DRUMMERWORLD OFFICIAL DISCUSSION FORUM   

Go Back   DRUMMERWORLD OFFICIAL DISCUSSION FORUM > Off Topic Lounge

Off Topic Lounge All Discussions Not Related To Drumming

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 12-20-2010, 04:48 PM
larryace's Avatar
larryace larryace is online now
"Uncle Larry"
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: In beautiful Bucks County, PA
Posts: 13,395
Default Band wives and female patrons

I'm in a rock band, 3 piece plus a singer, and for most of our gigs, we have 3 of the wives at the gig. The wife of the lead singer...I like her a lot, however, she is making for some real problems. What I am about to write, this is the 3rd time this has happened in about 4 months, and was the worst of the 3 so far.

We're doing our set at a little bar near me, and this smoking hot woman comes in with a gay man, I think they had just come from a holiday party and could tell that they were having a great time, dancing and being very animated and boisterious, in a good way. So at one point, the woman, in her revelry, grabbed the lead singers face and planted a big fat kiss, right on his cheek. She was just feeling the vibe, I thought it looked harmless.

As you might have guessed, the singers wife got in the womans face and said who she was and to back the hell off. Well, the woman responded by grabbing our singers face and planting a "challenge" kiss right on the mouth. This was during a song. Well the wife blew a gasket, visibly distressed, talking trash, no violence, but threats of violence were made...it didn't end there, it went back and forth, but the end result was no violence and the woman was asked to leave by the staff. If there was ever a situation where the wife was going to actually do what she was threatening...this was it. The challenge kiss was a clear statement, and this woman was way bolder than other women in any previous situation.
It's becoming a real problem with her, the wife. The woman who did the kissing...the first kiss was innocent, had it been left be, it probably would have not gone any further, she was just having a good time, which I'm pretty sure is the reason we're there in the first place. Now I'm guessing this smoking hot woman probably told all of her smoking hot chick friends not to go see our band because the singers wife is this and that blah blah blah....

Sticky situation. One one hand, I want this to stop like right now if not sooner, but there's no way I'm opening my mouth on this one. She was clearly in the wrong, but she has diplomatic immunity from where I'm sitting as the wife of our lead singer. This is a pattern with her for sure. Any advice?

Last edited by DogBreath; 03-10-2011 at 04:21 AM. Reason: lamguage
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 12-20-2010, 04:58 PM
ed427vette ed427vette is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Long Island NY
Posts: 28
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Play the gig, get paid and go home.

Nothing good will come out by you saying anything. I think you know that.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 12-20-2010, 05:07 PM
dairyairman's Avatar
dairyairman dairyairman is offline
Platinum Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: florida
Posts: 1,671
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

that's a tough one. two bands ago both the lead guitarist and the lead singer got into serious martial trouble over hot girl fans. their wives got extremely jealous and the band broke up because of that, which is too bad because we were popular and starting to get somewhere. we'd just finished an album and were about to go on a regional tour. the former lead singer is now forbidden by his wife from being in any band that plays out. the lead guitarist is in another band but living in paranoia and will no longer talk to any female fans.

the only advice i have is to urge your singer to never get involved with female fans, but what happened in his case is pretty innocent and just part of being a performer.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 12-20-2010, 05:15 PM
aydee aydee is offline
Platinum Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 7,264
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Quote:
Originally Posted by larryace View Post
... there's no way I'm opening my mouth on this one..
..

..Maybe you should. you might get lucky and get a challenge Kiss! Geez Larry, you guys have a lot of fun. I'd paint a dartboard on my face.

PS- Dont all bandgals know that all this is par for the course and we get tired constantly swatting them off like flies and sometimes some just take advantage of our fatigue and take a sip of the nectar every now and then?

