Never be the loudest guy onstage is a good rule of thumb. (listening and awareness are a requirement here) Some observations which may or may not be the case: The thing that jumps out at me the most from what you've said is perhaps you're not blending your volume well enough with the others, which comes down to listening and being more sensitive. Get bigger ears. Your guitar player is trying to help you out it sounds like. You probably are too loud. Maybe you're trying too hard? Relax with the music, don't try to make the drums the most important thing. Get the bigger picture. Defer to the song.
While drum beats and fills are important, blending with the proper intensity...applying the beat or the fill with just the right volume, is where the artfulness comes in. The song is the objective not the drum part. Play your part in the whole, don't play it like your part is the whole. Because it's not. It's not about the drums, not at all. You're just a support piece of a larger picture.
I record myself religiously and I distinctly remember hearing myself early on and cringing thinking certain fills stuck out way too much. I was simply playing them too loud. So the next time I would do it, I didn't change the fill at all, I just played it with less volume and it worked perfect on playback. The fill wasn't wrong, the blending of the fill was wrong. I wasn't listening, I was thinking, OK my turn to show off a little. How effing dumb to think that. Ever since then I know that by default, fills sound better when played at the same volume, not "stuck out".
I consider dynamics to be advanced. You have to spend a lot of time with the instrument before you're ready to tackle good dynamics, for they require control. For instance, when ramping a song down in volume to a whisper from a roar, the common tendency is that the tempo lags. Being able to play a steady unwavering beat while going up and down considerably in volume is a good exercise. Being able to play really quietly, and I mean quiet enough where normal conversation is louder...should be a part of your abilities. I wouldn't have the gig I do now if I couldn't. I have to be able to groove, all night long, at 1" stick heights in a lot of these rooms. It seems like I play rooms devoid of soft surfaces most of the time.
It's a lot more restrictive when you must play with purpose but can only tap your drums. It's much easier to play when you can hit them normally without having to keep the output volume stupid low. But it's all about control. I am forced to play differently in every single room, depending on how "loud" each room is, and within those confines, make it so the music still has it's ups and downs, volumically speaking lol. When a singer is on mic and your beat is just too loud...it ruins things. Back off, play the background, not the foreground. It's real easy to ruin songs with rude drumming.