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  #41  
Old 04-05-2011, 07:44 PM
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Default Re: Some unfortunate things as a Teenager... READ!

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I got the drums back (for now) So when I get home tonight I will be setting them back up. Probably into a 4 piece to focus more on what counts instead of all the flare.
I honestly won't be too surprised if I have them back down next week, because he grows sick of it very quickly...
I'm baffled by the fact that no groundrules have been established. Like everyone else has said, this could be a huge waste of everyone's time, especially if it is totally up to your father in deciding at the spur of the moment whether you can play or not.

Obviously I don't know your detailed situation, and hope I'm wrong, but based on everything you've posted, something seems really wrong with your relationship with your father.
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Old 04-05-2011, 08:17 PM
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I'm baffled by the fact that no groundrules have been established. Like everyone else has said, this could be a huge waste of everyone's time, especially if it is totally up to your father in deciding at the spur of the moment whether you can play or not.

Obviously I don't know your detailed situation, and hope I'm wrong, but based on everything you've posted, something seems really wrong with your relationship with your father.
Well since it's set up, I'll try and discuss it with him.
There is something wrong with our relationship, but I don't really want to or need to apologize.
I don't apologize. Especially when I've done nothing.
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Old 04-05-2011, 08:35 PM
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Default Re: Some unfortunate things as a Teenager... READ!

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There is something wrong with our relationship, but I don't really want to or need to apologize.
I don't apologize. Especially when I've done nothing.
With that attitude, good luck with your future marriage!

...and second one, and third one, and fourth one, and...
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  #44  
Old 04-05-2011, 09:24 PM
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Default Re: Some unfortunate things as a Teenager... READ!

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With that attitude, good luck with your future marriage!

...and second one, and third one, and fourth one, and...
This made me laugh pretty hard. Can't count the times I've apologized for nothing.
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  #45  
Old 04-05-2011, 09:55 PM
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Well since it's set up, I'll try and discuss it with him.
There is something wrong with our relationship, but I don't really want to or need to apologize.
I don't apologize. Especially when I've done nothing.
There is a difference between apologizing and communicating. All relationships are DOA without communication, and sometimes things are so bad that you have to step up to the plate and be the big person, because it isn't always the older or more mature person that will do it.

So either you swallow your pride and discuss the situation with him, or you will end up packing the drums up again in a week or so. And then, you lose once again. If you were close to the age where you could move out, maybe my advice would be different, but you've got at least three more years to deal with this, and it could suck royally for you.

I'm not defending your father, because for all I know he could have major issues. But then again, having dealt with two teenagers, I know that they have a hard time focusing on anything where they aren't the focal point and it's all about them.

So perhaps try and get to the bottom of really what is setting him off, and see if there is any middle ground you can establish.
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Old 04-06-2011, 02:45 AM
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Default Re: Some unfortunate things as a Teenager... READ!

You could play other styles of music to make him happy. You can expand your playing AND please your dad by playing soft jazz.

I haven't really read the thread through, but did you ask your dad why exactly he does not want you to play drums? If it turns out he just hates the noise, there is always electronic kits.
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  #47  
Old 04-06-2011, 07:55 PM
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Default Re: Some unfortunate things as a Teenager... READ!

Yeah, parents are very difficult when you're between 15 and 18. After I started smoking, my mom didn't trust me going out until I told her I do. Trust and respect is a two way street. Trust me on this.
























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  #48  
Old 04-14-2011, 01:54 PM
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Default Re: Some unfortunate things as a Teenager... READ!

Well EVERYTHING is taken away now. Drums, TV, phone, computer, video camera, iPod, even my skateboard! My "bedtime" is now 8PM!
I think that he's losing it guys! He says the reason why it's all taken away, is because I got up late for school a week ago. But still got there 30 minutes early.
Whatever. I couldn't care less anymore. My home life sucks now.
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Old 04-14-2011, 02:09 PM
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Default Re: Some unfortunate things as a Teenager... READ!

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Well EVERYTHING is taken away now. Drums, TV, phone, computer, video camera, iPod, even my skateboard! My "bedtime" is now 8PM!
I think that he's losing it guys! He says the reason why it's all taken away, is because I got up late for school a week ago. But still got there 30 minutes early.
Whatever. I couldn't care less anymore. My home life sucks now.
Well that sounds really horrible but have to wonder. if everything has been taken away, including phone, computer, etc...how is it you are even posting here? I just can't help thinking there is more to this story than we are hearing.

I know being a teenager can be rough and the relationship with parents during that time is always a struggle so I can definitely sympathize with that...we've probably all been there to some extent.

If all is as you say, then I would just have to say that at this point, you may have to learn to grin and bear it. Yep, that sux but it doesn't sound as if you have much choice. The drums will be there when you are 18 and you may just have to pick it back up then.