...
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 12-20-2010, 05:18 PM
Gunnarsen Gunnarsen is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 49
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

thank god female fans usually don't go to the drummer. my girlfriend would kill the female fan AND me... :D
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 12-20-2010, 05:19 PM
larryace's Avatar
larryace larryace is online now
"Uncle Larry"
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: In beautiful Bucks County, PA
Posts: 13,395
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Since I got back into playing music in 2003 after a 20 year hiatus, I've been in blues bands. Where I am, a blues band crowd consists of about 98% guys, so I haven't encountered this particular situation before, because rock crowds have a much larger percentage of females. If I was the singer, I would have verbally BLASTED her on the ride home. In my mind it amounts to fanbase sabotage due to personal insecurities. My hands are tied, so I must vent here. Thanks for listening lol.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 12-20-2010, 05:23 PM
Garvin's Avatar
Garvin Garvin is offline
Pioneer Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Northern USA
Posts: 1,946
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

My wife stopped coming to gigs a looooong time ago... I don't think a woman has ever talked to me at a gig. Sounds like the singers wife is crazy, and would be the kind of woman who would drive me nuts to be around. I agree with ed "Play the gig, get paid and go home."
__________________
http://www.gregvdrums.com
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 12-20-2010, 05:29 PM
jer jer is offline
Silver Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 638
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

I'd ask that she not come to shows unless she can put her jealous insecurities behind her and put faith in her husband's ability to keep things from progressing past a "harmless" level. I would agree that her presence puts the bands good name at risk. Not only with fans, but establishments who would frown upon a band who brings potential violence with them.

And c'mon, is the allure of the musician not part of the performance?
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 12-20-2010, 05:31 PM
Florian's Avatar
Florian Florian is offline
Silver Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 949
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

my wife is our lead singer, and she gets hit on all the time.....all I have to do is toss a stick up towards her and the perp usually will get the hint...if not, I will talk to them cordially at the set break and explain the situation.


F
__________________
Sonor Ascent & SQ2
Paiste/UFIP/Evans/Vater/Pearl
Porter and Davies
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 12-20-2010, 05:35 PM
Muckster's Avatar
Muckster Muckster is offline
Platinum Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: I'm right behind you.
Posts: 1,808
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Yep, innocent enough, but with the wife going redneck, that only invites more trouble. What bar crowd doesn't love a cat fight? Of course, the singer could have done the old "why thank you, but i'm happily married" routine after the cheek kiss. Since you said this happend a couple of times before tells me that he likes seeing the wife get riled up (just my opinion).

That's between him and his wife. Stay out of it.
__________________
Max Roach did it, Elvin Jones did it, but Roy Haynes didit and didit and didit.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 12-20-2010, 05:51 PM
larryace's Avatar
larryace larryace is online now
"Uncle Larry"
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: In beautiful Bucks County, PA
Posts: 13,395
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

On a previous incident, a woman called the lead singers cell phone to see where we will be playing. Now his cell phone is on the card that gets passed out, it's public property. This started a situation. All that was discussed was band stuff, no sex, but from a womans point of view, it's way different.
When guys hit on my wife, I'm complimented that I am the one going home with her. If the situation were reversed and a guy was trying to make time with the wife..I wonder if she would have told him to back off like she asked her husband to do...

Insecure people...I tell ya...
It really makes me all warm and fuzzy when someone wants to beat up people that we are trying to attract.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 12-20-2010, 05:54 PM
Muckster's Avatar
Muckster Muckster is offline
Platinum Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: I'm right behind you.
Posts: 1,808
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Quote:
Originally Posted by larryace View Post
On a previous incident, a woman called the lead singers cell phone to see where we will be playing. Now his cell phone is on the card that gets passed out, it's public property. This started a situation. All that was discussed was band stuff, no sex, but from a womans point of view, it's way different.
When guys hit on my wife, I'm complimented that I am the one going home with her. If the situation were reversed and a guy was trying to make time with the wife..I wonder if she would have told him to back off like she asked her husband to do...

Insecure people...I tell ya...
It really makes me all warm and fuzzy when someone wants to beat up people that we are trying to attract.
As an evil joke, get your singer an "I'M MARRIED" t-shirt.

Yep, she definately has some insecurity issues. Best thing for you to do is strap in and keep it between the ditches.
__________________
Max Roach did it, Elvin Jones did it, but Roy Haynes didit and didit and didit.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 12-20-2010, 06:52 PM
braincramp's Avatar
braincramp braincramp is offline
Gold Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,255
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Think I'm on the other side of this one so far...I think a line gets crossed when there is phyiscal contact... I don't believe the 1st kiss was innocent (of course this is my opinion from not being there) I believe their are people due to there looks that believe they can "get away" with things average looking people can't. I believe this girl was probably aware that there was a chance the singer had a significant other and decided to cross the line....maybe I an old fuddy duddy but I really believe physical contact crosses a line.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 12-20-2010, 07:55 PM
DrumEatDrum's Avatar
DrumEatDrum DrumEatDrum is offline
Platinum Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 7,752
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

I disagree, I think you have to say something.

