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  #81  
Old 11-24-2011, 05:47 PM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

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Then do the only sane thing there is to do. Murder-suicide. :D











That was a joke by the way.
I'd hope so! Really it's not worth getting upset over, there's really nothing I could've done differently. That was the main point I think he was trying to stress the entire time we were talking, don't feel at all like it's me that's the reason we can't be together, it's her. Since she is hands down the coolest girl I have ever met and one of the coolest people I've met in a long time, I'm glad to say that I have her as a friend!
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  #82  
Old 11-24-2011, 06:08 PM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

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Somehow spread a rumor about the excess size of your man parts. This will create a buzz among the others too. All of a sudden, you're desirable. Then you ask her out. Can't lose.
Remember she said she was a vegetarian.
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  #83  
Old 11-24-2011, 06:10 PM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

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Remember she said she was a vegetarian.
Do vegetarian drink milk?
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  #84  
Old 11-25-2011, 03:01 AM
drummindan8484 drummindan8484 is offline
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

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Do vegetarian drink milk?
Yes, unless they're vegan, which she is clearly not.
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  #85  
Old 11-26-2011, 10:54 PM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

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Do vegetarian drink milk?
I certainly do. Got to be careful about cheese though.
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  #86  
Old 11-26-2011, 11:30 PM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

Son if you ain't dippin by now its time to be slippin............try the sax player atleast her technique is in conjuction with a plausable entertaining endeavor based on fun and needs. Dating a guitar player just didn't sound right, they're sooooooooooo loud and stupid! Doc
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  #87  
Old 11-26-2011, 11:34 PM
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Son if you ain't dippin by now its time to be slippin............try the sax player atleast her technique is in conjuction with a plausable entertaining endeavor based on fun and needs. Dating a guitar player just didn't sound right, they're sooooooooooo loud and stupid! Doc
I can't help but notice that you don't really like guitar players... any reasons Doc? (except than too loud and stupid)
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  #88  
Old 11-26-2011, 11:48 PM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

.........nope the Loud & Stupid just about sums it up!!! Doc
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  #89  
Old 11-27-2011, 05:59 PM
drummindan8484 drummindan8484 is offline
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

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Son if you ain't dippin by now its time to be slippin............try the sax player atleast her technique is in conjuction with a plausable entertaining endeavor based on fun and needs. Dating a guitar player just didn't sound right, they're sooooooooooo loud and stupid! Doc
Not her, and our sax players are all at least 40 if not older.
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  #90  
Old 11-27-2011, 06:55 PM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

Attitude over age everytime, you can meet a beautifull woman who looks to be your perfect example of ALL your needs and her attitude is exactly what you hate!!!! The Attitude must come first then the other stuff falls into place as you gain more experiences. Wow 40 huh!!! I guess its relative because 40 is pretty young to me but if I remember right even as a 20 to 25 year old 40 was NEVER to old for me. You just might learn a few things if you know what I mean, don't get hurt!! hahahaha!! Doc
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  #91  
Old 11-28-2011, 04:28 AM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

I said 40 just because I think one of them may be around 40, one of them looks between 50 and 65, and the other's a dude in the same age range. The 40 year old one also I'm pretty sure plays for the other team. So yeah, if you wanna date a hot female musician, go for the guitar players :).
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  #92  
Old 11-28-2011, 04:30 AM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

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I said 40 just because I think one of them may be around 40, one of them looks between 50 and 65..............
A wise man once told me, the one you knock back is the one you miss out on.
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  #93  
Old 11-29-2011, 05:30 AM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

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A wise man once told me, the one you knock back is the one you miss out on.
Not missing anything, there's plenty of girls between the ages of 18 and 22 (I'm 20) that I don't need to even try with anyone older!
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  #94  
Old 11-29-2011, 05:33 AM
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Not missing anything, there's plenty of girls between the ages of 18 and 22 (I'm 20) that I don't need to even try with anyone older!
Well what are you doing talking to me on a drum forum........out and at 'em young man!!
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  #95  
Old 11-29-2011, 06:13 AM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

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If you don't, someone else might, and you will be kicking yourself for it. She can't hurt you. The worst she can say is get lost. At least you will of tried.
Awesome - what a great thread! Between sticks' and eddie you've got the manic and the depression of it summed up.

