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  #41  
Old 12-21-2010, 05:06 PM
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Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

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I will be talking to the guitarist privately, I haven't done that yet, to see what his thoughts are. He has no problem taking a stand, to his credit.
Not good Larry, at least, not in my book. Sure, canvass opinion, but if something's to be said, do so directly. The perception of "Chinese whispers" within the band is not a good starting point.
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  #42  
Old 12-21-2010, 05:16 PM
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Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Andy, it would be better coming from the guitarist who has known both the wife and the singer for 30 years. I just met them 4 months ago. I just got done speaking w/ the guitarist and we are in agreement. (I called him between this post and my last post) He actually said he would talk to the wife about it, and assured me this won't happen again. I don't see how he can neutralize a womans jealousy reaction, this is bound to happen again, but he told me he would handle it.
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  #43  
Old 12-21-2010, 06:15 PM
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Ahem. If your partner was a singer and some hot young stud started pawing at her on stage and kissed her on the lips (with no protest from your partner), would that make you feel a little weird?

Not that this justifies violent, redneck behaviour. Just saying ...
This probably will never happen......Like Terry Bozzio, I have learned to never get attached to neither an actress nor a singer. Female singers need attention - actually crave it - which is why they became singers in the first place. As far as this actually happening, when there are f three or four guys on stage with that singer, situation will probably never happen. This reminds me of a bar fight in South Dakota where one guy grabbed a member of the band and then his four bandmates jumped offstage to give " a helping hand" to the stranger. Most of the venues that I play are pretty controlled against this sort of thing anyway - off the floor staging, security (sometimes Outlaws or Hells Angels).


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  #44  
Old 12-21-2010, 06:17 PM
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I'm no expert on the subject, but I feel as though a woman feeling insecure has more to do with how guys make her feel than any competitive nature they may have.
Partly, but it also has to do with the fact the women compete against each other for men and a man's attention.

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  #45  
Old 12-21-2010, 07:11 PM
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Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

This is a fun thread!!! I disagree in part with skitch where some female singers sing for attention and thats why they do it.... some are just blessed with a God-given voice and want to share it.
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  #46  
Old 12-21-2010, 08:27 PM
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Few years back at a New Years gig at a winery (private function for bunch of rich friends of the winery owner) the leader invited women who wanted to to come onstage and dance. It was a pretty high energy night as many New Years gigs are and everybody was having fun. Some woman got up behind the male percussionist/back up singer and started the 'ol grindy hips thing (she wasn't really pressing into him, just dancing close). The guy kind of froze with this uncomfortable look on his face and didn't know what to do. The band wives were dancing in a group and my wife and the bass players wife had to physically restrain the singers wife who was ready to storm the stage and "kill that bitch" and other less polite expletives. The dancing woman backed off when the singer didn't play along and went back to her other friends on stage. No biggie. But the poor singer left the group a few months later. I don't think he's ever gotten back on a stage since.

The original keyboard player in that band's wife would come to some gigs and watch him like a hawk. While the other wives would get up and dance together, she would just sit there. Funniest thing was, there was no chance of anything to worry about. The guy was such a nerd that he was completely tongue tied if a woman said boo to him. I tried to explain to him about the value of PR. Have a friendly conversation, get their names, dedicate a song to "our new friends xxxxx...." and so on. So this bunch of slightly lit women approach the stage during a break at another high end private function and he stammers and trips all over promising to dedicate a song to them. I wish I could have videoed the whole thing to show his wife.

If folks are going to "take advantage" of situations and cheat on their spouses, there are much easier ways to go about it, with much less public fanfare. Either you trust your spouse or you don't. The old adage of not doing anything you wouldn't do if your spouse was there really counts in this day of everyone having a camera in their pocket that they can post to youtube on the spot. You might not even be the subject but pretty much everything you do these days is likely to end up in the public domain.

As for the particulars of Larry's situation. I think the singer needs to have a reasonably professional boundary. A brush, hug or dance is one thing. A kiss on the cheek from someone at the center of some party, is one thing. But in my view, he should have stopped the woman from kissing him on the mouth, wife present or not. Every entertainer needs to be prepared for hecklers, drunks and all that stuff that will happen at a show. Deflect and defuse, make a joke out of it, keep it light, make it part of the show. But keep it professional and somewhat above a drunken frat party. JMHO.
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  #47  
Old 12-21-2010, 09:05 PM
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Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Tough call. I'd be quiet. Saying anything would be like a police officer showing up at a domestic disturbance. Nobody wins.

