How best to kick some one out of the band?

matthew

Senior Member
I need to tell a friend that he won't be the vocalist for a new band that I have started.

He is a friend but not a really close one, so I want to try and keep him a friend.

The reason for kicking him out could seem horrible, but it is because he is not good enough. It's not that he doesn't show interest, passion, or put in the work (if he didn't do those things, it would be easy), but rather vocally he just doesn't cut it.

If he played another instrument and we needed it I would recommend he do that instead. But unfortunately he doesn't.

I need to tell him this soon too, as I have left it for about 2 days days too long now... its dragging on...

Any advice or questions?
 
Don't wait any longer. That wastes not only your time but also the other persons. Just be up front with it, be honest & direct. Don't be a dick or be condescending but you have to do it. If its not going to work then the longer it drags on the worse it will be.
 
thanks for that. just made the call..

went pretty well. i said:

a lot of the guys agree that the vocals were lacking last week, but i want to give you a fair chance and i know the amp we used wasnt great, you probably couldnt hear yourself and you were late which probably put you in a bad mindset. lets try again next week and we will see how it goes.

he was cool about it, infact he said he agreed. so its done.

thanks for you help,

sorry it was too quick to let any one else give advice!
 
Dude, are you sure you kicked him out? 'Cause it sounds like you're giving him another shot next week.

It should go something like this:

Hey man, to be perfectly blunt and not beat around the bush, you're just not working out with us. We have a very good idea of what we should sound like and you're just not where we need you to be, musically.

And he would ask, "wha...what??? What-do-ya-mean?????"

And then you need to be brutally honest:

"Dude, we think you SUCK!!!!!" Now, quit wasting our time, if you wanna hang out, help us carry our gear to gigs and maybe do beer runs for us during practice that's cool but you can't hold a note in a bucket and you certainly can't carry our band anymore"

That's just an example of how it's done so that there's no question of your intent. Probably how i would handle the sitch.






Just for clarification, the second part was just A JOKE, People, just chill out. I would definitely say the first part just about verbatim up to the "not where we need you to be, musically" part.
 
Last edited:
I was honest.

i was planning on having him back for next week anyway.

I have told him what every one is thinking, and that next week he will either sing well or we will kick him out... that's what I have said, and its true.

if I wasn't a mate with the guy I would have told him no straight away, but he knows that he might possible not be in the band after next week and i wanted to make sure he felt that he has a fair go.

thanks for your input so far!
 
Dude, are you sure you kicked him out? 'Cause it sounds like you're giving him another shot next week.

It should go something like this:

Hey man, to be perfectly blunt and not beat around the bush, you're just not working out with us. We have a very good idea of what we should sound like and you're just not where we need you to be, musically.

And he would ask, "wha...what??? What-do-ya-mean?????"

And then you need to be brutally honest:

"Dude, we think you SUCK!!!!!" Now, quit wasting our time, if you wanna hang out, help us carry our gear to gigs and maybe do beer runs for us during practice that's cool but you can't hold a note in a bucket and you certainly can't carry our band anymore"

That's just an example of how it's done so that there's no question of your intent. Probably how i would handle the sitch.
That seems a little harsh. Funny, but harsh. You can help us carry our gear and do beer runs? Are you for real?

I had to fire a guitar player about a month ago. Not because he isn't a good player but because he was a jerk and made being in a band not fun. I just asked him if he had respect for the other guys in the band because he sure didn't act like it. In the end, I told him to shape up or ship out. He ended up shipping out. He offered to stick with us for a little while longer to cover some dates but I told him we already had a guy on standby. That felt good.
 
LOL we has a guitar player who was just awful but super nice and mild mannered. when I told him he was out he rattled off some resume about how great and musically educated he is and said everybody in the band sucks (except me, who made the phone call). It was f'n hilarious because it was so ironic and unexpected.
 
LOL we has a guitar player who was just awful but super nice and mild mannered. when I told him he was out he rattled off some resume about how great and musically educated he is and said everybody in the band sucks (except me, who made the phone call). It was f'n hilarious because it was so ironic and unexpected.

That's another thing, it should always be FACE TO FACE. Not over the phone, not an email or text, and not as a notification on Myspace (Which by the way, if that member has access to your myspace account ALWAYS CHANGE THE PASSWORDS TO YOUR SOCIAL NETWORKS BEFORE YOU AXE THAT MEMBER- Myspace, Facebook, etc.- Trust me on that!!!!)
 
Dude, are you sure you kicked him out? 'Cause it sounds like you're giving him another shot next week.

