Our singer & keys player (two good looking younger band members) got panties thrown at them at a gig this summer. Another girl took it upon herself to shake her unrestrained chest. Before I can check my wife isn't arming up with chick missiles, the two pantie throwing girls get on stage, put the panties on the keys player (yes, he struggled like hell, for at least 3 seconds), then sandwich grind him for the remainder of the song. Even the normally posessive key player's wife gave up her anger in the face of huge audience approval. She banned him from wearing chicks nickers at future gigs, he agreed. The following week, we got a ton of page messages, asking when the next "show" was on, & were the pantie throwing & chest ventilation girls hired in!

Keys player (arms folded) Singer (bottom left). As you can see, their attractiveness is increased by the old & butt ugly elements of the band, lol!
 

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I aggree with braincramp on this one. Hitting on someone is one thing, and usually doesn't have major consequences. But you cross the line when you trade fluids with someone else. If I were to go to a bar and "hit on" a strange woman by kissing her, that would be sexual assault.

Me pesonally, I wouldn't care about fan base. My committment would be to my wife, whom I stood before God and family and professed 'til death do us part'.

I don't think its too much to ask for this fella's wife to watch the band without her husband being groped.

Sounds like the lead singer knows it drives his wife nuts and likes the attention he gets. A sign of insecurity. I'm not sure there's much you can do about this one.
 
IDK DED, what would I say? Get over your insecurities? That's a lose/lose conversation if ever there was one. I'm not touching this with a....29 and a half foot pole! (from "Mr. Grinch")
However getting the "I'm Married" T shirt is a pretty funny angle.
Or: "Warning, contageous skin disease"

Wait, that's probably a bad idea...
 
IDK DED, what would I say? Get over your insecurities? That's a lose/lose conversation if ever there was one. I'm not touching this with a....29 and a half foot pole! (from "Mr. Grinch")
However getting the "I'm Married" T shirt is a pretty funny angle.
Or: "Warning, contageous skin disease"

Wait, that's probably a bad idea...

Well, you can't say anything to her directly. But you need to speak to him about the potential for lost gigs if she keeps freaking out at shows.

What bar is going to hire "that band who bring the wife the goes off on all the female patrons"?
 
Man, I don't think our singer needs to be reminded of potential for lost gigs, I'm sure he knows full well. The ball is in his court. I'm steering clear here. I couldn't keep it in, and thought that someone here maybe had a similar scenario that I could learn from.

Even talking to the singer about the problem with his wife is a potential minefield. He is cool and would probably have to agree that it is detrimantal but I'm not gonna start that conversation. The only thing I can safely do is hope he gets his wife in line.
 
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