Things a Drummer would never say:

(While / after playing a pattern on the cowbell)

"More cowbell! Ahhahahaha...I've never heard that one before!!!"
 
"This is the first time someone has tagged me in that video on Facebook!"

"Yes, I will gladly muffle my kit and cymbals by whatever means possible to keep it quiet"

"I don't think there's enough duct tape on there yet, the drums just don't sound natural"

"My monitor mix is perfect, first time, every time."

"See all those dents in my heads? That's why my drums sound so amazing."

"I love when the singer kicks the kick mic stand and tears the head. I have way too many spare front heads just taking up space."

"That microphone won't get in my way at all."

"I've never hit a microphone."

"They gave me plenty of notice to learn this setlist."

"Please don't remove your scrotum from my ride cymbal." (Based on true events)
 
Ok, we might need some details on the scrotum story. :)
 
Haha, nothing much. Just was in a band as a teenager and the singer decided it would be funny to flop it out and put it on my ride cymbal during a practice. I was not impressed.
 
Sure, just slide around that clip-on microphone until it is in a position that suits you perfectly : Those scratches on my snare make it look vintage and my left hand does not need to be so much to the left.
 
"Wow, I agree. That 3 year old kid playing System of a Down is just incredible! Thanks for showing me. I want to quit drums so I can change the kid's diaper."
 
"Sure you can use my equipment without (at least) a boiler plate contract initially reviewed by a lawyer in your region, established fees and reasonable deposit."

..hmmm...maybe this is more a 'Thing drummers SHOULDN'T say'.
 
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