It should go something like this:

Hey man, to be perfectly blunt and not beat around the bush, you're just not working out with us. We have a very good idea of what we should sound like and you're just not where we need you to be, musically.

And he would ask, "wha...what??? What-do-ya-mean?????"

And then you need to be brutally honest:

"Dude, we think you SUCK!!!!!" Now, quit wasting our time, if you wanna hang out, help us carry our gear to gigs and maybe do beer runs for us during practice that's cool but you can't hold a note in a bucket and you certainly can't carry our band anymore"

That's just an example of how it's done so that there's no question of your intent. Probably how i would handle the sitch.

Honestly, diosdude, If I were gonna kick someone out of a band, I WOULDN'T do it this way...especially face-to-face. NO WAY, Jose'! Not the way I would handle the "sitch". There's always a way to be civil about it, and this way would never work. Though, I DO agree that you have to be honest about it. Just NOT this cruel.

But with your most recent post above, I absolutely agree with you 100%! No doubt about it.
 
I've been watching this thread with interest to see how people approached it. I've never kicked anyone out of a band. Instead I just left if I felt it wasn't what I wanted or I had a better offer.

I guess I didn't have the balls. Not sure what excuse some of my male former bandmates' would use, though ...

Dios is just engaging in a little artistic licence IMO. If someone sucks, then why play with them in the first place? Unless, of course, the band sucks in general, in which case you'd want to choose your words a bit more carefully - maybe something like "Dood, you suck more than we do".

The rules sound similar to relationship breakups - be straightforward, do it face-to-face, don't be cruel, give best wishes. Reading Dios's response makes me almost wish I was a metal-head. It sounds like an uncomplicated way of life :)
 
I've been watching this thread with interest to see how people approached it. I've never kicked anyone out of a band. Instead I just left if I felt it wasn't what I wanted or I had a better offer.

I guess I didn't have the balls. Not sure what excuse some of my male former bandmates' would use, though ...

Dios is just engaging in a little artistic licence IMO. If someone sucks, then why play with them in the first place? Unless, of course, the band sucks in general, in which case you'd want to choose your words a bit more carefully - maybe something like "Dood, you suck more than we do".

The rules sound similar to relationship breakups - be straightforward, do it face-to-face, don't be cruel, give best wishes. Reading Dios's response makes me almost wish I was a metal-head. It sounds like an uncomplicated way of life :)

There is never any reason to insult...Telling someone they suck is an insult....

Being professional is what it's about...A simple, "It's not working out" would be better...

The insult can get the individual fired up!! We once told a guitarist it wasn't working and he decided to handle it immaturely threatening to bust up all the gear in the studio...

We simply told him he wouldn't like the outcome as there are 3 of us and only one of him for one, and the police will handle the rest...

He left without a problem...
 
With common courtesy but firm. Please, can you leave?
 
tell him that he isn't right for the band that you want to play in? if he actually gets angry because of this then there's something wrong with him. if he's a proper musician then he'll just go and join another band anyway. maybe he already has other bands he can play with that you don't know about? (i didn't read the rest of the thread).

be sincere and say sorry like you mean it.
 
THIS. IS. SPARTA.

LOL

You see, it's like this ... you know I love you to bits. You're awesome. Just that ... look, I'm sorry. It's not you - it's me. The band has been through a rough time and we're just not ready to commit to you right now. Another time, another place, who knows? But for now we just really need our space, maybe jam with other people.

Really, you're a wonderful human being and I'm sure you will make another band very happy.

PS. I think Dios's approach is more kind :)
 
Honestly, diosdude, If I were gonna kick someone out of a band, I WOULDN'T do it this way...especially face-to-face. NO WAY, Jose'! Not the way I would handle the "sitch". There's always a way to be civil about it, and this way would never work. Though, I DO agree that you have to be honest about it. Just NOT this cruel.

But with your most recent post above, I absolutely agree with you 100%! No doubt about it.

Ah... 'tis a much CRUELER thing to let someone float through life wasting other artist's time because of DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR. Hey, some people can bounce back, work harder and practice more and the "how-do-ya-like-me-now?" motivation could be just what they need. It has been my experience though that when it comes to vocalists/ singers, as in the case of the original poster, you've either got it or you don't. No amount of practice is going to make a truly poor singer into a great one so the best thing to do to those people is shut them down and crush any singing ambitions from their heart-of-hearts. You see THOSE people at nickel beer Karaoke every Tuesday at the Come On Inn.
 
Back
Top