Hope things get better for you soon.
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Old 04-14-2011, 03:04 PM
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Well that sounds really horrible but have to wonder. if everything has been taken away, including phone, computer, etc...how is it you are even posting here? I just can't help thinking there is more to this story than we are hearing.
yeah - there has to be a missing piece to this puzzle.....most sane parents don't just take away all of your possessions unless something has really gone awry
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  #51  
Old 04-14-2011, 03:10 PM
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Default Re: Some unfortunate things as a Teenager... READ!

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yeah - there has to be a missing piece to this puzzle
There's a piece or two missing alright.
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  #52  
Old 04-14-2011, 04:11 PM
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Default Re: Some unfortunate things as a Teenager... READ!

We're only hearing one side of this story. I'd sure like to hear the old man's version. Joey can't be an innocent victim in all this craziness.
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  #53  
Old 04-14-2011, 05:40 PM
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Well, I'm thinking that as well, but I've been in a position where my stepdad has done that to me for no good reason, like I come home 5 minutes late or something. I don't know, it was a long time ago. Point is, some parents are crazy. I'd still love for his dad to create an account and tell us what happened, haha.
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  #54  
Old 04-14-2011, 09:46 PM
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Default Re: Some unfortunate things as a Teenager... READ!

Me thinks this whole affair is a fairy tale. I refuse to bite.
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  #55  
Old 04-15-2011, 10:36 AM
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Default Re: Some unfortunate things as a Teenager... READ!

Maybe Joey's a 15 year old with fantasies of owning the worlds most acrylic punk kit...

Maybe his stepdad really is saying "I'm gonna make your life hell"...





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  #56  
Old 04-15-2011, 02:52 PM
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Default Re: Some unfortunate things as a Teenager... READ!

Well if his computer is gone then he won't be back for awhile...on the other hand, if his dad is as crazy as he says, he could have it back a few minutes from now.

WTF am I doing on here?
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  #57  
Old 04-15-2011, 03:44 PM
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Default Re: Some unfortunate things as a Teenager... READ!

Dude I found my self in a similar situation about a year or so ago.

Lucky for me I was able to move into my grandmother house and she has a big enough garage for both me and my band.

Joey I have talked to you before and you seem like a pretty good kid, my suggestion is talk to your dad and figure out a solution. If he doesn't listen to you see if you can get your mom or an aunt or an uncle to talk to him.

EDIT: I' m not so sure drummerworld is the best place to get advice about home life, talk to a teacher or therapist
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  #58  
Old 04-15-2011, 04:25 PM
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Default Re: Some unfortunate things as a Teenager... READ!

My advise...

Have a conversation with Pops thats goes like this...

Look, I'm NOT you, I never will be... If you don't want to love me, be suportive if me and share in my life, at 18 I'll go live on the street and you can kiss your overprotected self goodbye... is this what you want? Why did you have me... to live through me... or am I just a mistake and your too worried that I'll do the same... Don't push me away dad because regardless of what YOU think, your actions are creating a deep seeded bad taste.

Now if you say this... you better be ready to eat crap and live in the cold because smart parents who's children threaten to leave know the child returns once they see that life is way more difficult than the child thinks.

Another perhaps wiser road to travel would be to ... find a place outside, away from your house, to hide a practice pad and sticks. Follow your dads word, get the best grades you can... Go to college. Now your out of the house and you can tell pops to back off in a better way.
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  #59  
Old 04-15-2011, 05:11 PM
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Default Re: Some unfortunate things as a Teenager... READ!

When I was a teen, my father wouldn't let me practice when he was home, my older brothers had given him all the rock n roll he could take. So I practiced after school.

Point being, don't let him hear you practice. Let him see you doing homework consistently, let him see you being ahead on jobs around the house, let him see a neat room. Most parents will completely loosen up if the important stuff is taken care of. If the grades are weak, meaning not mostly As, and the garbage isn't out without being told and your room looks like someone tossed a grenade in there, then he, as a responsible parent, has to do something. That means taking away your toys.

You take care of business, and you'll get what you want now and in the future.
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  #60  
Old 04-15-2011, 06:13 PM
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Default Re: Some unfortunate things as a Teenager... READ!

More to the point, why does Joey need to practice on his kit all the time?

Get a set or two of sticks and keep them in your bag, take them everywhere with you and practice with them everywhere - on the bus, on a park bench, on on knee... Anywhere out of the house and away from your parents.
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  #61  
Old 04-15-2011, 08:14 PM
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Default Re: Some unfortunate things as a Teenager... READ!