Last edited by DogBreath; 03-10-2011 at 05:29 AM. Reason: deleted quoted text
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  #48  
Old 12-22-2010, 01:21 AM
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Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Skitch, I still think you're not being objective. Women are no more competitive or possessive than men are. It's just that the nature of our competition and possession is a bit different. Personally, I'm not at all interested in competition or possession. It's up to the man to make up his mind what he wants and if he's seduced by superficial attractions, then karma will follow ... not my problem.

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JMHO
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  #49  
Old 12-22-2010, 01:54 AM
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Skitch, I still think you're not being objective. Women are no more competitive or possessive than men are. It's just that the nature of our competition and possession is a bit different. Personally, I'm not at all interested in competition or possession. It's up to the man to make up his mind what he wants and if he's seduced by superficial attractions, then karma will follow ... not my problem.

And a very good opinion too!
Yea, competiveness isn't a gender thing, it's just the way certain folks roll. The nature of the competiton and possesion is a bit different you say. I would agree. But that conversation, lively as it would be, in the end, would just polarize things. And so it goes. The sexes must always have their own righteous territory and we will never agree on certain things!
What if everybody agreed on everything?? It would be a sience fiction movie!!
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  #50  
Old 12-22-2010, 03:06 AM
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Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

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Jim, if the singer was in the middle of a vocal and a dancing girl took it upon herself to saunter over and cheek kiss him, how can that be his fault? And how could this have been avoided? His eyes were closed and she took him by surprise.
Larry as usual I see things in more black and white then you. My wife and I know the simple rules. Avoiding some drunk chick is way better buisness then a screaming frothing wife IMO. Oh, and I wouldnt stick my nose in other then to bust his stones about it. I wouldnt let that go for a long time. It's too good.

EDIT: In no way am I saying my outlook is superior. It's just me. Simple rules get broken too. But ya don't $hit where you eat and anywhere wifey is, is where you eat.
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  #51  
Old 12-22-2010, 02:20 PM
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Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

I'm sorry but the wife had every right to throw a fit. Once we marry them they get the right to tell us what other women can and can't kiss us. I'd be upset as the singer if my wife was angry. He should have yelled to security staff to get the drunk chick away from him as soon as she kissed him on the cheek. This was the singers fault for not reacting appropriately in the first place by not asking for security to put some space between this drunken woman and the band.
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  #52  
Old 12-22-2010, 02:24 PM
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Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

My ex hated everything I was passionate about, now whenever I want to sound super loud and angry I picture her face on the drum heads. I get compliments for my intensity and emotional playing.
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  #53  
Old 12-22-2010, 02:38 PM
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Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Thumbs up to the wife.
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  #54  
Old 12-22-2010, 03:42 PM
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I'm sorry but the wife had every right to throw a fit. Once we marry them they get the right to tell us what other women can and can't kiss us. I'd be upset as the singer if my wife was angry. He should have yelled to security staff to get the drunk chick away from him as soon as she kissed him on the cheek. This was the singers fault for not reacting appropriately in the first place by not asking for security to put some space between this drunken woman and the band.
Stopping the song and calling security would probably turn the audience (and venue) against the band for spoiling the party atmosphere. I think Aeolian nailed it - preventing the lip kiss without creating bad vibes:

Quote:
Deflect and defuse, make a joke out of it, keep it light, make it part of the show. But keep it professional and somewhat above a drunken frat party.
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  #55  
Old 12-22-2010, 04:50 PM
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Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Polly,

I didn't mean stop the song. He sould have backed up, finished the song and called to have the lady removed to a different location. Even stopping and restarting isn't that big a deal. I do believe we're talking about a bar band situation. The whole" the audience won't like it" and "the bar owner may not hire us again" is bull. Bar owners only car about one thing, the money. If you help them make it they're your best friends if you don't you're out the door. Bar owners expect some amount of difficulty that's why they have people to handle it.
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  #56  
Old 12-22-2010, 05:00 PM
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Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