What to say, I'm not sure. But that kind of behavior is going to cost you gigs.
Either because the band will get thrown out, or plain old not asked back in the future because no one wants to deal the trouble.

Think about it: What if the other woman had been the bar owners sister? Or a writer for a local newspaper? Or the owner of a different entertainment venue that was considering offering the band a better gig? Chance are, probably not this time, but if this behavior continues, it's bound to cause problems, because her behavior reflects on the band as a whole.

Back when I was single and playing a lot, if I was seeing someone, and they started in on some crap like that over something mild, they got an earful from me. It's band, stuff happens, and it's part of the show. My wife and I have been together so long now because we realize we can't help what other people do, we can only control ourselves.

Sure, if your singer had somehow reciprocated the womans actions, his wife would have a reason. But he's the singer, he's going to get some attention. You play in front of people drinking, and drunk people are going to do dumb stuff. If the singers wife is going to get mad because people like that band, then you're not going to have much of band after a while.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 12-20-2010, 08:00 PM
Masheanhed's Avatar
Masheanhed Masheanhed is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Southern US
Posts: 366
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Larry if you were like me and played with a bunch of old, fat guys (including myself on that remark) you wouldn't have these troubles.
__________________
Sonor Sonic Plus Birch/German made
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 12-20-2010, 08:01 PM
keep it simple's Avatar
keep it simple keep it simple is offline
Platinum Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Herefordshire, UK.
Posts: 16,394
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Yeah, bring it on! I'm not getting the sabotage thing. Sure, an insecure singers wife will put off a female who fancies her chances with the singer, but think of the flip side. The possibility of a hot chick fracas will bring in a ton of femflesh sport hungry guys, & secretly, a few chicks with short haircuts too! It's a rock band!!! Uncivil behaviour goes with the territory.

Our singer & keys player (two good looking younger band members) got panties thrown at them at a gig this summer. Another girl took it upon herself to shake her unrestrained chest. Before I can check my wife isn't arming up with chick missiles, the two pantie throwing girls get on stage, put the panties on the keys player (yes, he struggled like hell, for at least 3 seconds), then sandwich grind him for the remainder of the song. Even the normally posessive key player's wife gave up her anger in the face of huge audience approval. She banned him from wearing chicks nickers at future gigs, he agreed. The following week, we got a ton of page messages, asking when the next "show" was on, & were the pantie throwing & chest ventilation girls hired in!

Keys player (arms folded) Singer (bottom left). As you can see, their attractiveness is increased by the old & butt ugly elements of the band, lol!
Attached Images
 
__________________
This message is brought to you courtesy of Thinly Veiled Productions inc.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 12-20-2010, 08:11 PM
playItLikeThis playItLikeThis is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 19
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

I aggree with braincramp on this one. Hitting on someone is one thing, and usually doesn't have major consequences. But you cross the line when you trade fluids with someone else. If I were to go to a bar and "hit on" a strange woman by kissing her, that would be sexual assault.

Me pesonally, I wouldn't care about fan base. My committment would be to my wife, whom I stood before God and family and professed 'til death do us part'.

I don't think its too much to ask for this fella's wife to watch the band without her husband being groped.

Sounds like the lead singer knows it drives his wife nuts and likes the attention he gets. A sign of insecurity. I'm not sure there's much you can do about this one.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 12-20-2010, 08:11 PM
larryace's Avatar
larryace larryace is online now
"Uncle Larry"
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: In beautiful Bucks County, PA
Posts: 13,395
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

IDK DED, what would I say? Get over your insecurities? That's a lose/lose conversation if ever there was one. I'm not touching this with a....29 and a half foot pole! (from "Mr. Grinch")
However getting the "I'm Married" T shirt is a pretty funny angle.
Or: "Warning, contageous skin disease"

Wait, that's probably a bad idea...
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 12-20-2010, 08:19 PM
DrumEatDrum's Avatar
DrumEatDrum DrumEatDrum is offline
Platinum Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 7,752
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Quote:
Originally Posted by larryace View Post
IDK DED, what would I say? Get over your insecurities? That's a lose/lose conversation if ever there was one. I'm not touching this with a....29 and a half foot pole! (from "Mr. Grinch")
However getting the "I'm Married" T shirt is a pretty funny angle.
Or: "Warning, contageous skin disease"

Wait, that's probably a bad idea...
Well, you can't say anything to her directly. But you need to speak to him about the potential for lost gigs if she keeps freaking out at shows.

