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  #1  
Old 07-01-2009, 03:08 PM
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larryace larryace is offline
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Default girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

My fiance comes to each and every one of my gigs. She helps me set up, tear down, load in and out, and provides feedback as to how the PA sounds. She is upset if she can't make a gig. Any thoughts? Do you prefer they stay home? Let's hear your take.
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  #2  
Old 07-01-2009, 03:14 PM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

You sir have won at life lol.But seriously i love when my girlfriend comes i play better when shes there.But she has never helped me set up or tear down she will sit down and watch me do it.
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Old 07-01-2009, 03:18 PM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

Sounds like she is really into what you are doing. That's great that she helps out too. One of my Ex-blondes used to come to my gigs wearing a short, tight leather mini skirt......damn what a distraction! She never helped out though, not even to get me a beer!
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Old 07-01-2009, 03:24 PM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

Yes I am the envy of all my fellow musicians when she is setting up my stands and helping out. I am lucky. She is the best.
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  #5  
Old 07-01-2009, 03:34 PM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

Lucky bastard indeed.
I have a wonderful and beautiful girlfriend but wonder if she owuld help me set up. I am currently not gigging very often but if she had the chance I think she'd come.
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  #6  
Old 07-01-2009, 03:38 PM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

My girflriend is at all my gigs!...since it's my right hand :(. Seriously though, you are lucky.
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  #7  
Old 07-01-2009, 05:29 PM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

Hi
After 30 plus years of marriage,3 kids,4 grandchildren and rehearsal's at the house she rarely goes to gigs! I'm just happy that she let's me go to the gig!!!!!! Most likely she happy to get me out of the house! Denis
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Old 07-01-2009, 07:03 PM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

I have a very hot wife, who helps with set-up and sound when she comes to shows. However, she rarely comes, which is ok with me. I gig way too often (multiple times a week, frequently multiple shows in a day over the summer) to disrupt her life that often. She is also into painting, and does her best work when I'm not around to distract her, so her best time to paint is when I gig.

I have to admit, our shows tend to have lots of hot dancing, us getting flashed, etc, and being on stage, you have to encourage it and partake in it (both when it's easy and when it's ugly chicks and you wish they would pull their shirts back down), so even though she is ok with that, I find it easier to roll with that stuff when she isn't around.
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  #9  
Old 07-01-2009, 08:42 PM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

[quote=mrchattr;590611] I have to admit, our shows tend to have lots of hot dancing, us getting flashed, etc, and being on stage, you have to encourage it and partake in itQUOTE]

Pennsylvania just got a whole lot sexier!



Always had the girl-in-the-audience thing going: Get done playing and they come up to you. For the next few shows, had someone to help me lug stuff from the car : )
One ended up being a girlfriend for 1 1/2 years - and she went to every gig and recruited a ton of her [cute] girlfriends for each show. Suddenly my guy friends were making their way to all the shows too. She was a groupie/roadie/promoter all in one (unfortunately she was unstable/childish/high-maintenance as well)

Now it gets tricky when the current girl comes [to every show] and there will be 4 ex's in the audience who didin't mention they were coming (the girlie is in Vietnam for a solid month, so I don't have to worry too much about awkwardness/cat-fights)... Tomorrow night I'm playing in Pasadena, and 3 of them live nearby and all said "see you then".

..."I'd rather you didn't"

"don't be silly, I'll see you there"

"It's not silly - it's 'I don't want trouble'"

"Oh I'll be good [this time]"



we will see!
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  #10  
Old 07-01-2009, 10:44 PM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

To The Colonel:

My advice is to take care of your privates!