I will say though that if the crowd are able to get close enough to kiss your friend during a song that your security must be a lot different to the security I've experienced
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  #57  
Old 12-22-2010, 08:40 PM
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Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

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I will say though that if the crowd are able to get close enough to kiss your friend during a song that your security must be a lot different to the security I've experienced
Security? No such thing. The 50 year old woman tending bar was the security. We are our own security. I'd be happy w/ a roadie! We play right where everyone is dancing, literally within touching distance of all the equipment and personel at that particular bar. It's tight there. We are in the thick of things.
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  #58  
Old 12-22-2010, 10:00 PM
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Larryace....I agree 100% with your frustration.... its really unfortunate the band will ultimately suffer. I have experienced a huge amount of DRAMA from the females that attend our shows, and shows of the past. It has even caused me to leave good money making gigs on the table, because the band's entourage has too much drama.
My humble opinion is to flat out tell the singer his wife is 'banned' from attending shows.
He may be super pissed, and threaten to leave the band, but guess what........its either that or it will be the demise of the group and probably dissolve it long term. Two bands in baltimore (that were on the bar circuit) I know personally have had the exact same thing happen, and they are no longer together.
Here just my observation, maybe it will help.
1. Drunk women, especially drunk, jealous women are impossible to reason with. If they complain to the bar owners, bouncers, head bartenders, about any other patron, because of their own insecurities.........they just won't book your band anymore. You will get labeled as the band "will all the drama"
2. If anyone's band wife/gf interfers with the safe, harmless good time of other paying bar patrons.....the band doesn't get another chance. Blacklisted for good.
3. If your frontman can't interact well with the crowd, the bartenders will get mad and catch shit from the paying drinkers.If your singer has to be "on their best behavior" because their significant other is in the room, it will come across as phony. Not to mention, bar patrons will say the band is arrogant and playing the rock star role. Lose/Lose situation for the band, again.
4. Let say you have jealous wives/gfs at the show. People absolutely pick up on their negative vibe. Even if they love your music, they will learn not to attend the shows because of the drama. Then the gig (and the money) go to another act.
5. I have learned personally, there is nothing more damaging to a band, its reputation, its paycheck, then women would are insecure troublemakers. Tell them to get over it...drunk women will be aggressive, playful and flirty. Band members have to be slightly flirty and friendly to everyone.....thats just the bar business....too bad not all the women attached to the band "get it" or understand the music business.
So, thanks for letting me vent. I could go on and over this one topic because its struck a nerve. I just want to contribute my 2 cents, because Ive experienced exactly the same thing. In fact, one ex singer/frontman i had the pleasure of working with actually got into a huge fistfight because of his wife. bad scene. Hope your plays out well and something positive comes of it.
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  #59  
Old 12-22-2010, 10:29 PM
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Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

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Security? No such thing. The 50 year old woman tending bar was the security. We are our own security. I'd be happy w/ a roadie! We play right where everyone is dancing, literally within touching distance of all the equipment and personel at that particular bar. It's tight there. We are in the thick of things.
This is where monitor wedges are your friends. Those gigs in small resturants/bars where you are essentially on the floor, I always try to establish some sort of defensive perimeter around the band. Floor wedges, guitarists pedal boards, cables (taped down with gaff tape) mic stands, whatever. The psychological effect of the "barrier" keeps some folks away and gives you time to react when others "cross the line". "Hey everyone, lets hear it for the birthday girl!" as you spin her around to the audience. "Oh, it's not your birthday, I though you just turned 21!" as you push her back into the crowd and pick up where you were.

Even in fairly small places I've played where there is the most infinitesimal of stages, the club has a rule that only band members are allowed "on the stage". The bouncer/bartender/door person will tell the drunk that it's because of insurance reasons. What they really don't want is some drunk shouting into the mics or having the band come after them for broken equipment.

The worst part about such places is that they always seem to assume that a drumset is diamond shaped in footprint and shove you into a corner. In reality a drumset has a basically rectangular footprint with a hi hat on one side and floor tom on the other. So you're always banging your elbows into the walls behind you. Then some bright light decides to carpet that corner to "help the sound" and your snare sounds like a 60's Montgomery Wards catalog toy as you beat it to death trying to hear it. Okay, small bar rant off. Most of us have to play in such places.
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  #60  
Old 12-22-2010, 11:39 PM
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Have the hot chick removed? Really?

