Are we too hard on people around here?

I remember reading , [ "lurking"- not my prefered word ] , first up ; and thinking that there was so much to learn. There was, and still is. Downside, I had nothing to offer.
Until..............the Cape Story, posted by DWFOREVER.
O.K., I'm in. A bit of fun. That i'll be in.
Posted a bit after that.
Couldn't upload pictures. Ergo no 'my drum kit' offering. But did do the intro thing, etc.
Then I read a reply to a post, something to do with upcoming nuptials, that Larry had made.
I found his comments somewhat crass. But I couldn't not react to: " give her one for us", I find that offensive, and said so.
None of the female members or moderators commented, so I figured that apart from my having just commited social suicide, it was tolerated. Even though, in my opinion it flaunts the rules of the forum, [ yes, I read them ] ; and is a prime example of what happens when responsibility is not attached to freedom of speech.
Feel free to argue the ' politicaly correct/ incorrect ' line. But remember that words have power. That's the way I judge them.
In fairness, I have read other posts of Larry's that I considered deeply insightful and sensitive." So the guys a human being after all ", I thought. But I have noticed that core members, [ without whom the forum wouldn't exist ], do get a certain latitude with the forums governing rules.
Yep, I know. I've just commited ' social suicide ' again. But .................
Actualy, no buts.
 
I found his comments somewhat crass. But I couldn't not react to: " give her one for us", I find that offensive, and said so.
None of the female members or moderators commented, so I figured that apart from my having just commited social suicide, it was tolerated. Even though, in my opinion it flaunts the rules of the forum, [ yes, I read them ] ;
Why do you bother getting offended at things that you can't change and don't affect you? We're not trying to offend you, and we shouldn't have to always worry about not offending anyone here for relatively mild statements. We have good mods here, and if there's a real problem that affects the board, it gets dealt with. I've seen it.

and is a prime example of what happens when responsibility is not attached to freedom of speech.
What does that mean? If we start punishing people for saying the wrong thing, it's not free speech anymore. And anyway, the fact that the forum has rules on conduct means "freedom of speech" doesn't fully apply.

But remember that words have power. That's the way I judge them.
No they don't. Words have exactly as much power as you allow them. For example, instead of getting all offended about silly things, you can just let it pass and it's over. You can choose to be offended, or not.
 
I invite you to re-read the 'rules' / guides of the forum.

And yes, I remember that you were the only one who qouted back :
" I find that offensive"

Grow up.
 
O.K.
Before this goes any further:
" Are we too hard on people around here ? "

The original post was asking an important question.
Can you keep positively answering the same questions again and again ?

You are not an 'on-line service'.
However, you may be a 'noobs' first port of call.

You may also have to ' live ' by the ' code .

Things develop.

It becomes complicated

Bottom line.

Did you just answer the question by your reaction ?
 
What do you want this forum to be?

It can be whatever you want it to be...

... but the main and first reason I joined this forum (other than the fact I love anything and everything related to drums, drumming and drummers) was to enjoy myself, a place I come and visit for the sheer pleasure it gives me, now just over 2 years have gone by and it's still the main reason why I come here everyday, despite the very odd heated thread which will happen from time to time.

I do recall Larry's comment and your comment, and you're right, words can be powerful indeed, but they can also be interpreted in a different way sometime, I did reply in that thread too if you remember, implying that the "give her one for us" comment was a kiss on the cheek and there was nothing wrong with it.

We all wanna make jokes and what seems a funny remark from time to time, and sometimes we miss the humor, but more often than not, you can still turn it into what you want this forum to be.

There are time when a thread gets overboard and too hot to handle or when a member gets completely off the hook, but in my time here, those always have been dealt with the mods appropriately.
 
I find it interesting that the people who said there was no clique at DW are the ones on the inside of the "inner circle". ; )
Seriously though, sensing more than a hint of "Us Vs Them" mentality in some of the posts in this thread- the whole thing is becoming a bit too high-schoolish for my liking.
It may seem like certain members are given latitude with their posts but from what I've seen they're held just as accountable (perhaps even more so) as anyone else.
 
There is latitude given here, not just to longtimers, but to new timers as well. I thought New Tricks was granted lots of latitude on his "style of play" thread. And I'm glad for that. I think the mods do a good job here and are not over zealous. They are good judges of what they let pass and what they take action on. And you can't please everyone. The way I see it, this place is like a family, and with a family, you can't remain black and white on every issue. You take the good and you tolerate the not so good, as long as the intent of the not so good isn't malicious. I apologize to you personally for the "give her one for us" comment. I didn't mean it in a degrading way. It really was meant as, "way to go, have fun, we're sharing in your happiness because we're all connected here". I thought that was obvious, but that was my bad. So I apologize for offending you. I'm sorry.
 
Poop.

I'm relatively new to posting here, and I have something to say about this thread, even if I'm not cool enough for people to read my posts (which I find that, usually, they do....hmmm)

Stop whining...I'm disgusted with this whole PC "don't offend anybody" nonsense!!! Have a sense of self, and stop blaming your low self-esteem on other people!!! My head's about to explode.

BTW, I am not picking on any poster here...I've read the thread, and it has driven me near to insanity...Who cares? I just....

I still have faith in humanity, I still have faith in humanity, I still have.........
 
For the most part, drum forums are softer now than they were 7-8 years ago. For about six years (2003 to 2009) they were one very personal blood bath after another, meaning if someone complains now I can only comment..."You should have seen it back in the day."