What bar is going to hire "that band who bring the wife the goes off on all the female patrons"?
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 12-20-2010, 08:41 PM
larryace's Avatar
larryace larryace is online now
"Uncle Larry"
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: In beautiful Bucks County, PA
Posts: 13,395
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Man, I don't think our singer needs to be reminded of potential for lost gigs, I'm sure he knows full well. The ball is in his court. I'm steering clear here. I couldn't keep it in, and thought that someone here maybe had a similar scenario that I could learn from.

Even talking to the singer about the problem with his wife is a potential minefield. He is cool and would probably have to agree that it is detrimantal but I'm not gonna start that conversation. The only thing I can safely do is hope he gets his wife in line.
Reply With Quote
  #21  
Old 12-20-2010, 08:47 PM
Muckster's Avatar
Muckster Muckster is offline
Platinum Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: I'm right behind you.
Posts: 1,808
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Quote:
Originally Posted by larryace View Post
Man, I don't think our singer needs to be reminded of potential for lost gigs, I'm sure he knows full well. The ball is in his court. I'm steering clear here. I couldn't keep it in, and thought that someone here maybe had a similar scenario that I could learn from.

Even talking to the singer about the problem with his wife is a potential minefield. He is cool and would probably have to agree that it is detrimantal but I'm not gonna start that conversation. The only thing I can safely do is hope he gets his wife in line.
Good move Larry. I once made the mistake of talking to a bandmate's wife about band issues, the bandmate "quit" the band the next week.

Just hope she gets in line and pray no one lands on your drums!
__________________
Max Roach did it, Elvin Jones did it, but Roy Haynes didit and didit and didit.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 12-20-2010, 08:48 PM
keep it simple's Avatar
keep it simple keep it simple is offline
Platinum Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Herefordshire, UK.
Posts: 16,394
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Quote:
Originally Posted by DrumEatDrum View Post
What bar is going to hire "that band who bring the wife the goes off on all the female patrons"?
Ok, my flippant post is aimed at the occasional dive into exuberance & flesh venting. Got to agree with the above, that becomes boring very quickly. Larry, keep out of it & enjoy the show!
__________________
This message is brought to you courtesy of Thinly Veiled Productions inc.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 12-20-2010, 09:26 PM
braincramp's Avatar
braincramp braincramp is offline
Gold Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,255
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Quote:
Originally Posted by Masheanhed View Post
Larry if you were like me and played with a bunch of old, fat guys (including myself on that remark) you wouldn't have these troubles.
+1 to this just check the my place thread with our bands x-mas song....probably why I'm on the other side of this as most.....we do get asked for autograghs more for the ladies kids.... we sell shirts and they always ask to have them signed...my wife come up to me Sat. night after the gig while I was breaking my set down and asked for a signed set of sticks for the woman (she just met)that was with her.. the lady wanted them for her son...all was good even a thank-you hug..but if it would of went to a thank you kiss it would of been a whole new game..
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 12-20-2010, 10:17 PM
ddrumman2004 ddrumman2004 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Courtland MS
Posts: 323
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Our band doesn't have that problem...

Plus from where I sit, I'm hidden behind the drums....not that anyone would want me anyway!
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 12-20-2010, 10:25 PM
T.Underhill's Avatar
T.Underhill T.Underhill is offline
Pioneer Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: MD
Posts: 1,551
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Not once but twice? That's bad on him. He should have been able to read the signs and in one way or another it sounds like he invited it. My wife would also flip out because she knows that crap just doesn't happen. What a great tear down/ride home that would be lol.
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 12-20-2010, 10:26 PM
Pocket-full-of-gold's Avatar
Pocket-full-of-gold Pocket-full-of-gold is offline
Platinum Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Melbourne, Australia.
Posts: 9,862
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Quote:
Originally Posted by DrumEatDrum View Post
I disagree, I think you have to say something.
+1.