I'd pay for her drinks the rest of the night and tell her next time bring your hot friends.
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  #61  
Old 12-23-2010, 12:20 AM
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Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

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This is where monitor wedges are your friends. Those gigs in small resturants/bars where you are essentially on the floor, I always try to establish some sort of defensive perimeter around the band. Floor wedges, guitarists pedal boards, cables (taped down with gaff tape) mic stands, whatever. The psychological effect of the "barrier" keeps some folks away and gives you time to react when others "cross the line". "Hey everyone, lets hear it for the birthday girl!" as you spin her around to the audience. "Oh, it's not your birthday, I though you just turned 21!" as you push her back into the crowd and pick up where you were.
Aeolian, great corny ideas for defusing problem patron issues and use of barriers. If a Pocket Aeolian TroubleshooterŪ was on the market, I'd buy one :) - even more useful than gaffer tape!

That diamond-shaped footprint comment nails it. Yeah, we're at the point of the diamond [sic] ... the only thing I detest more than having my elbows bang into the wall are crevices that make it impossible to keep the throne stable.

DJ Magic, I'm obliged to qualify that drunk and jealous human beings per se are a massive problem (not gender specific). But I agree, if bar owners equate your band with trouble, it's a huge black mark.

Big D, agree that all most of them care about is money but bad vibes turn people off, defuses the party vibe (the drinking vibe) and if a fight breaks out it also risks the safety of patrons and property. There was a great venue near my Dad's place that stopped having bands because of fights - not major fights either, just some drunk idiots.

jon e rotten ... good to see you again! Larry, here's the answer to your problem ... bring jon e to your gigs as a chick bouncer. His job is to closely watch drunk, attractive women who get close to the stage, and if they look as though they are going to get frisky with the singer he has to leap in and seduces them with his Howard Wolowitz-like charms :)
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  #62  
Old 12-23-2010, 12:31 AM
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Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

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Originally Posted by Dj magic d View Post
Larryace....I agree 100% with your frustration.... its really unfortunate the band will ultimately suffer. I have experienced a huge amount of DRAMA from the females that attend our shows, and shows of the past. It has even caused me to leave good money making gigs on the table, because the band's entourage has too much drama.
My humble opinion is to flat out tell the singer his wife is 'banned' from attending shows.
He may be super pissed, and threaten to leave the band, but guess what........its either that or it will be the demise of the group and probably dissolve it long term. Two bands in baltimore (that were on the bar circuit) I know personally have had the exact same thing happen, and they are no longer together.
Here just my observation, maybe it will help.
1. Drunk women, especially drunk, jealous women are impossible to reason with. If they complain to the bar owners, bouncers, head bartenders, about any other patron, because of their own insecurities.........they just won't book your band anymore. You will get labeled as the band "will all the drama"
2. If anyone's band wife/gf interfers with the safe, harmless good time of other paying bar patrons.....the band doesn't get another chance. Blacklisted for good.
3. If your frontman can't interact well with the crowd, the bartenders will get mad and catch shit from the paying drinkers.If your singer has to be "on their best behavior" because their significant other is in the room, it will come across as phony. Not to mention, bar patrons will say the band is arrogant and playing the rock star role. Lose/Lose situation for the band, again.
4. Let say you have jealous wives/gfs at the show. People absolutely pick up on their negative vibe. Even if they love your music, they will learn not to attend the shows because of the drama. Then the gig (and the money) go to another act.
5. I have learned personally, there is nothing more damaging to a band, its reputation, its paycheck, then women would are insecure troublemakers. Tell them to get over it...drunk women will be aggressive, playful and flirty. Band members have to be slightly flirty and friendly to everyone.....thats just the bar business....too bad not all the women attached to the band "get it" or understand the music business.
So, thanks for letting me vent. I could go on and over this one topic because its struck a nerve. I just want to contribute my 2 cents, because Ive experienced exactly the same thing. In fact, one ex singer/frontman i had the pleasure of working with actually got into a huge fistfight because of his wife. bad scene. Hope your plays out well and something positive comes of it.
I would like to forward this to the singer and his wife anonomously (after removing references to me). This is a great post, thanks so much for taking the time to share. I'm kinda new to the gender drama thing.

