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  #1  
Old 02-12-2012, 08:22 AM
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Default Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

Hey everyone,
I kind of have a problem and I hope I'm not the only one having it.
Here's the thing:

I'm totally into music and drums,
and when I go out the only thing I can think about is the music that's playing in this place and that I could be playing drums instead of beeing at the party. So when I'm there I can't really flirt with girls except for when I'm a little drunk. Then I don't care anymore about the music and dance with everybody and I'm kind of charming.

Well, the problem is that I don't want to have to be drunk if I want to get something started with a woman. Sometimes I wished I had girlfriend but my mind says "girls are bad, they steal your time to make music".

I can't support this anymore, because I don't know what I want.
Do I want a girlfriend? -Yes
Do I want have to spend time with her? -No
Do I want to become a professional musician? -Yes
Do I want to have someone to rely on? -Yes

I hope you might have some experience and can help me, or advise me to do something.
If you want to you can say: "hey bro, you're crazy".

Ok,
thanks for reading this and I hope you can understand what I'm saying.

Greetings from Switzerland
Pady
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  #2  
Old 02-12-2012, 08:55 AM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

Do you really think you are charming when you are drunk? I doubt it.
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Old 02-12-2012, 10:08 AM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

Yes, when I've drunk a little bit.
Then I don't really listen to the music, but I'm still 100% present.
Ok, charming might be a too strong adjective, but I make funny jokes.
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Old 02-12-2012, 10:38 AM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

Quote:
Originally Posted by DrummerPady View Post

Do I want have to spend time with her? -No
Do I want to play drums? -yes
Do I want to spend time learning how to play drums -no

Do you see the problem?
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Old 02-12-2012, 10:41 AM
DrummerPady DrummerPady is offline
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

Yes I see it, but what do you mean by saying this?
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Old 02-12-2012, 10:51 AM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

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Originally Posted by DrummerPady View Post
Yes I see it, but what do you mean by saying this?
He's saying if you don't want to invest any time with a bird, then what's the point?
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Old 02-12-2012, 10:57 AM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

So that means no women and only drums, right?

But how do you handle this, do you all want to invest much time in going out and get to know someone?
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  #8  
Old 02-12-2012, 11:02 AM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

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Originally Posted by DrummerPady View Post
So that means no women and only drums, right?
Where did that come from? Can't recall seeing anyone say that at all.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DrummerPady View Post
But how do you handle this, do you all want to invest much time in going out and get to know someone?
Same way as billions of guys the world over have. Go and find a bird you like, ask her out and see what comes of it.
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Old 02-12-2012, 11:08 AM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

It's down to what you want, & how much time you're prepared to devote. If you are totally focussed on a drumming career, & that's your 1st priority, then you need to work out if you've got enough time spare to forge a meaningful relationship. If you can't spare the time, then don't bother looking for a partner. If you can, then go for it.
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Old 02-12-2012, 11:08 AM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

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Originally Posted by Pocket-full-of-gold View Post
He's saying if you don't want to invest any time with a bird, then what's the point?
What's the point in having a girlfriend who you don't want to spend time with? Sex, status, financial security.

Pady, seems like now is the time to play drums. Maybe start looking for a girlfriend when you're ready.
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Old 02-12-2012, 11:15 AM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

It wouldn't be about sex or anything you just mentioned, it would be because I like her and want to be with her. And I'm spending so much energy and time into drums I'd like to have someone to can rely on.

But,
I'm afraid you're right, it's not the right time for me to have a girlfriend, I'm not enough mature for this.

It's time to play drums and to stop thinking about how it could be having a relationship.

When did you started to have a relationship? How did you know it was the right time and the right person?
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Old 02-12-2012, 11:18 AM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pollyanna View Post
Sex, status, financial security.
Sex: can be had at any time Pol. Shouldn't need a steady girlfriend just to get laid.....just a willing participant.

Status: Yep, I'm willing to concede that one. After all, who want's to be the dude everyone takes pity on by trying to continually set him up.

Financial security: Not in my world mate. As I recall, I always had far more cash in my pocket as a single man.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DrummerPady View Post
How did you know it was the right time and the right person?
I've had a few "right times" and a few more "right persons"........The answer is simple. The one I married was the one who didn't send me packing. :-)
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Old 02-12-2012, 11:20 AM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

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Originally Posted by DrummerPady View Post
It wouldn't be about sex or anything you just mentioned, it would be because I like her and want to be with her. And I'm spending so much energy and time into drums I'd like to have someone to can rely on.

But,
I'm afraid you're right, it's not the right time for me to have a girlfriend, I'm not enough mature for this.

It's time to play drums and to stop thinking about how it could be having a relationship.