You could just go over and ask her - like taking off a bandaid - do it quick with no time to procrastinate..... she might just say yes, but then she might look at you like a disease and then cause you 2 full years of torment and humiliation at college.....

There - that should make it all easier ;-)
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  #96  
Old 11-30-2011, 05:54 AM
drummindan8484 drummindan8484 is offline
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

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Awesome - what a great thread! Between sticks' and eddie you've got the manic and the depression of it summed up.

You could just go over and ask her - like taking off a bandaid - do it quick with no time to procrastinate..... she might just say yes, but then she might look at you like a disease and then cause you 2 full years of torment and humiliation at college.....

There - that should make it all easier ;-)
You're a little behind my friend. Go back a ways for the full details, but I already asked. She left me hanging ("can I get back to you on that?"), so I talked to one of my teachers who plays in a band with her and is great friends with her and he said it's probably a no. We talked again today. They hung out last night after class and he asked her about it and she said "he's a nice guy but I don't know"- so there you go, on that level this isn't happening.

I really could use some help though with something else related to this situation. Last week when we were just talking about me hanging out with her, he casually said something like "if you wanna hang out with us sometime I'm down". And today he disclosed pretty much everything about there Monday night hangouts sans the address of the location (his house)- so I feel like that may have been sort of an indirect invitation. Or you could think of it this way, if it was some super secret, he wouldn't have let me in on it, and he just mentioned it to me now after all the times he could have.

So here's the question. He's a very busy man, has a lot going on in his life and I have a feeling that for us to hang out, it's gonna have to be me that suggests we do so. So my question is, is there a way that I could perhaps remind him of his offer and ask to join them without seeming invasive?
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  #97  
Old 11-30-2011, 06:01 AM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

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is there a way that I could perhaps remind him of his offer and ask to join them without seeming invasive?[/b]
Hi mate, what's up tonight? Feel like hooking up for a beer?
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  #98  
Old 11-30-2011, 11:25 AM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

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Hi mate, what's up tonight? Feel like hooking up for a beer?
Actually I would refrase it to "Hey man".

Don't want your teacher to think you're now faking australian accent just to get chicks right?
Haha. :D

Cheers!
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  #99  
Old 11-30-2011, 11:39 AM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

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She left me hanging ("can I get back to you on that?"), so I talked to one of my teachers who plays in a band with her and is great friends with her and he said it's probably a no. We talked again today. They hung out last night after class and he asked her about it and she said "he's a nice guy but I don't know"- so there you go, on that level this isn't happening.
Nah man, just try again, until she goes on a date with you she isn't really going to know. Story - I tried it on one night and got turned down pretty hard. Tried again the following day and found success. It's been 3 years and I'm still with her. Just don't turn into a stalker! If you have made a few attempts and it really isn't happening, then sure, let it go, but once isn't really enough.

And at the same time, go after other girls, just because you like one, doesn't mean you can't have fun with others. I wish someone had given me this advice when I was younger.
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  #100  
Old 12-01-2011, 12:28 AM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

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I really could use some help though with something else related to this situation. Last week when we were just talking about me hanging out with her, he casually said something like "if you wanna hang out with us sometime I'm down". And today he disclosed pretty much everything about there Monday night hangouts sans the address of the location (his house)- so I feel like that may have been sort of an indirect invitation. Or you could think of it this way, if it was some super secret, he wouldn't have let me in on it, and he just mentioned it to me now after all the times he could have.
Sounds like an invitation to me - perhaps he's helping you out by lining up the opportunity to get to know her / them better. Very nice of this dude. I'd say tell him you'd like to hangout - ask what time is good and be fashionably late (like 20 mins so you're not the first one there - then he gets to do the introduction and you in like Flynn) .... (yes, I know it's in like Flint but that's the Australian version of the saying).