Aeolian, this place is so tight there's no room for wedges, our mains are our monitors there. I think being in such close proximity to the patrons allowed this to happen. Not all places we play are like this. And it's not like the singer is this hunky fella, he looks like AC/DC's singer a little with the hat and everything.
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  #63  
Old 12-23-2010, 12:33 AM
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Have the hot chick removed? Really?

I'd pay for her drinks the rest of the night and tell her next time bring your hot friends.
LOL!!

Where've you been mate? I've missed your unique spin on things.
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  #64  
Old 12-23-2010, 04:51 AM
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Originally Posted by larryace View Post
Security? No such thing. The 50 year old woman tending bar was the security. We are our own security. I'd be happy w/ a roadie! We play right where everyone is dancing, literally within touching distance of all the equipment and personel at that particular bar. It's tight there. We are in the thick of things.
That is unheard of here in Australia, I'm pretty sure we actually have laws about live music and alcohol that state that state that if the two are together, security needs to be present.
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  #65  
Old 12-23-2010, 04:58 AM
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Originally Posted by Dj magic d View Post
Larryace....I agree 100% with your frustration.... its really unfortunate the band will ultimately suffer. I have experienced a huge amount of DRAMA from the females that attend our shows, and shows of the past. It has even caused me to leave good money making gigs on the table, because the band's entourage has too much drama.
My humble opinion is to flat out tell the singer his wife is 'banned' from attending shows.
He may be super pissed, and threaten to leave the band, but guess what........its either that or it will be the demise of the group and probably dissolve it long term. Two bands in baltimore (that were on the bar circuit) I know personally have had the exact same thing happen, and they are no longer together.
Here just my observation, maybe it will help.
1. Drunk women, especially drunk, jealous women are impossible to reason with. If they complain to the bar owners, bouncers, head bartenders, about any other patron, because of their own insecurities.........they just won't book your band anymore. You will get labeled as the band "will all the drama"
2. If anyone's band wife/gf interfers with the safe, harmless good time of other paying bar patrons.....the band doesn't get another chance. Blacklisted for good.
3. If your frontman can't interact well with the crowd, the bartenders will get mad and catch shit from the paying drinkers.If your singer has to be "on their best behavior" because their significant other is in the room, it will come across as phony. Not to mention, bar patrons will say the band is arrogant and playing the rock star role. Lose/Lose situation for the band, again.
4. Let say you have jealous wives/gfs at the show. People absolutely pick up on their negative vibe. Even if they love your music, they will learn not to attend the shows because of the drama. Then the gig (and the money) go to another act.
5. I have learned personally, there is nothing more damaging to a band, its reputation, its paycheck, then women would are insecure troublemakers. Tell them to get over it...drunk women will be aggressive, playful and flirty. Band members have to be slightly flirty and friendly to everyone.....thats just the bar business....too bad not all the women attached to the band "get it" or understand the music business.
So, thanks for letting me vent. I could go on and over this one topic because its struck a nerve. I just want to contribute my 2 cents, because Ive experienced exactly the same thing. In fact, one ex singer/frontman i had the pleasure of working with actually got into a huge fistfight because of his wife. bad scene. Hope your plays out well and something positive comes of it.
100% spot on.

It's what I tried to say, but you did a much, much better job at it.
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  #66  
Old 12-23-2010, 06:46 AM
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Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

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Originally Posted by Frost View Post
That is unheard of here in Australia, I'm pretty sure we actually have laws about live music and alcohol that state that state that if the two are together, security needs to be present.
Unfortunately not Frost.......I've played too many gigs in smaller venues (rigged up on the floor right next to the punters etc....just like Larry's gig) to know that security is not necessarily a requirement.

At times it's a godsend, for sure (saw an all in brawl break out after a stabbing once, and I was thankful for security then, no doubts)....other times I've seen overpaid, steroid induced, meatheads act like nothing more than a hinderance (a couple of times I've been locked out of my own gig and forced to 'line up' with the rest of the punters, in order to get back in......or have seen punters beaten senseless for nothing more than falling over drunk!!).