What I observed about 3 years ago, was that younger posters were leaving forums and heading to Facebook and other places, while older owners and moderators either didn't notice or especially cared. For better or worse, this left forums decidedly older. I've learned despite whatever they might say to the contrary, Internet posters like it more when they're with people their own age. So when the majority of younger posters vacated (most leaving here around 2009) the generation gap haggling (that really was fight #1 and was at the core of misplaced technique vs. feel and/or back in my day contentious discussions) stopped for the most part, leaving mostly friendly middle aged guys and a handful of unrepentant crazy old trolls, who pull the exact same gimmicks (all over drum forum land) they pulled years ago, then come here when they've been kicked out everywhere else...because of all the major forums, Drummerworld has been the most tolerant about older guys who seem to have problems but don't do a lot of cursing.

I've mostly been off forums for well over a year, but upon my return the first thing noticed were those same characters spinning their wheels like a tape loop from hell, while the nicer crowd tried to mind their own business, mostly seeing the charade for what it was, and ignoring what in these days seems rare adversely negative behavior...which is probably what the threadstarter was originally alluding to.

With that said, the DW forum was never that rough and is especially tame now. Still, even now that I'm older I remain disappointed that the Internet drum vehicle for hungry going for it teens is entirely gone, when this place used to be where those guys parked their sticks.
 
I like this thread because it raises interesting discussion points. It exposes newcomers and long timers impressions. Long timers forget what it's like to be new here. Newcomers don't know what it's like to have thousands of posts and experience all that is drummerworld. It helps develop respect for each others respective viewpoint on things. I use this place as an outlet not only for drumming, but for non drumming stuff as well because I feel such a kinship here. I would not be here otherwise. The place rocks, warts and all.

Matt where do you think the hungry younger crowd went?
 
Matt where do you think the hungry younger crowd went?

They talk among their friends on Facebook, although the same number appear to lurk on forums.

You know Larry, this whole subculture is a funny thing. It's part of your overall thing when you're involved. But once you leave, you're mostly gone.
 
I invite you to re-read the 'rules' / guides of the forum.

And yes, I remember that you were the only one who qouted back :
" I find that offensive"

Grow up.

By "grow up" I suppose you mean I should waste my time being offended by dumb stuff that has nothing to do with me? That would help me somehow? I'm not the one who goes getting all huffy like a child, reporting how offended they are at being "forced" to read a slightly sexual comment that had nothing to do with me.

I was making the same point that you think you're making now. Any idiot can decide to be offended for no good reason at something you do or say. Those words don't have any power over you unless you give it to them.
 
Honestly, I really don't get it. I have felt nothing but welcomed here. Heck, sometimes I feel like I've almost become the forum mascot or the little poor kid that's been adopted and everyone watches over me or at least tolerates. lol Either way, I know I've asked some really stupid newb questions, no I mean REALLY stupid, but there's always been at least one or two who have the patience to respond nicely.

Maybe it's partly because I'm female and we seem to be somewhat of a rarity here but still I have to believe that some of it is due to my own efforts. I wasn't in the so-called clique to start with, of course, but I worked at it...I started threads, put my playing out there (sorry to those of you who had to watch the early videos that i know were very cringe-worthy), and I commented on other's posts where I felt I had something to add. Simple as that. Eventually I started to get to know personalities and feeling more comfortable with some of the regular posters. And you know what? Not one of them said I couldn't join in, either!

But it didn't happen in a day, a week or even a month. I think that's part of the problem, too. We live in an "I want it now" society and when we aren't accepted immediately, we want to know why not. Well life doesn't work that way, you know? It takes time and perserverence and if other posters see you're willing to put in the time and effort...so will they.
 
I
Matt where do you think the hungry younger crowd went?

I'd assume other forums, and like Matt said, facebook groups. As the internet has evolved over the last 15-20 years, I've seen many forms of online social media come and go.

15 years ago, we had AOL message boards. They were plain text, no thrills. And only accessible if you had AOL.

They died out as email user groups got more popular. Anyone could sign up, and discuss drums, AOL or not.

Then the forum was invented, and the email user groups died off because forums allowed user pictures, signatures and the ability to post pictures. I remember the leader of one popular email group asking why membership was dying off, and the answer was simply the internet has evolved.

And forums have evolved as well.

This forum is pretty much no thrills as far as features. All smilies/emoticons are turned off and forbiden from being used. HTML is turned off so you can't imbed youtube videos, only links. The color scheme is kind of bland. Compared to say, the Pearl forum.

Not knocking this forum, but for the younger generation that grew up with the Internet, this place doesn't come off as being for the young and hip.

And as we've seen when these topics come up, the "older generation" responds pretty negatively to updating any features. I didn't read the entire "like button" thread, but it seems from skimming it, it got pretty heated, and divided by generation. Same with a previous thread about why aren't there smilies/emotioncons.

I personally don't care that much that this is plain text. I remember when the internet didn't exist. And I'm not knocking Bernard, as he does an amazing job keeping the site going.

But I get it, if you're a young kid, trying to be hip, the only allowing plain text comes off as way old school. There are other forums come off more hip. And their are drum FB groups that allow way more interaction. And really, a whole overhaul isn't even needed, just a few clicks on the admin panel could enable features built into the vbullentin software package.

Check out the Pearl forum. The user base is much younger. Perhaps some might find it annoying, but it's full of kids posting. The colors are sharper, and it's an overall more visual experience. Drumchat, basically exactly the same as this, but allows imbedded youtube videos and emoticons.

Kids have choices, and people tend to like their visuals.
 
I don't get it either, Mary.

I was gonna rant, but decided to move on to other posts. Posts that may inform, inspire or incite me.

Always remember that this is a neighborhood. Some neighbors are crabby, others are pranksters or jokers, some are just plain nice. You moved here voluntarily - please don't complain. Like Mary said, toughen up, listen more than you speak; hang around long enough to get to know us. You'll probably like it here. If not, good luck in your travels.

Have a Great Day!

John
 
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