Be cool man
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  #101  
Old 12-01-2011, 12:30 AM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

Go for it, you already have the advantage if you play as cool an istrument as ours...
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  #102  
Old 12-01-2011, 06:09 AM
drummindan8484 drummindan8484 is offline
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

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Nah man, just try again, until she goes on a date with you she isn't really going to know. Story - I tried it on one night and got turned down pretty hard. Tried again the following day and found success. It's been 3 years and I'm still with her. Just don't turn into a stalker! If you have made a few attempts and it really isn't happening, then sure, let it go, but once isn't really enough.

And at the same time, go after other girls, just because you like one, doesn't mean you can't have fun with others. I wish someone had given me this advice when I was younger.
Trust me man, with this one, one time is enough. This girl is one of those that seems like she'd be a blast to hang out with, just like one of the guys, but there are plenty of others that I'd be better for in terms of dating.
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  #103  
Old 12-01-2011, 02:49 PM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

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Trust me man, with this one, one time is enough. This girl is one of those that seems like she'd be a blast to hang out with, just like one of the guys, but there are plenty of others that I'd be better for in terms of dating.
It's always good to have friends who are girls because it means you will be more comfortable around them in the future.
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  #104  
Old 12-01-2011, 09:54 PM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

Update:

She just sent me a Facebook message this morning giving me a definite no and said exactly what I said above, really it comes down to religious differences. I decided instead that I'd call my teacher and ask for her cell # so I can call her and discuss it instead of just over Facebook.
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  #105  
Old 12-02-2011, 12:17 AM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

she can't be that religious if she's playing in a Zep Cover band...

My advice is to forget about dating her altogether..
Definately DON'T contact her via phone by getting her number from someone else.
that's a VERY bad idea.

If she flat turned you down on just going out for a bite to eat or coffee, that's a very bad sign regardless of her lame excuse. she probably has the hots for someone else.

infact do the opposite of what your think you should do:
pay her no mind, ignore her - she doesn't exist anymore.

Best case scenario (if you really got the hots for her) she'll approach you
as to why you don't talk to her anymore - that's when you can say:
"Look, you turned me down for a cup of coffee and that's a big red flag for me
all I wanted was to get to know you better but it seems like that was a waste of time"

In my experience, it has never worked out pursuing a girl.
The harder you try the more they reject you - in fact all the girls I've dated
pursued me!

And I find it's best that way - when the girl picks you...

I never had any luck with girls until I stopped caring. I just did my thing, (be myself)
and when I stopped worrying about whether girls noticed me or not, all of a sudden
there were plenty that wanted my number.

over the years I've learned to wait for that specific look - you can see it in their eyes,
in the way they talk to you and body language when they're even slightly interested
then...and only then do you pour on the charm...compliment them..tell them some funny jokes...it's really pretty easy when they start to show even a little interest..

but when they don't show any interest...or worse yet turn you down for a simple
bite to eat or coffee....forget 'em and move on. It's not worth it man, save yourself the
rejection.

The best thing you can do at this point - is totally forget about her and don't look bummed about it - do the opposite, crack jokes, have a good time, be yourself..
who knows this may even spark her interest into what makes you tick.

She had her shot now it's her turn and if she never comes around...your probably better off - I know - I have seen many of the girls that I thought were hot in college
that had that same attitude - shutting you down and not giving you a chance - 99%
of them turned out later in life as non-attractive, divorced, toothless wonders hooked on meth...

there are plenty of fish in the sea...let one pick you...seriously it is SO much better
than getting your ego kicked in by some stuck up, confused little girl.

You don't want her anyway.
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  #106  
Old 12-02-2011, 12:57 AM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

He chased her and chased her and chased her and chased her until she finally caught him.
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  #107  
Old 12-02-2011, 04:29 AM
drummindan8484 drummindan8484 is offline
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spectron View Post
she can't be that religious if she's playing in a Zep Cover band...

