any help for a hot, fat guy....

Jonny Sumo

Senior Member
and by 'hot' I do not mean sexually attractive...its 32+degrees in Lincolnshire, I am sat in the shade outside, watching the Ashes (cricket) on TV thru the open conservatory door. I am wearing a loose training vest and leopardskin thong, I have taken a cool shower and sprayed deodorant on my under boob area, I am drinking a very cold pint of Strongbow cider but I am still too damn hot!!
Any guidance from those in more often hot areas?? cos this is killing me....tho to be honest, its nice that its not raining.....toodles, J
 
Tie a wet bandana around your neck, and keep refreshing it.
 
Thank you Magenta...sadly tho, I have no neck...my head simply sits atop my shoulders supported by tyre like fatty rolls....I will try and force a scarf into my sweaty folds...Thanks again :)

(just slipped that extra communication symbol in there, I hope you noticed??)
 
Get a large planting tub. Fill with water, ice and cans of beer. Fill with yourself.

Enjoy the Ashes. Current score Australia 86-5, chasing 361...
would have to be a hell of a size of planting tub bro......My other issue is that the thong seems to have been ingested somehow; no external trace....as for the cricket; do I feel a follow on coming on?? c'mon England..
 
Thank you Magenta...sadly tho, I have no neck...my head simply sits atop my shoulders supported by tyre like fatty rolls....I will try and force a scarf into my sweaty folds...Thanks again :)

(just slipped that extra communication symbol in there, I hope you noticed??)

I did indeed ;)

A towel over your shoulders would do the trick too.

My other issue is that the thong seems to have been ingested somehow; no external trace

I had been going to ask for a photo, but there's no need now. Your words paint the picture more eloquently than any photo possibly could.
 
1. Go Inside

2. Turn on air conditioner

3. Bask in glory of before mentioned air conditioner
Thank you my American friend...sadly A/C is not a usual option in England...we consider 'opening a window' as 'air conditioning' over here...Thank you for your input tho..
 
I did indeed ;)

A towel over your shoulders would do the trick too.



I had been going to ask for a photo, but there's no need now. Your words paint the picture more eloquently than any photo possibly could.
I am so pleased that I have touched your imagination and fuelled your fantasy Magenta...be assured that the reality is so worse than your imaginings my dear....Toodles..:D..
 
Not something we tend to have in the UK. Especially not in residences. Probably for the best too, given the price of electricity.


I think you're a little closer than Magenta bro, could you pop along and help me retrive this thong??...don't know where the damned thing's gone...
 
If it's anything like mine, you'll have indigestion in about three days.
sometimes on the internet one finds a soulmate...welcome my brother; BacteriumFendYoke...god bless ya, sweet master..
 
I've always been here. My name in an anagram...
Hot Fuzz quote dude? I don't do Countdown...I also noticed that someone below is offering proper advice on hot weather care etc.....laters dude...
 
Not something we tend to have in the UK. Especially not in residences. Probably for the best too, given the price of electricity.

Weird. We love our A/C around here! Maybe that also explains why my buddies nice new volvo has like the worst A/C I've ever seen. My nice american car will blast me with sub-zero freezing air all day long!
 
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