I have a love/hate relationship with security as a result......best treated on a case by case basis, IMHO.....but by no means a legal requirement in an Aussie venue :-)

Last edited by Pocket-full-of-gold; 12-23-2010 at 07:08 AM.
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Old 12-23-2010, 01:12 PM
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Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

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That is unheard of here in Australia, I'm pretty sure we actually have laws about live music and alcohol that state that state that if the two are together, security needs to be present.
Heh, because music is that thing that just pushes people over the edge! We need tougher regulations on music! Ban music advertising! You know the problem in our society? Too much music abuse!
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Old 12-23-2010, 06:08 PM
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Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

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Originally Posted by Pocket-full-of-gold View Post
Unfortunately not Frost.......I've played too many gigs in smaller venues (rigged up on the floor right next to the punters etc....just like Larry's gig) to know that security is not necessarily a requirement.

At times it's a godsend, for sure (saw an all in brawl break out after a stabbing once, and I was thankful for security then, no doubts)....other times I've seen overpaid, steroid induced, meatheads act like nothing more than a hinderance (a couple of times I've been locked out of my own gig and forced to 'line up' with the rest of the punters, in order to get back in......or have seen punters beaten senseless for nothing more than falling over drunk!!).

I have a love/hate relationship with security as a result......best treated on a case by case basis, IMHO.....but by no means a legal requirement in an Aussie venue :-)
I've experienced country gigs like that, never one in the Melbourne CBD.
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Old 03-09-2011, 11:43 PM
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Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

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I aggree with braincramp on this one. Hitting on someone is one thing, and usually doesn't have major consequences. But you cross the line when you trade fluids with someone else. If I were to go to a bar and "hit on" a strange woman by kissing her, that would be sexual assault.

Me pesonally, I wouldn't care about fan base. My committment would be to my wife, whom I stood before God and family and professed 'til death do us part'.

I don't think its too much to ask for this fella's wife to watch the band without her husband being groped.

Sounds like the lead singer knows it drives his wife nuts and likes the attention he gets. A sign of insecurity. I'm not sure there's much you can do about this one.
This is a tough situation, but I'm tempted to side with playItLikeThis on this one. Then again I haven't kissed another woman in the 24 years of our marriage, and I wouldn't like it one bit if some guy planted a big wet one on my wife.

Fortunately, like others have said, my band is not going to be attracting hot chicks on a regular basis, since we are all in our late 40's/early 50's and not exactly "hot" ourselves.
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Old 03-10-2011, 02:36 AM
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Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

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Yep, innocent enough, but with the wife going redneck, that only invites more trouble. What bar crowd doesn't love a cat fight? Of course, the singer could have done the old "why thank you, but i'm happily married" routine after the cheek kiss. Since you said this happend a couple of times before tells me that he likes seeing the wife get riled up (just my opinion).

That's between him and his wife. Stay out of it.
I think that's a good analysis and good advice.

Every band has baggage: some of the members are ugly, chonrically late, boozers, distractible, you name it. In this case, part of your baggage is a psycho band wife. There is nothing anyone in the band can do about it, including the singer. I have some friends who cannot have a female in the band because the wives would freak.

This is going to sound mean, but the truth is: You need to find a new lead singer. As long as the wife does this - and you can bet she won't miss a gig from now on - you will play with a singer under great stress and the real possibility that a bomb could explode anytime at a gig. You just can't have that.

That, and offering condolences, are about the only things you can do. That will also leave this singer fellow to work out the issue with his wife, without the complication of him actually being in a band.

The wife has said, in so many words: "I feel really, really negative about my husband being in this band and I don't want him in this band. I will make things very, very difficult for you all if he stays in this band."
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Last edited by Deathmetalconga; 03-10-2011 at 03:06 AM.
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Old 03-10-2011, 11:59 AM
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Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

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this smoking hot woman comes in with a gay man, I think they had just come from a holiday party and could tell that they were having a great time, dancing and being very animated and boisterious, in a good way.
The woman was possibly drunk, had a good time and just wanted to be an fan having a good time.

