Band wives and female patrons

Man, I don't think our singer needs to be reminded of potential for lost gigs, I'm sure he knows full well. The ball is in his court. I'm steering clear here. I couldn't keep it in, and thought that someone here maybe had a similar scenario that I could learn from.

Even talking to the singer about the problem with his wife is a potential minefield. He is cool and would probably have to agree that it is detrimantal but I'm not gonna start that conversation. The only thing I can safely do is hope he gets his wife in line.

Good move Larry. I once made the mistake of talking to a bandmate's wife about band issues, the bandmate "quit" the band the next week.

Just hope she gets in line and pray no one lands on your drums!
 
Larry if you were like me and played with a bunch of old, fat guys (including myself on that remark) you wouldn't have these troubles.

+1 to this just check the my place thread with our bands x-mas song....probably why I'm on the other side of this as most.....we do get asked for autograghs more for the ladies kids.... we sell shirts and they always ask to have them signed...my wife come up to me Sat. night after the gig while I was breaking my set down and asked for a signed set of sticks for the woman (she just met)that was with her.. the lady wanted them for her son...all was good even a thank-you hug..but if it would of went to a thank you kiss it would of been a whole new game..
 
Our band doesn't have that problem...

Plus from where I sit, I'm hidden behind the drums....not that anyone would want me anyway!
 
Not once but twice? That's bad on him. He should have been able to read the signs and in one way or another it sounds like he invited it. My wife would also flip out because she knows that crap just doesn't happen. What a great tear down/ride home that would be lol.
 
I disagree, I think you have to say something.

+1.

You guys are WORKING. Wives either chill while you're working or they stay home, is my simplistic view. This is the sort of stuff that costs gigs Larry. You wouldn't let a wife wander into your regular place of employment and start throwing her weight around. Very uncool for mine.

Different story if the singer was caught in a compromising position with the barmaid in the band room, but an innocent kiss while entertaining drunken revellers? The sort of over reaction that makes a band look unprofessional, for mine.

Agree it's a hard one, but it needs to be dealt with. I'd just say to the singer straight up, that his missus has to pull her head in and allow you guys to do your thing, or she doesn't come anymore.
 
You're playing music in a party atmosphere where women are known to be present, consuming alcohol, and generally trying to have a good time. A musician's wife should understand this and also, understand that she's married and that involves trust. If she's this insecure, she should stay home or find a hobby of her own, to consume her time and thoughts. If she can't trust her husband or tolerate the idea that he'd be around women, she may have married the wrong person. That's their business, not yours...but she definitely should not be showing up to gigs and behaving like a Jerry Springer guest, inflicting that drama on the rest of you and the public.
 
The guitar player in the band, who goes back a lot further with the singer than I do, I'm sure he has some thoughts on this issue. If anyone would be safe raising the topic, it would be him. And to the singers defense, he does nothing to incite this kind of behavior. He's a really nice devoted man who remains neutral, and neither incites or discourages this type of behavior, as he should as a professional entertainer. The angry wife (of the singer) is a bartender, who gets hit on too, but isn't the recipient of insecure behavior from our singer. Things are always different when the reverse happens. I don't go for double standards or hypocrisy, but in this case I have to bite my lip. As far as the singer verbally telling the kisser to back down, I don't think the stage is the proper place to get all noble. It was just a harmless kiss that escalated into a battle of wills. People really need to lighten up. She should be more concerned about what she doesn't see instead of harmless revelry that's right in front of her face.
I'd like to hear a female POV here.
Monica! Malti! Grea! Beastdrummagirl! Grannydrums! Bobdadrumma! (sorry Bob couldn't resist, love ya man) Come out come out wherever you are!
 
Larry, maybe it's a good time to find a second band as insurance in case this one gets too messy? I don't see it as a male / female issue - more a redneck / civilised person issue. There are ways to voice displeasure without carrying on like an animal.

Not sure I'd say anything at this stage. It's one incident. If it happens again then if anything is said it should be a united front with the other neutral member together highlighting the problem to the singer and gently discussing the problem and what can be done.

Strangely enough, we haven't had any women throwing themselves at our singer! Can you believe that? :) Sadly, no men have been throwing themselves at me either ...
 
I suppose saying anything may "Yoko" the situation. You may piss off the singer by "saying something about his wife". Not fun, dude.

My wife plays keys and sings lead in my band. Our philosophy has ALWAYS been "you are on your own" if the opposite sex comes on to you, smacks one on you, flashes her b@@bies, or asks you home. Period. I believe while working, IN A ROCK AND ROLL BAND, you are "working in a rock band"!! Stuff happens all the time.

If she can't handle herself she needs to split. Hubby should be calling her out on this as it made the whole band look stupid and it's his wife. Now if you were to say anything, you may approach the others in the band and have the senior member say something, as suggested.
 
I suppose saying anything may "Yoko" the situation. You may piss off the singer by "saying something about his wife". Not fun, dude.

True......although you may lose your gig by staying silent too.

Which would you prefer?

"OK, I can speak now and get the singer razzled because I questioned the sheer amatuerism of his missus' antics and what a pathetic display of petty jealousy it really was......OR.....I could make sure I have a gig next week and the band act and look like pro's".