When did you started to have a relationship? How did you know it was the right time and the right person?
I'm guessing you're not in your 20's yet? Just do what you do, & if someone comes along who's interested in you, then pick the ball up & run with it. There is no right time, & it's certainly something you can't plan for or control. Have fun, be yourself, then if someone is interested, at least they're interested in you, not the image you may wish to put out there.
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Old 02-12-2012, 11:24 AM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

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Originally Posted by DrummerPady View Post
But how do you handle this, do you all want to invest much time in going out and get to know someone?
If it's a chore then she's not for you. You need a low maintenance gal who has compelling interests of her own and who wants what you want - someone to hang out with when not obsessing over their stuff.
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Old 02-12-2012, 11:32 AM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

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If it's a chore then she's not for you. You need a low maintenance gal who has compelling interests of her own and who wants what you want - someone to hang out with when not obsessing over their stuff.

That souns good and a little crazy too.
Could we consider this as a serious relationship?
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  #16  
Old 02-12-2012, 11:33 AM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

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Originally Posted by DrummerPady View Post
How did you know it was the right time and the right person?
IMHO, you will only know that in hindsight. If you meet someone you like to be with, and who enjoys your company for more than a few minutes, make plans to meet up again. If she agrees and you still like to be together, do it again. If it continues to be a fulfilling experience, make it regular. If things go south (no offense to those from that part of the earth) then let go. But only when you have experienced and gotten to know each other will you know if it was the "right time" and if she/he is the "right person."
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Old 02-12-2012, 01:13 PM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

It's always a tough one mate. I know exactly what you're saying, you want a girlfriend, like a proper girlfriend not just a f++k buddy, but you don't know if you can really commit to having one right now due to other things in your life such as music. It's a bit of a paradox really. Being single can in some ways totally focus your mind but you also get times when you just don't feel like doing anything. My suggestion would be to not think about it for a few years. Really get your head down and practice hard, go to the gym, get some kick ass biceps and triceps and quadriceps, try to start getting a name for yourself and then once you feel you're in a stable position in life, that will be the time when you can finally go for it. If you start to go a bit crazy then by all means go and have a shag with someone, just for a bit of release. Then back to drumming.
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Old 02-12-2012, 01:15 PM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

Maybe someone should make a musician dating site. Probably some good money to be made there.
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Old 02-12-2012, 01:19 PM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

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Maybe someone should make a musician dating site. Probably some good money to be made there.
Well there are dating sites geared towards people of a particular musical inclination:

http://www.hardrockdating.com/
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Old 02-12-2012, 01:34 PM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

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It's always a tough one mate. I know exactly what you're saying, you want a girlfriend, like a proper girlfriend not just a f++k buddy, but you don't know if you can really commit to having one right now due to other things in your life such as music. It's a bit of a paradox really. Being single can in some ways totally focus your mind but you also get times when you just don't feel like doing anything. My suggestion would be to not think about it for a few years. Really get your head down and practice hard, go to the gym, get some kick ass biceps and triceps and quadriceps, try to start getting a name for yourself and then once you feel you're in a stable position in life, that will be the time when you can finally go for it. If you start to go a bit crazy then by all means go and have a shag with someone, just for a bit of release. Then back to drumming.
That's exactly my problem.
And I'm doing all this things you're talking aout, I'm going to the gym 5 times a week, I go out like every four months because I'm practicing, and everything I do is because of drumming.

But there are some moments where I would be happy to have someone, right now I'm having such a moment. But there aren't many of these moments.


I want to thank you all for your posts and advices.
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Old 02-12-2012, 02:44 PM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

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Originally Posted by DrummerPady View Post
That's exactly my problem...
Interesting thread on a delicate topic, a lot of good replies by many members...

When I started drumming, I had that "dream" of becoming a professional musician, and I sacrified a lot of my time doing so at the expense of relationships, with both my girlfriend ( I had a girlfriend when I started music) and my friends and family.

Now, very few of us out there can genuinely say that they achieved such "dream(s)", most of us never have and never will have the chance of earning a decent financial reward to be able to go through life as a professional musician, this regardless of how good a musician is able master his/her craft. It takes more than being an acomplished drummer to get there IMO. :)

It's OK to be smitten by girls and whishing upon a relationship with shuch feeling toward a girl, but if you find the special one, the one that you'll be in love with, and provididing that the feeling is mutual, it will not be difficult as far as "relationship" is concerned, I married the girlfriend I had when I started music, and throughout my life as a musician, she's always supported me in whatever decision I made upon my views and choices in music, and although she's not a musician, she's the best friend I ever had within my musical career over all these years. :)

You cannot just play drums 24/7 365 days a year, so, when the few non music involved moments arise in your life, enjoy them, girlfriend(s), family and friends, there's much more to life than just music. :)
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Old 02-12-2012, 03:13 PM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

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Originally Posted by DrummerPady View Post
How did you know it was the right time and the right person?
It will be the right time when you find someone you are willing to spend time with. If you're not willing to put anything into the relationship, you're not going get anything out of it...that simple.
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Old 02-12-2012, 06:37 PM
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That's exactly my problem.
And I'm doing all this things you're talking aout, I'm going to the gym 5 times a week, I go out like every four months because I'm practicing, and everything I do is because of drumming.

But there are some moments where I would be happy to have someone, right now I'm having such a moment. But there aren't many of these moments.


I want to thank you all for your posts and advices.
Well I think you're doing all the right stuff. As I say, try not to worry about it until you're in a position when you feel like you could spare the time for that sort of commitment without giving up on what you want to do in life, which is drumming.