My advice is to forget about dating her altogether..
Definately DON'T contact her via phone by getting her number from someone else.
that's a VERY bad idea.

If she flat turned you down on just going out for a bite to eat or coffee, that's a very bad sign regardless of her lame excuse. she probably has the hots for someone else.

infact do the opposite of what your think you should do:
pay her no mind, ignore her - she doesn't exist anymore.

Best case scenario (if you really got the hots for her) she'll approach you
as to why you don't talk to her anymore - that's when you can say:
"Look, you turned me down for a cup of coffee and that's a big red flag for me
all I wanted was to get to know you better but it seems like that was a waste of time"

In my experience, it has never worked out pursuing a girl.
The harder you try the more they reject you - in fact all the girls I've dated
pursued me!

And I find it's best that way - when the girl picks you...

I never had any luck with girls until I stopped caring. I just did my thing, (be myself)
and when I stopped worrying about whether girls noticed me or not, all of a sudden
there were plenty that wanted my number.

over the years I've learned to wait for that specific look - you can see it in their eyes,
in the way they talk to you and body language when they're even slightly interested
then...and only then do you pour on the charm...compliment them..tell them some funny jokes...it's really pretty easy when they start to show even a little interest..

but when they don't show any interest...or worse yet turn you down for a simple
bite to eat or coffee....forget 'em and move on. It's not worth it man, save yourself the
rejection.

The best thing you can do at this point - is totally forget about her and don't look bummed about it - do the opposite, crack jokes, have a good time, be yourself..
who knows this may even spark her interest into what makes you tick.

She had her shot now it's her turn and if she never comes around...your probably better off - I know - I have seen many of the girls that I thought were hot in college
that had that same attitude - shutting you down and not giving you a chance - 99%
of them turned out later in life as non-attractive, divorced, toothless wonders hooked on meth...

there are plenty of fish in the sea...let one pick you...seriously it is SO much better
than getting your ego kicked in by some stuck up, confused little girl.

You don't want her anyway.
This is great advice in most cases. However, I should have clarified, my reasons for calling her are different than what you would think.

I just wanted to tell her I feel the same way. When I said religious differences what I meant was that I'm the religious one here, she's an atheist. I just wanted to tell her I feel the same way about dating an atheist that she does dating a Christian. What I'm gonna tell her is basically that I feel exactly the same way that she does about me, but I still like her as a person and want to be friends. Nothing sexual or anything.

I think this is the problem with the internet. True feelings don't really get shared, and I think my intentions and what I'm doing is exactly right, my dad even told me so, but that no matter how I word it or explain it every one will think of it in a different way. So basically what I'm saying is, many of the suggestions you guys have given after she rejected me don't really apply in this specific case with this specific person.
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  #108  
Old 12-02-2011, 12:16 PM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

What has religion to do with anything? How is it impossible for an atheist and christian(or other religious) to date eachother? I have an atheist friend who's been together with his baptist girlfriend for 4 years now and you cant even tell the difference. The whole religion thing seems like a lame excuse to me..
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  #109  
Old 12-02-2011, 12:36 PM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

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This is great advice in most cases. However, I should have clarified, my reasons for calling her are different than what you would think.

I just wanted to tell her I feel the same way. When I said religious differences what I meant was that I'm the religious one here, she's an atheist. I just wanted to tell her I feel the same way about dating an atheist that she does dating a Christian. What I'm gonna tell her is basically that I feel exactly the same way that she does about me, but I still like her as a person and want to be friends. Nothing sexual or anything.