Peace
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  #11  
Old 07-02-2009, 12:28 AM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

My girlfriend is in two minds with this. I'm not in a band but my my girlfriend really wants me to be because she wants go out with the hot drummer (her words not mine, honest), on the other hand she's be worried about the attention I'd be getting. I think she'd be at the front of the stage drooling over me but also starting cat-fights with any other girl that looks at me. What can I say, women can't keep their hands off me.
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  #12  
Old 07-02-2009, 12:49 AM
Paul Quin Paul Quin is offline
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

I read the tag line and thought this thread would go in a completely different direction. My thoughts are probably different to the way folks have been commenting. If you are a hobbiest who plays only occasionally then I say bring the whole family, the wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/brother/Mom and Dad and make the gig an occasion. If you are a serious musician, however, and hope to make a career out of this I can't help but come to a different conclusion. If you were a plumber would you take your girlfriend to work with you? I have seen more bands fall apart because of significant others than you would believe. If you are supposed to be a professional then go to work and do your job. Now, there is nothing wrong with your significant other turning up for the show as long as they understand you are at work - that you can't get hammered with them - that you can't hang out with them and, once again, that you are at work. This is a message that rarely seems to get through! And, under no circumstances do you bring significant others to rehearsals or recording sessions (unless they are in the business too!)

Having said all that, I have clients and friends who are at the top of the professional tree and for certain gigs they always turn upn with their wives. C'est la vie . . .

Paul
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  #13  
Old 07-02-2009, 12:54 AM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

Since we are talking about relationships what are your guys experinces dating band members is it difficult.Thankfully my girl is number 1 groupie not a music playing girl im just wondering is all
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  #14  
Old 07-02-2009, 12:56 AM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

I guess I'll have to take the other side here. I much prefer to be alone at work, except for the other players of course, because that's what I do and I like to be able to be in my own space, so to speak, when I'm doing it.
I like to get to the gig by myself, set up by myself, get myself together, warm up on the pad, have a beer, and not have to entertain or otherwise pay attention to anyone or anything except the job at hand. It's my time, my life, my world.
My wife works nights so she can't come to my gigs, and when she's off the last thing she wants to do is hang around a night club. She'll come see the band play every now and then but we respect each other's right to go our own ways.
In the past I've had girlfriends come to gigs and honestly speaking I found it annoying. I'm very jealous of my musical world and I don't like having any distractions around.
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  #15  
Old 07-02-2009, 05:44 AM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

I had to chime in on this thread I just couldn't resist. I HATE it when a girlfriend is at the gig. I am there to play and when my girlfriends used to come to gigs it was nothing but a huge distraction. My moto always was hey I don't go to work with you, you don't go to work with me. It really was a pain when I played clubs. Now when the family comes to a gig its much easier, but I still have to make sure their tickets are at willcall, make sure the kids have backstage passes and make sure everything is cool with them before i start warming up. So it still messes with my prep time before the gig, but it better now.

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  #16  
Old 07-02-2009, 06:08 AM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

I would say you are VERY fortunate. She is demonstrating her commitment by being involved in what YOU love to do and are passionate about. My band's last drummer quit because his new girlfriend didn't like him spending any time away from her (very selfish)

My wife still supports me and the band by selling CD's, coming to shows and wearing the band's T's when she goes out. You have a good fiance who loves sharing time with you. You are blessed.
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  #17  
Old 07-02-2009, 09:33 AM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

I gig 3 or 4 times a week. I've been doing this for most of the 15 years that my wife and I've been together.

She'll go every now and then if she knows some of the other band members girlfriends or wives will be there. The last thing she wants to do is sit by herself and get "hit on" all night.

Other than that...she'd rather stay home. She's seen me play many, many times. It's all old hat to her.
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  #18  
Old 07-02-2009, 01:23 PM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

I have not gigged out yet but we are getting close. My wife does come to open mics with me and encourages me to get up there and play. Me and my band practice twice a week in my basement after work and the wife is very accomadating.

She will come down and offer beer, applause, and even criticism although she really does not know anything about music which kinda rubbed me the wrong way at 1st, but my lead guitarist told me that those are 90% of the type of people we will be playing for so her criticism is very important and more helpful for what we are trying to do.

This is a good thread, I always thought that it would be great if I could pay my way in life by doing nothing but playing drums but after reading some of the posts here it is kinda sad that it is just like a regular job. Not sure I would want to do it full time if I could not enjoy it the way I do now.
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  #19  
Old 07-02-2009, 06:23 PM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

My girlfriend comes to a gig every now and again, but it's usually the important ones. We gig 2-3 times a week but most of them are just bar/club shows, generally crowds of 30 or less. Like someone said earlier, even if she isn't working the last thing she wants to do is sit around in a smokey bar by herselfing getting "hit on". And I totally understand that I would feel the same.

