Why is it so hard...

rogue_drummer

Gold Member
to find good, decent, bandmates? It's easier to find a wife or significant other than it is to find a comfortable, compatable band. A few years ago in this area there was a band called the Zen Motor Orchestra that we gigged with on occasion. Then they split because of issues several had with others in the band. Yet these guys went out to concerts together, played frisbee football together, but couldn't play music together? Come on!

The band I just left - all got together and ate during rehearsals and chowed down. Someone would bring BBQ or pizza,or someone grilled chicken breasts or whatever, the wives all got along great and talked while the guys were rehearsing, etc. But we can't play music together now because what started off as several ppl just "getting together for fun" turned into a business all of a sudden and the material even had to be nailed perfectly - even in rehearsals. When there was a probelm musically it wasn't discussed, no guidance was given, etc.

That's something I'll never understand.

A coupla guys I know who are much more experienced than I and have played music a lot longer and been in many more bands have told me they've lost count at the number of times they've been fired or "replaced" because someone's ego, fickleness, wanting to change directions, bad management, personality, etc. One gal even told me she was fired from a successful band because she knew more music theory than the band leader did and he felt "threatened".

Sorry to bring this up again in another thread, but man this stuff is getting old. Almost like being back in junior high and all the idiodic cliques and stuff....
 
That's why they say some of the best musicians are sitting at home. Maybe they just gave up.
The ego stuff, not communicating, not working used to drive me nuts. I've never been the best drummer around, and cetainly not the worst, but I cared, I got along, I was positive and ready to learn. I saw that in very few band mates.

Way back, I constantly said, we need to be recording these practices. I guess it was just too much to ask. Besides, I was just the drummer.

If I gig again it will be with an established band or I'll run an ad saying this is what I'd like and this is what I won't accept.
 
Thank you, Resohead. I can agree 100%.

Last weekend I got invited to sit in and jam on a recording session at a friend's house. Really good musicians were there and I was honored to even be asked. (I'm certainly not the best drummer by any stretch but not the absolute worst either, lol.) I found out later that my friend who hosted left his successful band that played the corporate gigs because of two new singers the band hired that were so forceful and egocentric that he got tired of it. He was one of the founding members of the band is the sad part.
 
Rouge, after reading about all your difficulties finding a decent band, why don't you start a band and have guys audition for you?
 
I'm in a decent working band with great band-mates. My band-leader who happens to play guitar too, (what a presumable nightmare), is great! At the same time, since my girlfriend and I broke up, I haven't had much luck with a significant other.
 
You only marry one person, who in optimal circumstances is the ultimate in compatibility for a specific person. Two would be certainly pushing it. Three is unthinkable. I don't know how five- or six-person bands do it.
 
If I knew the answer, I would be in a really awesome band right now.

I have been in numerous bands, but it's difficult to keep them together. Something always seems to get in the way.
 
If I knew the answer, I would be in a really awesome band right now.

I have been in numerous bands, but it's difficult to keep them together. Something always seems to get in the way.

Families and 'real' jobs. We all need to start living in vans and mooching off chicks (or dude's).
 
Families and 'real' jobs. We all need to start living in vans and mooching off chicks (or dude's).

Family, women, alcohol, ego, frustration, other opportunities. They all tend to suck away bands members.

Ever see the movie Black Swan? And how the main character is so driven to succeed, she literally drives herself crazy? Yeah, I've seen that happen too.
 
caddy do you know Rienhard Melz? I rally like his drumming. I think he's from Portland.
 
I also find this tough. Me and a few friends started up a band but we can't find a guitarist or vocalist... It's pretty hard, hopefully one day...

We work well together, but we just struggle to find people who are interested to work and create music we like or come up with. We combine lots of our favourite styles and bands into our music, like latin, jazz and prog and it kinda works. But again, we need to work a little more and hopefully get a singer and other guitarist, soon!
 
around here, there is kind of a (revolving door) of muscicians, that go by 4-5 different names, and there's at least 3 people for each instrument. so people come and go, due to drama, but the core of the "thing" is always playing somewhere....kind of hard to explain, but it works.
 
Yes. He lives 10 minutes away from me. I bow down to his drumming skills. :)

I wanted to hear some old Gino Vannelli on youtube and that's when I found him. I love his chops..drumming. I also saw a jazz trio he was recording with. I don't remember their name but the song is called Boomerangst and is awesome.

I contacted him on fb I think..maybe his website. I hope I wasn't too complimentary and came off looking like a lunatic but he was a nice guy. He has a brother here in Austin that is a very good percussionist.
 
I'm in several bands (6 to be exact). Luckily, there aren't any major issues in any of them. I live in Portland, which is a pretty laid-back town, so that might have something to do with the lack of drama...

Well, you have good beer, great coffee and wild doughnuts, so yeah, nothing to stress over. LOL
 
we can't play music together now because what started off as several ppl just "getting together for fun" turned into a business all of a sudden and the material even had to be nailed perfectly - even in rehearsals. When there was a probelm musically it wasn't discussed, no guidance was given, etc.

This is usually the crux of the matter: people who don't know what they want are rarely going to be satisfied. I have lost count of the number of bands I've been in where what started as a really fun energetic rock band soon became humourless shoegazing indie wank or where the thing they liked so much about my playing in the first place was the thing that got me canned 18 months later: there was one guy who was very keen to have a really loose Tom Waits/Jug band/earthy blues feel when I auditioned for the band and I was more than happy to play with that kind of feel; by the time we parted company we had been playing and recording the same half dozen tunes over and over for about 6 months with an obsessive attention to detail in an attempt to get them absolutely perfect, though they never really changed much from the first time we played them.

I have found the best way to minimise problems is to learn as much as possible about drums, sheet music, guitars, pianos, amps, microphones, mixing desks, studios, producers, promoters . . . whatever. If you have a good idea about what you want and what you like and can comfortably express that then that's a good place to start. It isn't always easy to spot a wrong'un in a band situation right from the word go as people tend to be on their best behaviour when meeting band mates for the first time; but deep down we have all probably known the point where things turned bad or boring yet for some reason allowed it to struggle on unchecked for months before inevitably falling apart.

If this realisation comes before it's too late then I say for your own sake talk about it quickly. If the others are grown up enough then may be it can be worked out. If not, then jump back on the horse ASAP and start again - unless there's money involved . . . but it sounds like you're not talking about that kind of band. I know in some parts of the world it's hard to find anyone to play with and beggars can't be choosers etc but music really should be fun. If I'm not having fun and I'm not getting paid then there's no point at all.

I feel for you and I have often been tempted to stick with a crappy band for fear of being alone in the wilderness - but every second spent trapped in band like that is time that could be spent with someone out there who is right for you: go get 'em.

Good luck and HAVE FUN.
 
This is usually the crux of the matter: people who don't know what they want are rarely going to be satisfied. I have lost count of the number of bands I've been in where what started as a really fun energetic rock band soon became humourless shoegazing indie wank.

Brilliant. Just brilliant. I've never heard this process so well described.
 
This is usually the crux of the matter:
.
Yes, great post!

I'm lucky enough to be in a band that really gets on well personally & musically. That said, it's been through a couple of changes to get to this place. I realise just how precious a good band is, especially one that can balance all the individuals requirements, whilst still being musically gratifying.
 
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