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As you might have guessed, the singers wife got in the womans face and said who she was and to back the hell off. Well, the woman responded by grabbing our singers face and planting a "challenge" kiss right on the mouth. This was during a song.
The woman had been challeneged by the wife and was feeling pissed off.
Because it happened during a song, the singer should have backed off when she approached the stage and told her "no" (either by voice or by hand gensture).
the wife should not have gotten involved.
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Old 03-10-2011, 06:31 PM
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Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

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but there's no way I'm opening my mouth on this one.
I think you just did. You don't suppose someone who reads this site knows your singer's wife, do you?
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Old 03-10-2011, 06:38 PM
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Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

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Originally Posted by Gunnarsen View Post
thank god female fans usually don't go to the drummer. my girlfriend would kill the female fan AND me... :D
WHAT????!!! ARE YOU TELLING ME DRUMMERS DON'T GET GROUPIES???? I'm switching instruments.........;op
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Old 03-10-2011, 10:14 PM
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Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

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Not good Larry, at least, not in my book. Sure, canvass opinion, but if something's to be said, do so directly. The perception of "Chinese whispers" within the band is not a good starting point.
The only thing any of the band can do about this is to kick the singer out - I know that sounds harsh, and it is, but there is really no other alternative (OK, the whole band could break up). The other members of the band need to decide amongst themselves if this is what they want to do, then immediately break it to the singer. Sometimes people need to discuss things privately.

The singer's wife is psycho and will create unbearable stress for the singer and, in turn, the rest of the band. This poor fellow has a big dark cloud that follows him to gigs and flies into a gig-destroying rage. You just can't deal with that baggage.
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Old 03-10-2011, 10:14 PM
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Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

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WHAT????!!! ARE YOU TELLING ME DRUMMERS DON'T GET GROUPIES???? I'm switching instruments.........;op
We're usually in the back of the stage, so it's more work for the chicks to get to us. :)
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Old 03-10-2011, 11:37 PM
Jim Mattingly Jim Mattingly is offline
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Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

I actually quit a band once because of the bass players wife. She thought she was a percussionist/backup singer. She would literally (no lie) come up on stage with whatever her percussion instrument of choice was at that time, and stand by my kit trying, and I mean trying to play along with the song. You know it would not have been so bad if she wasn't so tone deaf and if she had even an inkling of rhythm. She would almost always throw me off me a little and I would have to concentrate hard not to listen to her. And it would not have even been that bad if she was a smokin babe, the fact that she looked like a horse was very detrimental to the band. I let it go on for a couple of months in hopes that in talking to her husband about it and the two guitarists and myself just could not handle it any longer. This by the way happened at practices also, and she would critique every instrument being played, except of course her husbands. She has calmed down a bit but the last time I saw his band play she was right back up there, my wife and I were busting out laughing..
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Old 03-10-2011, 11:58 PM
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Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

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I actually quit a band once because of the bass players wife. She thought she was a percussionist/backup singer. She would literally (no lie) come up on stage with whatever her percussion instrument of choice was at that time, and stand by my kit trying, and I mean trying to play along with the song. You know it would not have been so bad if she wasn't so tone deaf and if she had even an inkling of rhythm. She would almost always throw me off me a little and I would have to concentrate hard not to listen to her. And it would not have even been that bad if she was a smokin babe, the fact that she looked like a horse was very detrimental to the band. I let it go on for a couple of months in hopes that in talking to her husband about it and the two guitarists and myself just could not handle it any longer. This by the way happened at practices also, and she would critique every instrument being played, except of course her husbands. She has calmed down a bit but the last time I saw his band play she was right back up there, my wife and I were busting out laughing..
That is totally unacceptable. The bass player should have known better. Either that or his wife just runs over him all the time and he is too afraid to say no. We had a girfriend of the guitarplayer who tried singing with us, but she was so off-key at one gig that she was not invited back. It created some strain, but it had to be done.
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Old 03-11-2011, 12:10 AM
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Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Man, this makes me thankful for my wife and how she reacts lol.

The most my girl will do is come up and hang off my arm if im chatting to female fans and they seem to want to get closer. Heck, when i was with her in high school and my band played gigs, we used to get girls up dancing on the stage, if it was house party theyd come feed us shots and stuff and she was 100% cool with it. Mind you, she knows where ill lay my head down at night too.
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