I think this is the problem with the internet. True feelings don't really get shared, and I think my intentions and what I'm doing is exactly right, my dad even told me so, but that no matter how I word it or explain it every one will think of it in a different way. So basically what I'm saying is, many of the suggestions you guys have given after she rejected me don't really apply in this specific case with this specific person.
With respect, why the hell did you even start this thread? I mean it sounds like you were never going to go out with her anyway. Might as well just forget about her and see if you can find anyone decent in your local church group...
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  #110  
Old 12-02-2011, 12:58 PM
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What has religion to do with anything? How is it impossible for an atheist and christian(or other religious) to date eachother? I have an atheist friend who's been together with his baptist girlfriend for 4 years now and you cant even tell the difference. The whole religion thing seems like a lame excuse to me..
Agreed. Dreadful excuse. So what? I'm an atheist. It wouldn't stop me dating a Christian if the situation ever arose; unless they're so pious they see everyone else as inferior.
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  #111  
Old 12-02-2011, 05:37 PM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

I was married to an atheist for 6 years. She was an angel, and we didn't break up because of religion, of course I'm not all that religious either. Actually she was more agnostic when I married her. Personally, I believe IQ is a better determining factor for compatibility than religion. Her IQ was somewhere between 150 and 160. I mean this girl was as sharp as a tack. We got along famously, but still, sh*t happens.
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  #112  
Old 12-02-2011, 07:14 PM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

Well, I definately got the wrong impression then - I thought you were just asking her out for coffee or lunch or something - you know, time alone to get to know someone better.

I forgot this whole "asking someone out" thing has more "dating" implications to some people.

Still, I am sorry this didn't turn out the way you'd hoped but look on the bright side,
you gathered the nerve to ask her out and that is one nice step towards having more confidence with girls so i'd mark that as a "win"

Now, go out there and find a girl that has enough decency to let you buy her lunch.
The ones that turn you down before they even know you aren't worth the time.
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  #113  
Old 12-03-2011, 03:01 AM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

OK it appears there's a lot of miscommunication going on here between me and the rest of you so let's go back a ways.

I asked her out 2 classes ago. She asked if she could get back to me. I then talked to my teacher about it since he knows her real well and said knowing her, that means no. She just has one specific type of guy that she's looking for, and it's not me. He said in her mind, the religion thing may have been the only thing stopping us, and it sounds like he was right.

Fast forward to yesterday. I get a message from facebook saying thanks but no thanks. She said I'm a cool guy and everything but our views are just different and she didn't feel comfortable with that. So I asked my teacher for her # and never got it, which is probably a good thing. So I messaged her asking her to call me, which she refused to do- saying "there's nothing else for me to say". So I replied telling her exactly what I wanted to tell her- that I think the same way about a relationship with an atheist that she does with a Christian and that I wasn't offended, yet I still like her and want to be friends.
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  #114  
Old 12-06-2011, 12:14 AM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

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Originally Posted by drummindan8484 View Post
OK it appears there's a lot of miscommunication going on here between me and the rest of you so let's go back a ways.

I asked her out 2 classes ago. She asked if she could get back to me. I then talked to my teacher about it since he knows her real well and said knowing her, that means no. She just has one specific type of guy that she's looking for, and it's not me. He said in her mind, the religion thing may have been the only thing stopping us, and it sounds like he was right.

Fast forward to yesterday. I get a message from facebook saying thanks but no thanks. She said I'm a cool guy and everything but our views are just different and she didn't feel comfortable with that. So I asked my teacher for her # and never got it, which is probably a good thing. So I messaged her asking her to call me, which she refused to do- saying "there's nothing else for me to say". So I replied telling her exactly what I wanted to tell her- that I think the same way about a relationship with an atheist that she does with a Christian and that I wasn't offended, yet I still like her and want to be friends.
Just a side thought, but there are a lot of Christians in the country. That certainly removes tons of dating prospects for her. But props for asking her out, then coming back to continue your friendship. You are stronger than many men. XD
Personally, I don't see how religion is such an obstacle in some bf/gf relationships, but you're living the situation. I'm sure from your angle it's the reasonable move to make.