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It will be the right time when you find someone you are willing to spend time with. If you're not willing to put anything into the relationship, you're not going get anything out of it...that simple.
That is certainly true. Unfortunately, you don't always get anything out of a relationship even if you do put the time and effort into it.
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Old 02-12-2012, 08:14 PM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

Guys thank you so much for this great discussion.

I hope this doesn't just help me but others too, who have a similar problem.

I really apreciate the advices and suggestions you gave me.
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Old 02-13-2012, 05:41 PM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

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Originally Posted by Thaard View Post
Maybe someone should make a musician dating site. Probably some good money to be made there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by eddiehimself View Post
Well there are dating sites geared towards people of a particular musical inclination:

http://www.hardrockdating.com/
Not a well thought out business model if you ask me. Most of the musicians I know are poor, and if they have any money spend it on gear. Those that aren't poor are also in a relationship.
Here's a few sites I'd rival with targeting the same broke-ass market:
starvingartistdinnerandamovieminusdinner.com
hobohookups.org
trailerparkspark.com
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Old 02-13-2012, 05:51 PM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

I'm quite fond of beerandchilinutsforaromanticdinner.com and toobrokeforcinemasowewatchtv.com.
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Old 02-14-2012, 08:03 AM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

lets put it this way. i used to just play drums, constantly. nothing else. i recently found a lady and it chilled me out A LOT. to the point where i no longer feel like taking an axe into a tescos and pulling a nicholson.

p.s. i set her on a wall last week (she was drunk) and she fell off and chipped 2 teeth. for valentines day i've bought her an electric toothbrush. :D the funniest thing is i met her mum this weekend and she thought i was a "nice guy". very cool lady.
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Old 02-14-2012, 08:35 AM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

Even apart from drumming, we don't have time in our lives for everything.
We always have to choose. I think that's a good thing, because we learn
what's important to us.

My experience: Sometimes I kind of wish I was alone, to have more time
and freedom for my own things, like practicing. But my girl definitely made
me more mature, more responsible, and all around a better person I think.
And as if that wouldn't be enough on its own, those attributes are definitely
helping as a musician, too :).

We shouldn't forget: Being successful as a drummer doesn't just mean
having practiced like crazy and being the fastest, the most complex and
most skillful drummer. It can, but it doesn't guarantee anything, nor does
it mean as much as we think.
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Old 02-14-2012, 08:42 AM
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We shouldn't forget: Being successful as a drummer doesn't just mean
having practiced like crazy and being the fastest, the most complex and
most skillful drummer. It can, but it doesn't guarantee anything, nor does
it mean as much as we think.
I totally agree with this. :)
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Old 02-14-2012, 08:46 AM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

...

I think you are mixing up two issues here. I think you are shy and need a little achoholic bolstering to feel comfortable around girls- not an unusual phenomenon at all - AND that you want to pin it on music being the reason that you might be a little socially awkward.

Sorry to play online armchair psychiatrist but this is what it looks like from where I am.

I think if you approach this with a healthy attitude and get yourself comfortable and natural around members of the opposite sex, music and women dont need to be at odds with each other. Heck you might get lucky with an awesome chick bass player.. ( I mean that musically, of course )

For further tips, please hit up Swiss Mathais on how to hadle this locally.


...

Last edited by aydee; 02-14-2012 at 10:34 AM.
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Old 02-14-2012, 09:32 AM
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I think if you approach this with a healthy attitude and get yourself comfortable and natural around members of the opposite sex, music and women dont need to be at odds with each other. Heck you might get lucky with an awesome chick bass player.. ( I mean that musically, of course )
I wouldn't hold your breath though, I've been trying that one for the past 6 years :p
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Old 02-14-2012, 11:07 AM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

sounds like a friends with benefits is what would be the solution. Just make it clear from the start what it is, otherwise someone might get hurt...;)
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Old 02-14-2012, 11:20 AM
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music and women dont need to be at odds with each other
True :)
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Old 02-14-2012, 01:54 PM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

Disregard Females, acquire drumming-skills.
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Old 02-14-2012, 01:59 PM
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Disregard Females, acquire drumming-skills.
Thaardy, you sound like Mr. Miyagi


....
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Old 02-14-2012, 03:24 PM
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Thaardy, you sound like Mr. Miyagi


....
... or Yoda!

(yikes, there is a minimum character per message on these boards...)
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Old 02-14-2012, 03:26 PM
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(yikes, there is a minimum character per message on these boards...)
What a joke.
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Old 02-17-2012, 01:51 PM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

Keep making music; music is much, much easier ;)
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Old 02-17-2012, 05:29 PM
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Default Re: Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

I love Drums...But Women! You can hug & kiss them...So I love them both. :-)
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Old 02-17-2012, 06:29 PM
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I love Drums...But Women! You can hug & kiss them...So I love them both. :-)
How true. But it is only a matter of time before someone points out that you can hug and kiss drums as well. But the real point is that women can hug and kiss you back.

There is nothing more important in life than the personal relationships you make. Those are truly the only things worth cherishing.
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