Hmmm...I know which path I'd choose. :)
 
On second thoughts, if no one says a thing about next rehearsal it will leave a very large elephant in the room. I suspect Mrs Bono is a lot more mature, trusting and relaxed.
 
There is nothing you can do about this; but it sure was funny to read! I know it isn't funny when it's happening to you, but it was funny to read!

Larry, there really is nothing you can do about this. You see, there is no such thing as a secure woman; they are all insecure and they love to compete against each other. The reason the lead singer's wife is attracted to him is the very thing which makes her insecure. One other rule - All women know who's the prettiest woman in the room!

I always hoped and prayed a particular frontman's wife would never get my phone number and start asking me questions about what was really going on out on the road. Apparently, one of my predecessors was a snitch and would call her with details of who, what, where and when.

There is absolutley nothing you can do; it is a person matter between the two of them. And this coming from a drummer who used to work with one of the best con artists in the world!

It sucks, I know and it's unprofessional. But your singer HAS to appeal to women - they are the customer! And no, the smokin' hot woman didn't complain - she more than likely bragged how she made out with the singer of the band right in front of his wife - remember - women love to compete!


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Larry, there really is nothing you can do about this. You see, there is no such thing as a secure woman; they are all insecure and they love to compete against each other. The reason the lead singer's wife is attracted to him is the very thing which makes her insecure. One other rule - All women know who's the prettiest woman in the room!

Ahem. If your partner was a singer and some hot young stud started pawing at her on stage and kissed her on the lips (with no protest from your partner), would that make you feel a little weird?

Not that this justifies violent, redneck behaviour. Just saying ...
 
I have been kissed a lot in the past 56 years. But I have NEVER been kissed by any girl I didnt want to be kissed by. Ever. Do not lead with your lips when the wife is there. This is a basic truth. This situation should never have happened.
 
Hope I don't sound like a dinosaur, but I personally don't enjoy WAGS (English term for wives and girlfriends) coming to gigs.

My current bar band got back together recently after we split up in the 90s.

Back in the day, it was a male-only night out as the five of us would pile into the van, with a couple of roadies, and take off into the night. There was a great camerarderie, team spirit and I had some of the best times and laughs of my life.

Now, we all arrive separately with WAGS in tow, generally sit separately, and there's definitely a slightly cliquey, slightly uneasy atmosphere. The camerarderie has gone.

I still enjoy playing gigs, but it's just not the same. Maybe it's called getting older!

(This isn't at all a dig at women - just my personal experience with my band lately...)
 
Ahem. If your partner was a singer and some hot young stud started pawing at her on stage and kissed her on the lips (with no protest from your partner), would that make you feel a little weird?

Not that this justifies violent, redneck behaviour. Just saying ...

That is truly understated. Only thing ever to provoke violence in me, and only once 30 years ago, was rude behavior towards my wife. And I mean VERY rude. She is considerate enough to see that it doesnt happen anymore and she has the power. I think lover boy front man effed up. I also think it's unlikely to ever happen again. If he didnt learn from that episode and no doubt the continuing love fest at home, then he is not very bright. This stuff does nothing to give his wife a warm fuzzy feeling about him playing without her there as well. Husbands job is to keep wifey comfy and confident and visa versa. He could have avoided the situation without question and he chose not to. Hope he is enjoying the resulting lunatic wife. It will be a long time before she settles down.
 
So there is a reason why we are put at the back after all!

Wow sounds like a tough situation but to be honest with you, I don't blame the woman for going off it, after all it's her partner and the person she loves and this other woman just wanted to pour salt in the wound after she had warned her off. God help the woman that would kiss me during a gig.

If it's happened 3 times, your singer just must be irresistible.

I can see this being a problem for the band though, I think it is up to your singer to talk to his partner and to reassure her that there is no harm in it and that if it happens again, nothing is going to come of it.

I wouldn't make a big deal out of it with your singer but you could just say, 'have you sorted things with your wife?' It might trigger him to think about it differently in terms of affecting the band.
 
You see, there is no such thing as a secure woman; they are all insecure...

I'm no expert on the subject, but I feel as though a woman feeling insecure has more to do with how guys make her feel than any competitive nature they may have.
 
I think lover boy front man effed up.............

He could have avoided the situation without question and he chose not to.

Jim, if the singer was in the middle of a vocal and a dancing girl took it upon herself to saunter over and cheek kiss him, how can that be his fault? And how could this have been avoided? His eyes were closed and she took him by surprise.

I am with the singer, he has no control over what other people do. So you're saying that after the first kiss he should have told her to cool her jets? Not sure if I agree w/ that either, bad business. I think it's all wifeys issue. I wonder how many times Bon Jovi told the girls to back off when they gave kisses. I think that would be rude, here's a fan who loves you and you tell her to cool it...bad business IMO.

Actually, if I was the singer, after the "challenge" kiss was made, I would have taken his wife to the side (knowing how she was going to react) and asked or instructed HER to not escalate the situation. Instead, he just kept singing. By him doing nothing, (meaning not telling the kisser to back off) he made his wife even angrier, so much so that she (the wife) threw her drink straw at her husband (our singer) in front of everybody.

I do like JT1's suggestion about asking the singer if he "sorted out the problem with his wife". As long as that question comes from the guitarist, not me lol. I will be talking to the guitarist privately, I haven't done that yet, to see what his thoughts are. He has no problem taking a stand, to his credit.
 
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