Things a Drummer would never say:

A packet of guitar strings please.

I usually have to ask if the guitar players need strings and stuff before a show. And even worse, before a recording slot.

"Oh, yea, these are pretty old! ... Can you grab me some ernies"?
 
"5 6 7 8". - every dancer at my school counts in like this.

Sorry man, I actually have 1 song with 1 band that has a break in the middle where I count "6, 7, 8" out loud. lol. It's more for showy-ness though. Lots of yelling and such in the song itself to get the crowd going.

Here's a few:

"I Loved Whiplash"

"It's cool, set you beer on my Floor Tom, it's meant to be a table"
 
"Oh. It's an all day punkathon for charity. A 30 minute set you say? Unpaid you say? 10 minutes between bands you say? Great exposure for the band huh? I gotta bring my breakables you say? Makes it easy you say?....Course I'd love to do it...I love these kinds of gigs guys"
 
Oh, there are another 4 bands playing before us at the same festival and the young thrash and metal drummers have asked if they can use my kit?

Me: No problem at all... I'm happy to get their extra early! Tell them they don't even need to bring their cymbals and snare as I'm more than happy for them to use mine! Come to think of it, if any of them have specific set up and tuning requirements, they can go right ahead and do what they need to do!
 
Is there a way to soundproof my practice room? Oh sorry, never mind...
 
"Oh. It's an all day punkathon for charity. A 30 minute set you say? Unpaid you say? 10 minutes between bands you say? Great exposure for the band huh? I gotta bring my breakables you say? Makes it easy you say?....Course I'd love to do it...I love these kinds of gigs guys"

Sounds like most of the gigs I've done. But without the punk element. In fact, the most recent, unpaid, charity festival gig I played I was in such a rush to get off that I slipped down the stage steps and injured the heel of my bass drum foot. Still played a gig the next day though. A rush to get off because the next band were already on stage and staring at me as if to say, 'Jeez, how much longer is this bloke going to be?'
 
"Hang on, I'll stop setting up my drums for a minute and help with the PA."
 
"So you're saying that we can play on your stage for 25 minutes if we pay you $600 dollars? Sign me up!"



Ah, crap. I actually have said that.

Jim_Carrey_Dumb-and-Dumber-Inside.jpg
 
"Yes, I could really use the help from you guys in disassembling my drum kit and hardware.

Oh, also would it be too much to ask if you could lift the cymbals off their stands and put them into their cymbal bags?"
 
I actually liked Whiplash and know of at least one more drummer who also did.

I'll admit, I have NOT seen the movie. And Probably will not.

I was asked so frequently if I had seen it that it eventually put me off and I got rebellious about it.

I DID see the big drum solo at the end where he starts bleeding... ugh, seriously? Sorry, but if you start bleeding from playing a fast jazz solo you have shit technique. It's just not possible. AND I love seeing someone clearly playing Hi Hats while I hear Ride on the track, or vise versa. The film editor obviously didn't know anything about drums.
 
"Whiplash" hit too close to home. He was just like my college professor. His nickname was "King Richard."

And you just KNOW that kid died broke and drunk and full of heroin at the age of 34. They don't spell it out, but I have this suspicion that's where he headed.
 
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