Since I have no computer to post at home, I use the computers in the school library after my homework (which I do).
I think a big reason for all my stuff being taken away is because my dad thinks I'm on drugs. Lots of my friends are, and it's quite popular in my area of Florida. I have honestly never done anything of this sort, but am still getting my room searched every few days.
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Old 04-15-2011, 08:36 PM
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Default Re: Some unfortunate things as a Teenager... READ!

I never did in high school, but my mom thought I did...I guess you really do just need to try to sit down and have a serious talk with him about who you are and who you want to be.

Maybe he just doesn't understand you very well, and he might perceive you as a kid who is a druggie wannabe musician that doesn't want to do anything with his life, and you need to make it clear in an assertive way without being aggressive. He's your dad, so he's got to want the best for you in the long run.

I wouldn't know, I never knew my dad.
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Old 04-19-2011, 04:53 AM
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Default Re: Some unfortunate things as a Teenager... READ!

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I never did in high school, but my mom thought I did...I guess you really do just need to try to sit down and have a serious talk with him about who you are and who you want to be.

Maybe he just doesn't understand you very well, and he might perceive you as a kid who is a druggie wannabe musician that doesn't want to do anything with his life, and you need to make it clear in an assertive way without being aggressive. He's your dad, so he's got to want the best for you in the long run.

I wouldn't know, I never knew my dad.
I'll discuss this with him after dinner tomorrow night. I'll let you guys and gals know how it goes..
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Old 04-19-2011, 06:34 PM
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Murder was popular in Florida at one time too...
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Old 04-19-2011, 06:52 PM
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Me thinks this whole affair is a fairy tale. I refuse to bite.
Just another in a long line.
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  #66  
Old 04-19-2011, 07:10 PM
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Default Re: Some unfortunate things as a Teenager... READ!

Dang...I thought this thread had finally died.
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Old 04-19-2011, 07:26 PM
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Default Re: Some unfortunate things as a Teenager... READ!

Wow, things like these would never happen in Sweden. Atleast here were I live.
How could that be?
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Old 04-19-2011, 08:18 PM
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Wow, things like these would never happen in Sweden. Atleast here were I live.
How could that be?
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  #69  
Old 04-20-2011, 05:25 PM
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Dang...I thought this thread had finally died.
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Old 04-20-2011, 06:24 PM
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Default Re: Some unfortunate things as a Teenager... READ!

This whole thread reminds me of my stepdad. Luckily, I didn't have a drum kit back in those days (I'm 37 now) but he seemed to love to take things away from me just to exercise his authority.

He would routinely take away my car (that I paid for) for weeks at a time for ridiculous reasons such as he thought I was sighing at him. He once accused me of putting a nearly empty bottle of steak sauce back into the refrigerator (I still don't know who did that) and got grounded for a month.

Also, my curfew throughout high school was 9:00; even on weekends.

There are many, many other issues that I won't discuss here. Suffice it to say, I'm glad he is no longer with us.

So hang in there, man. This will all be over before you know it.
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Old 04-20-2011, 07:30 PM
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This whole thread reminds me of my stepdad. Luckily, I didn't have a drum kit back in those days (I'm 37 now) but he seemed to love to take things away from me just to exercise his authority.

He would routinely take away my car (that I paid for) for weeks at a time for ridiculous reasons such as he thought I was sighing at him. He once accused me of putting a nearly empty bottle of steak sauce back into the refrigerator (I still don't know who did that) and got grounded for a month.

Also, my curfew throughout high school was 9:00; even on weekends.

There are many, many other issues that I won't discuss here. Suffice it to say, I'm glad he is no longer with us.

So hang in there, man. This will all be over before you know it.
Your mom allowed the stepdad to mete out punishment like that??
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Old 04-21-2011, 10:44 AM
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Your mom allowed the stepdad to mete out punishment like that??
One thing that makes me very angry is divorced parents who chose their new partner over their own kids...
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Old 04-21-2011, 02:37 PM
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One thing that makes me very angry is divorced parents who chose their new partner over their own kids...
Yeah, I'm thinking it happens more often than I'd like to have thought when it was happening. Sad, but I feel like it'll make me a better parent.
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Old 04-21-2011, 03:31 PM
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Default Re: Some unfortunate things as a Teenager... READ!

That this young man may be being treated poorly is possible. I ran away at 8 for a bloody good reason. I was worried about my survival. Parents and certainly step parents can be monsters.

As far as I can see there are two obvious choices. 1, visit the authorities. But this entails its own problems. 2, run away.

I ran to the bush. But I had already learned how to hunt and fish. I was lucky. I also had a pristine country to escape within. And a slack government that never cared to chase me. This was 1972 Australia after all.

Were I to run away today I would call cattle stations and search out jackaroo positions where a live in position was offered. There must be something like this in the US.
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Old 04-21-2011, 03:37 PM
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Default Re: Some unfortunate things as a Teenager... READ!