Every few months we'll score an opening support slot for a signed band at a major venue (200-300 or more crowd) and she always does everything possible to make those and I think that's awesome. For those usually i'm pretty nerve wracked and she somehow manages to calm me down with some encouraging words. I actually prefer her there for those shows I feel more calm and confident.

Another good point made above is the female attention brought on by being in a band, which is much more prominent in my case, in a smaller more intimate place like a bar/club in which I can handle my own, dont need the woman there making cat fights, im a good boy :)
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  #20  
Old 07-02-2009, 11:19 PM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

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Originally Posted by PraiseTheChicken View Post
She's seen me play many, many times.
That's pretty much where my gf is at.

She does come out every now and again to some of the bigger shows, but when she does come, (as bad as it sounds), she knows her place. She knows that I'm not going to give her focus and that chances are that when I'm off the stage I'll be chatting up fans or friends more than I'll be spending time with her. I'm there to promote my music and my band, not hang out with her - we do that when I'm not playing so I can give the attention she deserves. Plus, she's well aware that it's harder to sell cd's to the female members of the audience with a gf on your arm.
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  #21  
Old 07-13-2009, 06:13 AM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

Well, since it's what i pretty much do for a living... As in, that's how I'm paying for university. Yeah, she tries to come out when she can! She's awesome, sets up, tears down, although i don't like it when she does that. I dont know why. Maybe it's my testosterone kicking in. But i appreciate that she comes. :) I know not many girlfriends go to a lot of gigs, but she tries to make it to every single one!
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Old 07-13-2009, 06:14 AM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

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Originally Posted by jer View Post
That's pretty much where my gf is at.

She does come out every now and again to some of the bigger shows, but when she does come, (as bad as it sounds), she knows her place. She knows that I'm not going to give her focus and that chances are that when I'm off the stage I'll be chatting up fans or friends more than I'll be spending time with her. I'm there to promote my music and my band, not hang out with her - we do that when I'm not playing so I can give the attention she deserves. Plus, she's well aware that it's harder to sell cd's to the female members of the audience with a gf on your arm.
My girlfriend is like that, too. She tends to hang around the bar or the back of the venue a little bit, working the merch table. It's nice. She understands that it's a business and treats it as such. You have a winner, my friend. :)
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  #23  
Old 07-20-2009, 01:55 PM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

you guys are very lucky to have girlfriends that get involved in your music and stuff and help you with your set up... lol very few of my past girlfriends have ever bothered to even carry my stick bag....

as for the dating sumeone in the band thing... well its a complicated situation. For an example, i used to hav a band where you would hav a chick doing lead vocals, and she dated the bassist of our band. When things became complicated is when the two guitarists, both lead and rythm, accused the bassist of letting the chick choose all of the songs we were to play; the guitarists (two brothers) wanted to play punk rock, while the chick (and oviously the bassist) wanted to play stuff like Evanescence... i tried to help sort things out, but it only made it worse (as usual lol). So we pretty much had to cancel all of our gigs because the bassist didnt want to talk to the guitarists... kiddish stuff really
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Old 07-21-2009, 03:47 AM
wy yung wy yung is offline
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

Girl friend....what's a girl friend????


:-(

At least I have drums. They love me, right?????
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Old 07-21-2009, 04:39 AM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

I'm wondering what it's like to have someone "help" you set up your drums. How do they know where eveything goes? How do they know what cymbal goes on what stand?
Do you sit down with your girlfriend and explain how memory-locks work? Do you show her your rug and say, "Honey, see these bits of duct tape here? That's where the ride cymbal stand goes. See, and then you attach this tom to the stand. No, not like that. Here, let me show you. Yeah, it's a little heavy, don't worry about it. Look, maybe you should be taking notes. You're going to need to have all this down by next week if you want to help me set up my drums."
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  #26  
Old 07-21-2009, 06:12 AM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

Quote:
Originally Posted by wy yung View Post
Girl friend....what's a girl friend????