You guys are WORKING. Wives either chill while you're working or they stay home, is my simplistic view. This is the sort of stuff that costs gigs Larry. You wouldn't let a wife wander into your regular place of employment and start throwing her weight around. Very uncool for mine.

Different story if the singer was caught in a compromising position with the barmaid in the band room, but an innocent kiss while entertaining drunken revellers? The sort of over reaction that makes a band look unprofessional, for mine.

Agree it's a hard one, but it needs to be dealt with. I'd just say to the singer straight up, that his missus has to pull her head in and allow you guys to do your thing, or she doesn't come anymore.
__________________
What's the best cape for running away from a gig?
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 12-20-2010, 11:01 PM
zambizzi's Avatar
zambizzi zambizzi is offline
Platinum Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Big Bad Boise
Posts: 4,048
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

You're playing music in a party atmosphere where women are known to be present, consuming alcohol, and generally trying to have a good time. A musician's wife should understand this and also, understand that she's married and that involves trust. If she's this insecure, she should stay home or find a hobby of her own, to consume her time and thoughts. If she can't trust her husband or tolerate the idea that he'd be around women, she may have married the wrong person. That's their business, not yours...but she definitely should not be showing up to gigs and behaving like a Jerry Springer guest, inflicting that drama on the rest of you and the public.
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 12-20-2010, 11:05 PM
larryace's Avatar
larryace larryace is online now
"Uncle Larry"
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: In beautiful Bucks County, PA
Posts: 13,395
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

The guitar player in the band, who goes back a lot further with the singer than I do, I'm sure he has some thoughts on this issue. If anyone would be safe raising the topic, it would be him. And to the singers defense, he does nothing to incite this kind of behavior. He's a really nice devoted man who remains neutral, and neither incites or discourages this type of behavior, as he should as a professional entertainer. The angry wife (of the singer) is a bartender, who gets hit on too, but isn't the recipient of insecure behavior from our singer. Things are always different when the reverse happens. I don't go for double standards or hypocrisy, but in this case I have to bite my lip. As far as the singer verbally telling the kisser to back down, I don't think the stage is the proper place to get all noble. It was just a harmless kiss that escalated into a battle of wills. People really need to lighten up. She should be more concerned about what she doesn't see instead of harmless revelry that's right in front of her face.
I'd like to hear a female POV here.
Monica! Malti! Grea! Beastdrummagirl! Grannydrums! Bobdadrumma! (sorry Bob couldn't resist, love ya man) Come out come out wherever you are!
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 12-21-2010, 12:25 AM
Pollyanna's Avatar
Pollyanna Pollyanna is offline
Platinum Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Cyberspace, Sydney connection
Posts: 10,000
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Larry, maybe it's a good time to find a second band as insurance in case this one gets too messy? I don't see it as a male / female issue - more a redneck / civilised person issue. There are ways to voice displeasure without carrying on like an animal.

Not sure I'd say anything at this stage. It's one incident. If it happens again then if anything is said it should be a united front with the other neutral member together highlighting the problem to the singer and gently discussing the problem and what can be done.

Strangely enough, we haven't had any women throwing themselves at our singer! Can you believe that? :) Sadly, no men have been throwing themselves at me either ...
__________________
.
Polly's rhythms
.
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 12-21-2010, 02:16 AM
KBadd's Avatar
KBadd KBadd is offline
Silver Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Live....well!
Posts: 575
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

I suppose saying anything may "Yoko" the situation. You may piss off the singer by "saying something about his wife". Not fun, dude.

My wife plays keys and sings lead in my band. Our philosophy has ALWAYS been "you are on your own" if the opposite sex comes on to you, smacks one on you, flashes her b@@bies, or asks you home. Period. I believe while working, IN A ROCK AND ROLL BAND, you are "working in a rock band"!! Stuff happens all the time.

