Girls&Relationships vs. Drums&Music

That's exactly my problem...

Interesting thread on a delicate topic, a lot of good replies by many members...

When I started drumming, I had that "dream" of becoming a professional musician, and I sacrified a lot of my time doing so at the expense of relationships, with both my girlfriend ( I had a girlfriend when I started music) and my friends and family.

Now, very few of us out there can genuinely say that they achieved such "dream(s)", most of us never have and never will have the chance of earning a decent financial reward to be able to go through life as a professional musician, this regardless of how good a musician is able master his/her craft. It takes more than being an acomplished drummer to get there IMO. :)

It's OK to be smitten by girls and whishing upon a relationship with shuch feeling toward a girl, but if you find the special one, the one that you'll be in love with, and provididing that the feeling is mutual, it will not be difficult as far as "relationship" is concerned, I married the girlfriend I had when I started music, and throughout my life as a musician, she's always supported me in whatever decision I made upon my views and choices in music, and although she's not a musician, she's the best friend I ever had within my musical career over all these years. :)

You cannot just play drums 24/7 365 days a year, so, when the few non music involved moments arise in your life, enjoy them, girlfriend(s), family and friends, there's much more to life than just music. :)
 
How did you know it was the right time and the right person?

It will be the right time when you find someone you are willing to spend time with. If you're not willing to put anything into the relationship, you're not going get anything out of it...that simple.
 
That's exactly my problem.
And I'm doing all this things you're talking aout, I'm going to the gym 5 times a week, I go out like every four months because I'm practicing, and everything I do is because of drumming.

But there are some moments where I would be happy to have someone, right now I'm having such a moment. But there aren't many of these moments.


I want to thank you all for your posts and advices.

Well I think you're doing all the right stuff. As I say, try not to worry about it until you're in a position when you feel like you could spare the time for that sort of commitment without giving up on what you want to do in life, which is drumming.

It will be the right time when you find someone you are willing to spend time with. If you're not willing to put anything into the relationship, you're not going get anything out of it...that simple.

That is certainly true. Unfortunately, you don't always get anything out of a relationship even if you do put the time and effort into it.
 
Guys thank you so much for this great discussion.

I hope this doesn't just help me but others too, who have a similar problem.

I really apreciate the advices and suggestions you gave me.
 
Maybe someone should make a musician dating site. Probably some good money to be made there.
Well there are dating sites geared towards people of a particular musical inclination:

http://www.hardrockdating.com/

Not a well thought out business model if you ask me. Most of the musicians I know are poor, and if they have any money spend it on gear. Those that aren't poor are also in a relationship.
Here's a few sites I'd rival with targeting the same broke-ass market:
starvingartistdinnerandamovieminusdinner.com
hobohookups.org
trailerparkspark.com
 
I'm quite fond of beerandchilinutsforaromanticdinner.com and toobrokeforcinemasowewatchtv.com.
 
lets put it this way. i used to just play drums, constantly. nothing else. i recently found a lady and it chilled me out A LOT. to the point where i no longer feel like taking an axe into a tescos and pulling a nicholson.

p.s. i set her on a wall last week (she was drunk) and she fell off and chipped 2 teeth. for valentines day i've bought her an electric toothbrush. :D the funniest thing is i met her mum this weekend and she thought i was a "nice guy". very cool lady.
 
Even apart from drumming, we don't have time in our lives for everything.
We always have to choose. I think that's a good thing, because we learn
what's important to us.

My experience: Sometimes I kind of wish I was alone, to have more time
and freedom for my own things, like practicing. But my girl definitely made
me more mature, more responsible, and all around a better person I think.
And as if that wouldn't be enough on its own, those attributes are definitely
helping as a musician, too :).

We shouldn't forget: Being successful as a drummer doesn't just mean
having practiced like crazy and being the fastest, the most complex and
most skillful drummer. It can, but it doesn't guarantee anything, nor does
it mean as much as we think.
 
We shouldn't forget: Being successful as a drummer doesn't just mean
having practiced like crazy and being the fastest, the most complex and
most skillful drummer. It can, but it doesn't guarantee anything, nor does
it mean as much as we think.

I totally agree with this. :)
 
...

I think you are mixing up two issues here. I think you are shy and need a little achoholic bolstering to feel comfortable around girls- not an unusual phenomenon at all - AND that you want to pin it on music being the reason that you might be a little socially awkward.

Sorry to play online armchair psychiatrist but this is what it looks like from where I am.

I think if you approach this with a healthy attitude and get yourself comfortable and natural around members of the opposite sex, music and women dont need to be at odds with each other. Heck you might get lucky with an awesome chick bass player.. ( I mean that musically, of course )

For further tips, please hit up Swiss Mathais on how to hadle this locally.


...
 
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I think if you approach this with a healthy attitude and get yourself comfortable and natural around members of the opposite sex, music and women dont need to be at odds with each other. Heck you might get lucky with an awesome chick bass player.. ( I mean that musically, of course )

I wouldn't hold your breath though, I've been trying that one for the past 6 years :p
 
I love Drums...But Women! You can hug & kiss them...So I love them both. :)
 
I love Drums...But Women! You can hug & kiss them...So I love them both. :)

How true. But it is only a matter of time before someone points out that you can hug and kiss drums as well. But the real point is that women can hug and kiss you back.

There is nothing more important in life than the personal relationships you make. Those are truly the only things worth cherishing.
 
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