:-(

At least I have drums. They love me, right?????
haha thats where i am but my drums don't have "problems" lol.
during marching band (which is coming up really fast) we tell the newbees that they don't have time for a girl friend cuz they won't have a life if they want to be on the line

[quote=The Colonel;590638]
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrchattr View Post
I have to admit, our shows tend to have lots of hot dancing, us getting flashed, etc, and being on stage, you have to encourage it and partake in itQUOTE]

Pennsylvania just got a whole lot sexier!
!
and of course Pa is the sexiest area of land around...mostly because the fact that so many drummers from here are active on here lol

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Old 07-22-2009, 02:50 AM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

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Originally Posted by larryace View Post
My fiance comes to each and every one of my gigs. She helps me set up, tear down, load in and out, and provides feedback as to how the PA sounds. She is upset if she can't make a gig. Any thoughts? Do you prefer they stay home? Let's hear your take.
When's the wedding larry?
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  #28  
Old 07-22-2009, 06:20 PM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

Too funny.... When I was a church drummer for 7 months, my 11 year old daughter came with me during rehearsals and during the services. I put her to good use, carrying smaller drums, stick bags, stands, etc. She was a trooper because her mom is a musician, her older sis plays guitar, so she was getting a taste of the life. Also, she became very valuable during the rehearsals and sound checks. I had her stand in the back of the sanctuary and listen to my accusitc drums for loudness, sound quality, etc. Just having someone listening and knowing what to listen for was valuable for me since the sounds and tones of drums and cymbals are quite different on stage as opposed to what the audience hears.

She also provided honest feed back on my playing, as in "Dad, that first song you played sounded ok, the second you were too loud, the thrid was ok, the fourth wasn't bad but it wasn't really good either...." Out of the mouths of kids, eh?!?
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Old 07-23-2009, 07:00 AM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

My wife came to most (but not all) of the shows I played at when I lived in California a few years back. Most were with my band, but the ones she enjoyed the most were the "hired gun" work where I was going way off my beaten path, playing doo-wop, musicals, etc. She got to see an entirely different side of me.

She also does help me set up and tear down, and is also a pretty good critic of my performance. But one unintended benefit of her being around me was that she brought to my attention the fact that when I get focused on the gig, sometimes I turn into a real jerk, impatient and unapproachable. Not only was it causing tensions within my band that I was not seeing, but it was actually turning off some fans who wanted to come up and ask me questions, or give me compliments. Boy, what an eye opener that was. While it certainly didn't feel good at the time, it did make me more conscious of my behavior at gigs, and I worked hard at it. And what do you know, gigs became fun again. And isn't that why we all started playing anyway...?
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  #30  
Old 07-23-2009, 02:50 PM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

My wife genuinely likes to see me play but I do it so much that she only comes to special shows. I also play a lot on tour. I obviously do not bring her and my kids with me then. We have a great & a unique situation when it comes to the music business I know that. I am a lucky man.

Any female drummers here? What does your husband/boyfriend do for you?
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  #31  
Old 07-28-2009, 05:46 PM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

Quote:
Originally Posted by DrummerBoy95 View Post
as for the dating sumeone in the band thing... well its a complicated situation. For an example, i used to hav a band where you would hav a chick doing lead vocals, and she dated the bassist of our band. When things became complicated is when the two guitarists, both lead and rythm, accused the bassist of letting the chick choose all of the songs we were to play; the guitarists (two brothers) wanted to play punk rock, while the chick (and oviously the bassist) wanted to play stuff like Evanescence... i tried to help sort things out, but it only made it worse (as usual lol). So we pretty much had to cancel all of our gigs because the bassist didnt want to talk to the guitarists... kiddish stuff really
That's why we have a "No Chicks Allowed" policy hahah... even though it doesn't apply to my current band since the other members are married and I have been in a relationship for 4 years... but yeah... dating a band member is no good. This is especially bad because of all the politics involved in bands... then adding all the dating politics in too... oh god... why would anyone want to date someone in their band?!