@eddie: The only way you get a gf/spouse is by asking out girls. And the trick is, you get better at it the more often you do it. There's also the factor that some people fall harder than others when getting rejected, but drummindan seems to be handling things pretty smoothly. (to me, a 17 yr old lol)
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Old 12-06-2011, 12:39 AM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

I can see religion getting in the way of a relationship. I personally don't think that I could have a relationship with someone subscribed to a religion, at least not long term. It just wouldn't work. Not to confuse religion with spirituality though. I'm not an atheist either.

I'm also a vegan and probably wouldn't last with someone who wasn't at least vegetarian. It's all about being on the same wavelength, man.
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Old 12-06-2011, 12:59 AM
AlphaAccount AlphaAccount is offline
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

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Originally Posted by kettles View Post
I can see religion getting in the way of a relationship. I personally don't think that I could have a relationship with someone subscribed to a religion, at least not long term. It just wouldn't work. Not to confuse religion with spirituality though. I'm not an atheist either.

I'm also a vegan and probably wouldn't last with someone who wasn't at least vegetarian. It's all about being on the same wavelength, man.
I could definitely see it being a problem with long-term relationships, but for a college gf... eh, not as much. Especially if those two people live separately.

I'm not very religious (don't go to church), but I believe in God and like to think I'm pretty spiritual. Although I guess if I had a gf who came to my door at 6 am every Sunday and pulled me out of the warmth of my bed to attend church, that would lead to some problems.
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Old 12-06-2011, 07:55 AM
drummindan8484 drummindan8484 is offline
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

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Originally Posted by AlphaAccount View Post
Just a side thought, but there are a lot of Christians in the country. That certainly removes tons of dating prospects for her. But props for asking her out, then coming back to continue your friendship. You are stronger than many men. XD
Personally, I don't see how religion is such an obstacle in some bf/gf relationships, but you're living the situation. I'm sure from your angle it's the reasonable move to make.

@eddie: The only way you get a gf/spouse is by asking out girls. And the trick is, you get better at it the more often you do it. There's also the factor that some people fall harder than others when getting rejected, but drummindan seems to be handling things pretty smoothly. (to me, a 17 yr old lol)
Thanks man. So far so good, she replied to my message this morning saying she's glad to know we're on the same page and talking to her in class nothing was too awkward.

Do have one question though. In my reply to that message, I very casually invited her to join me and the bass player from that class in seeing Bela Fleck and the Flecktones next March. The only thing is, is it wrong for a girl to hang out with 2 dudes at once? I figured I could at least ask her since I know she likes Bela and co, likes us as friends (dude has a girlfriend, I told him he can bring her along if he wishes), it's just the moderate level of taboo that could be seen with that. Opinions please. Keep in mind this is a girl who prefers to hang out with guys if I didn't mention that already (I saw some men's website refer to her type as the "Guy's Girl"- the slightly quirky girl that gets along better with guys do to her personality and interest.)
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Old 12-06-2011, 08:11 AM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

You're overthinking this way too much dude. I know because I used to do the same. It's great that you're trying to learn, but the best way is just get out there and learn by doing.

To answer your question, yes it's fine that a girl hangs out with two guys. Forget the fact that she's a girl and just treat her as another human being.
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Old 12-06-2011, 12:24 PM
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

Just a side note. When you've been put/or put yourself in the "friend-zone" you will NEVER EVER have any chance of getting anything out of the girl. If you want to just be friends with her and haven't got any other thoughts, then it's alright to bring the other dude with you. It's not like he's going to steal her.
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Old 12-06-2011, 12:39 PM
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Pocket-full-of-gold Pocket-full-of-gold is offline
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Default Re: Having trouble asking a girl out in college

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Originally Posted by drummindan8484 View Post
(I saw some men's website refer to her type as the "Guy's Girl"- the slightly quirky girl that gets along better with guys do to her personality and interest.)
You spend too much time paying attention to internet websites and not nearly enough time living your life.

Dudes have been picking up birds without the assistance of computers for several thousand years. Given that there's 7 billion of us on this planet, I'd argue it's been a pretty effective approach.
Get out and get amongst it mate.
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