If she can't handle herself she needs to split. Hubby should be calling her out on this as it made the whole band look stupid and it's his wife. Now if you were to say anything, you may approach the others in the band and have the senior member say something, as suggested.
__________________
K

Zildjian--Mapex Saturn--Remo--DW 5000--Iron Cobra--Regal Tip AVH
Reply With Quote
  #31  
Old 12-21-2010, 05:15 AM
Pocket-full-of-gold's Avatar
Pocket-full-of-gold Pocket-full-of-gold is offline
Platinum Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Melbourne, Australia.
Posts: 9,862
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Quote:
Originally Posted by KBadd View Post
I suppose saying anything may "Yoko" the situation. You may piss off the singer by "saying something about his wife". Not fun, dude.
True......although you may lose your gig by staying silent too.

Which would you prefer?

"OK, I can speak now and get the singer razzled because I questioned the sheer amatuerism of his missus' antics and what a pathetic display of petty jealousy it really was......OR.....I could make sure I have a gig next week and the band act and look like pro's".

Hmmm...I know which path I'd choose. :-)
__________________
What's the best cape for running away from a gig?
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 12-21-2010, 05:35 AM
Pollyanna's Avatar
Pollyanna Pollyanna is offline
Platinum Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Cyberspace, Sydney connection
Posts: 10,000
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

On second thoughts, if no one says a thing about next rehearsal it will leave a very large elephant in the room. I suspect Mrs Bono is a lot more mature, trusting and relaxed.
__________________
.
Polly's rhythms
.
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 12-21-2010, 09:17 AM
Skitch's Avatar
Skitch Skitch is offline
Pioneer Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nashville
Posts: 2,753
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

There is nothing you can do about this; but it sure was funny to read! I know it isn't funny when it's happening to you, but it was funny to read!

Larry, there really is nothing you can do about this. You see, there is no such thing as a secure woman; they are all insecure and they love to compete against each other. The reason the lead singer's wife is attracted to him is the very thing which makes her insecure. One other rule - All women know who's the prettiest woman in the room!

I always hoped and prayed a particular frontman's wife would never get my phone number and start asking me questions about what was really going on out on the road. Apparently, one of my predecessors was a snitch and would call her with details of who, what, where and when.

There is absolutley nothing you can do; it is a person matter between the two of them. And this coming from a drummer who used to work with one of the best con artists in the world!

It sucks, I know and it's unprofessional. But your singer HAS to appeal to women - they are the customer! And no, the smokin' hot woman didn't complain - she more than likely bragged how she made out with the singer of the band right in front of his wife - remember - women love to compete!


Mike

http://www.mikemccraw.com
http://www.dominoretroplate.com
http://www.patentcoachmike.com
http://www.youtube.com/drummermikemccraw
http://www.myspace.com/drummermikemccraw
http://www.facebook.com/mike.mccraw
http://www.linkedin.com/in/mikemccraw
http://twitter.com/mikemccraw

Last edited by DogBreath; 03-10-2011 at 04:25 AM. Reason: deleted quoted text
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 12-21-2010, 09:48 AM
Pollyanna's Avatar
Pollyanna Pollyanna is offline
Platinum Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Cyberspace, Sydney connection
Posts: 10,000
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skitch View Post
Larry, there really is nothing you can do about this. You see, there is no such thing as a secure woman; they are all insecure and they love to compete against each other. The reason the lead singer's wife is attracted to him is the very thing which makes her insecure. One other rule - All women know who's the prettiest woman in the room!
Ahem. If your partner was a singer and some hot young stud started pawing at her on stage and kissed her on the lips (with no protest from your partner), would that make you feel a little weird?

Not that this justifies violent, redneck behaviour. Just saying ...
__________________
.
Polly's rhythms
.
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 12-21-2010, 12:09 PM
jim_gregory's Avatar
jim_gregory jim_gregory is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: CT, USA
Posts: 423
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

I have been kissed a lot in the past 56 years. But I have NEVER been kissed by any girl I didnt want to be kissed by. Ever. Do not lead with your lips when the wife is there. This is a basic truth. This situation should never have happened.
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 12-21-2010, 12:20 PM
supermac supermac is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Newcastle, UK
Posts: 233
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Hope I don't sound like a dinosaur, but I personally don't enjoy WAGS (English term for wives and girlfriends) coming to gigs.

My current bar band got back together recently after we split up in the 90s.