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That this young man may be being treated poorly is possible. I ran away at 8 for a bloody good reason. I was worried about my survival. Parents and certainly step parents can be monsters.

As far as I can see there are two obvious choices. 1, visit the authorities. But this entails its own problems. 2, run away.

I ran to the bush. But I had already learned how to hunt and fish. I was lucky. I also had a pristine country to escape within. And a slack government that never cared to chase me. This was 1972 Australia after all.

Were I to run away today I would call cattle stations and search out jackaroo positions where a live in position was offered. There must be something like this in the US.
I'm sorry for what you had to go thru but I can't see telling any kid to run away as a good idea. If there really is a problem, he needs to reach out to someone...police, social services, guidance counselor or teacher at school, friends parents, someone. I worked as a School Resource Officer in the schools for 4 years and I know every kid who came to me with a problem was taken seriously. There was more than once I called social services to do a check and make sure the child was safe so I know there are people out there willing to help.

Running away, as you most certainly know, can cause horrible problems within itself. I surely hope he finds any help he needs and someone who can guide him in the right direction.
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Old 04-21-2011, 03:50 PM
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That this young man may be being treated poorly is possible. I ran away at 8 for a bloody good reason. I was worried about my survival. Parents and certainly step parents can be monsters.

As far as I can see there are two obvious choices. 1, visit the authorities. But this entails its own problems. 2, run away.

I ran to the bush. But I had already learned how to hunt and fish. I was lucky. I also had a pristine country to escape within. And a slack government that never cared to chase me. This was 1972 Australia after all.

Were I to run away today I would call cattle stations and search out jackaroo positions where a live in position was offered. There must be something like this in the US.
In the case of over-protective parents that would be extreme, in the case of purely malicious parents, well, that is a different story.

Family should care for you, they don't, there was a baby found still alive half buried in a flower bed with its head in a plastic bag and umbilical cord still attached recently. Graphic I know, for that I'm sorry, but not all parents are saints.

In this particular case, I'd like to hear an angle other then Joey's before offering real advice, I don't doubt that he has serious issues, but kids exaggerate and kids tell their version of events which is often quite different from actual events, even if there is some truth to it.
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Old 04-21-2011, 04:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Frost View Post
In this particular case, I'd like to hear an angle other then Joey's before offering real advice, I don't doubt that he has serious issues, but kids exaggerate and kids tell their version of events which is often quite different from actual events, even if there is some truth to it.
I'm experiencing this now in regards to my daughter's boyfriend's family. There is no doubt that this family is totally disfunctional, with medical problems, addiction, unemployment, kids out of wedlock, etc. So I hear outrageous stories about the authorities coming to take away small children, eviction from housing due to not paying rent (money spent on drugs instead), brothers threatening to beat up family members, power turned off for not paying the bills, etc. I have come to the point where I realize there is some truth to the stories, but I always take them with a grain of salt, because the stories morph over time, and I don't know who or what to believe most of the time.
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Old 04-21-2011, 04:16 PM
wy yung wy yung is offline
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Default Re: Some unfortunate things as a Teenager... READ!

Yes it is hard to know. Internet forums are a very limited medium.

Children can exagerate, but it is not always so. I distinctly recall my mother's hands around my throat as she tried to strangle me. I also recall living with a broken arm, aged 5, for 6 weeks before anyone bothered to take me to a doctor.

My 2 sisters were abused for years.

My brother suffered terribly.

Often escape is a valid option.
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Old 04-21-2011, 04:23 PM
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Frost Frost is offline
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Default Re: Some unfortunate things as a Teenager... READ!

Quote:
Originally Posted by wy yung View Post
Yes it is hard to know. Internet forums are a very limited medium.

Children can exagerate, but it is not always so. I distinctly recall my mother's hands around my throat as she tried to strangle me. I also recall living with a broken arm, aged 5, for 6 weeks before anyone bothered to take me to a doctor.

My 2 sisters were abused for years.

My brother suffered terribly.

Often escape is a valid option.
While you have my sympathies and your story is touching through it's personal manner, it is probably not the most relevant example to this case. Not to undermine the pain you went through or the reality of terrible parenting, even less extreme cases can leave severe mental scars, it is worth remembering that adolescent minds are highly impressionable. You wouldn't want to insinuate a comparison between what you went through and having a paranoid father freaking out due to the media.
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Old 04-21-2011, 04:34 PM
wy yung wy yung is offline
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Default Re: Some unfortunate things as a Teenager... READ!

Frost I agree totally. I post the extreme so the OP can see that some situations are, shall we say, over the top. As mine were. And there is much more. But also some funny times. Especially while working as a fisherman in Victoria. But that's another story. :)
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