As for my GF... we only had our first gig last week and she came... she helped set up a little... but i feel i played better because she was there. Apparently it is also a big turn-on to watch me play.... hahaha... (this is the first time she's seen me perform)
I would like her to keep coming to them but I see that if we play out all the time she prob won't want to...
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  #32  
Old 07-28-2009, 05:51 PM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

Quote:
Originally Posted by con struct View Post
"Honey, see these bits of duct tape here? That's where the ride cymbal stand goes. See, and then you attach this tom to the stand. No, not like that. Here, let me show you. Yeah, it's a little heavy, don't worry about it. Look, maybe you should be taking notes. You're going to need to have all this down by next week if you want to help me set up my drums."
hahahah... that sounds kind of familiar... like...
Her: "What can i do to help?" ...
me: "you see all those wing nuts on the bottoms of the cymbal stands? start by opening all them and open the legs on the stands..."
then i look over and she's loosening up all sort of wing nuts that have nothing to do with the legs...
I appreciated her help but i can say i really don't like other people moving my stuff around because some of it is fragile or if the wrong wing nuts get turned then all the stands are not in the right position...
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  #33  
Old 08-12-2009, 07:46 AM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

We've had a lot of good times in the past when all the wives/GFs/SOs are friends, and they come to the gigs as their night out.

Wedding/private gigs, no way. It shouldn't have to be said, but believe it or not some people drag their girls or whatever into private gigs and it makes for an uncomfortable scene for everyone, including the buyer.
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Old 08-12-2009, 02:42 PM
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

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Originally Posted by thelimpingtoad View Post
That's why we have a "No Chicks Allowed" policy hahah... even though it doesn't apply to my current band since the other members are married and I have been in a relationship for 4 years... but yeah... dating a band member is no good. This is especially bad because of all the politics involved in bands... then adding all the dating politics in too... oh god... why would anyone want to date someone in their band?!

hahaha i remember we had to cancel a gig one time because the two lovers wanted to go on a date and they had forgotten that we had to gig. They basically didnt show up at the show....... "luckily" nearly no one showed up to see us that night XD... i guess that had to happen lol.
ye i agree with you that it makes no sense to be dating someone in the band; i told the guy he would have plenty of groupies to choose from lol... it didnt really make him laugh...
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  #35  
Old 08-12-2009, 04:04 PM
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2bsticks 2bsticks is offline
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

Hmm, not sure about this topic!!! My wife will come and she does help me which is great. But when the other wives attend a show you never know what to expect. Two of the wives are always battling with each other for some reason and my wife gets stuck in the middle and I have to listen to it all on the way home. Or they critique the crap out of us "that sounded awful" "why is he singing that" "I saw you look at that girl" Or if they are all getting along and they don't want to listen to us for the 100Th time they go shopping together, or if we are working a restaurant they eat and drink so basically I'm working for free.
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  #36  
Old 08-12-2009, 09:39 PM
jer jer is offline
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

Quote:
Originally Posted by thelimpingtoad View Post
(this is the first time she's seen me perform)
Quoted for hilarity.
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  #37  
Old 08-13-2009, 12:48 AM
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dale w miller dale w miller is offline
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

A lot of these post make me realize how great I have it. I think I am going to get off this computer and tell my wife how much I love her. :)
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  #38  
Old 08-13-2009, 02:16 PM
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thelimpingtoad thelimpingtoad is offline
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

Quote:
Originally Posted by jer View Post
Quoted for hilarity.
:) you know i MEANT "play drums in front of an audience" RIGHT?!
Very funny interpretation though... (if i'm reading your insinuation correctly)
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Old 08-13-2009, 02:26 PM
jer jer is offline
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

Quote:
Originally Posted by thelimpingtoad View Post
:) you know i MEANT "play drums in front of an audience" RIGHT?!
Very funny interpretation though... (if i'm reading your insinuation correctly)
I had to refrain myself from quoting another section of your post and offering you congrats, this is a family show.
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  #40  
Old 08-13-2009, 05:08 PM
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thelimpingtoad thelimpingtoad is offline
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Default Re: girlfriends, wives, and the like coming to gigs

Quote:
Originally Posted by jer View Post
I had to refrain myself from quoting another section of your post and offering you congrats, this is a family show.
heh heh... yeah... i probably shouldn't have mentioned it.
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