Back in the day, it was a male-only night out as the five of us would pile into the van, with a couple of roadies, and take off into the night. There was a great camerarderie, team spirit and I had some of the best times and laughs of my life.

Now, we all arrive separately with WAGS in tow, generally sit separately, and there's definitely a slightly cliquey, slightly uneasy atmosphere. The camerarderie has gone.

I still enjoy playing gigs, but it's just not the same. Maybe it's called getting older!

(This isn't at all a dig at women - just my personal experience with my band lately...)
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 12-21-2010, 01:31 PM
jim_gregory's Avatar
jim_gregory jim_gregory is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: CT, USA
Posts: 423
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pollyanna View Post
Ahem. If your partner was a singer and some hot young stud started pawing at her on stage and kissed her on the lips (with no protest from your partner), would that make you feel a little weird?

Not that this justifies violent, redneck behaviour. Just saying ...
That is truly understated. Only thing ever to provoke violence in me, and only once 30 years ago, was rude behavior towards my wife. And I mean VERY rude. She is considerate enough to see that it doesnt happen anymore and she has the power. I think lover boy front man effed up. I also think it's unlikely to ever happen again. If he didnt learn from that episode and no doubt the continuing love fest at home, then he is not very bright. This stuff does nothing to give his wife a warm fuzzy feeling about him playing without her there as well. Husbands job is to keep wifey comfy and confident and visa versa. He could have avoided the situation without question and he chose not to. Hope he is enjoying the resulting lunatic wife. It will be a long time before she settles down.
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 12-21-2010, 03:01 PM
JT1's Avatar
JT1 JT1 is offline
Silver Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Bedlington, UK
Posts: 731
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

So there is a reason why we are put at the back after all!

Wow sounds like a tough situation but to be honest with you, I don't blame the woman for going off it, after all it's her partner and the person she loves and this other woman just wanted to pour salt in the wound after she had warned her off. God help the woman that would kiss me during a gig.

If it's happened 3 times, your singer just must be irresistible.

I can see this being a problem for the band though, I think it is up to your singer to talk to his partner and to reassure her that there is no harm in it and that if it happens again, nothing is going to come of it.

I wouldn't make a big deal out of it with your singer but you could just say, 'have you sorted things with your wife?' It might trigger him to think about it differently in terms of affecting the band.
__________________
Totally addicted to BASS....drum...pedals
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 12-21-2010, 03:26 PM
jer jer is offline
Silver Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 638
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skitch View Post
You see, there is no such thing as a secure woman; they are all insecure...
I'm no expert on the subject, but I feel as though a woman feeling insecure has more to do with how guys make her feel than any competitive nature they may have.
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 12-21-2010, 04:01 PM
larryace's Avatar
larryace larryace is online now
"Uncle Larry"
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: In beautiful Bucks County, PA
Posts: 13,395
Default Re: Band wives and female patrons

Quote:
Originally Posted by jim_gregory View Post
I think lover boy front man effed up.............

He could have avoided the situation without question and he chose not to.
Jim, if the singer was in the middle of a vocal and a dancing girl took it upon herself to saunter over and cheek kiss him, how can that be his fault? And how could this have been avoided? His eyes were closed and she took him by surprise.

I am with the singer, he has no control over what other people do. So you're saying that after the first kiss he should have told her to cool her jets? Not sure if I agree w/ that either, bad business. I think it's all wifeys issue. I wonder how many times Bon Jovi told the girls to back off when they gave kisses. I think that would be rude, here's a fan who loves you and you tell her to cool it...bad business IMO.

Actually, if I was the singer, after the "challenge" kiss was made, I would have taken his wife to the side (knowing how she was going to react) and asked or instructed HER to not escalate the situation. Instead, he just kept singing. By him doing nothing, (meaning not telling the kisser to back off) he made his wife even angrier, so much so that she (the wife) threw her drink straw at her husband (our singer) in front of everybody.

I do like JT1's suggestion about asking the singer if he "sorted out the problem with his wife". As long as that question comes from the guitarist, not me lol. I will be talking to the guitarist privately, I haven't done that yet, to see what his thoughts are. He has no problem taking a stand, to his credit.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are Off
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off




All times are GMT +2. The time now is 01:06 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Bernhard Castiglioni's DRUMMERWORLD.com