How to write a music ad

Deathmetalconga

Platinum Member
I like checking out the musician wanted ads in the local alternative weekly paper because some are just hilarious. I have written some and responded to others over the years.

Here is my guide:

1. Start by saying you’re professional and experienced. Even if (especially if) you’re a diaper punk with a FirstAct instrument.
2. Remember, your friends and former bandmates will read this, so use it to bolster your street cred.
3. The cover vs. original band issue is crucial. No one wants to admit they’re in a cover band, but it’s the only way to earn a living for most musicians. Finesse it as best you can.
4. Always ask for a cellist. It’ll make you seem pretty avant-garde, but there are never any in town so you won’t need to worry about actually having to play with one.
5. Say you need people with the right “look” and “attitude,” like tattoos and a nose-to-anus chain piercing.
6. Under influences, mention the most obscure bands possible. Make names up if you want, since no one will have heard of them anyway. A common made-up band name is Sunny Day Real Estate.
7. Always specify that you need people who actually have instruments and a way to move them around.
8. Say you need people with a professional attitude, but always give a goofy contact name.

Example:
Experienced multi-instrumentalist ISO cello, bass and drums for original New Age death metal cover band. Must have several tribal bicep tats and large drum set with symbols. Influences: Banghammer 12, Spunkmuffin 17, The Breast Augmenters, Descended Testicle, Putrid Smell, Satan’s Chum, Sunny Day Real Estate. Must have own gear and transportation and a professional attitude. Call Shorty or Biff at 123-4567.
 
If its alright with you, I'm taking the name Spunkmuffin for our 3 piece outfit. Kinda defines the music.
 
Awesome post DMC!!!

I'm often tempted to write a post and put on Craigslist titled "Why your band still doesn't have a drummer"
 
haha. nice. But i don't get the part about "Sunny Day Real Estate". That's a real band... Or is that some kind of inside joke or knock on them?
 
Even if (especially if) you’re a diaper punk with a FirstAct instrument.





Example:
Experienced multi-instrumentalist ISO cello, bass and drums for original New Age death metal cover band. Must have several tribal bicep tats and large drum set with symbols. Influences: Banghammer 12, Spunkmuffin 17, The Breast Augmenters, Descended Testicle, Putrid Smell, Satan’s Chum, Sunny Day Real Estate. Must have own gear and transportation and a professional attitude. Call Shorty or Biff at 123-4567.

Why you gotta knock my set man? I put Aquarians on it..Damn stool keeps falling over though ; P
LOL..Thats just hilarious. Its funny 'cus its so true. I d send you to the Myspace page of the last band that contacted me but it would just be too mean.
 
Or I can just tell you.... Look up "Old Man Savage" on Myspace and enjoy. I ll spare the e-mail for my own enjoyment. Nice guy but c'mon... for real?
 
If there was such thing as truth in craigslist, ads would read something like:

Drummer needed.
Must be creative in coming up with different beats, because all our songs have the same guitar rhythms, and someone needs to make our songs sound different.

Must be willing to rehearse 7 nights a week, because at most we can commit is one or two, but we want to make sure you don't have any conflicts on those few days we can actually get it together.

Must be able to play to a click, because lord knows the bass player can't.

Must be a team player, and by team, we mean you'll do whatever we tell you to do, with no opinions of your own.

Must be a quick learner, because we often forget our own songs, and it would be helpful if you could be there to remind us how they go.

Must be sober and drug free, because we need a designated driver.

Must be financially secure, because we have no money, and when we finally make it big, we're not sharing the publishing with you anyways.
 
If there was such thing as truth in craigslist, ads would read something like:

Drummer needed.
Must be creative in coming up with different beats, because all our songs have the same guitar rhythms, and someone needs to make our songs sound different.

Must be willing to rehearse 7 nights a week, because at most we can commit is one or two, but we want to make sure you don't have any conflicts on those few days we can actually get it together.

Must be able to play to a click, because lord knows the bass player can't.

Must be a team player, and by team, we mean you'll do whatever we tell you to do, with no opinions of your own.

Must be a quick learner, because we often forget our own songs, and it would be helpful if you could be there to remind us how they go.

Must be sober and drug free, because we need a designated driver.

Must be financially secure, because we have no money, and when we finally make it big, we're not sharing the publishing with you anyways.

The voice of truth!

Maybe add: We are unsigned but several labels has thanked us for our interest and wished us the best of luck in our future endeavours, which is encouraging!
 
If there was such thing as truth in craigslist, ads would read something like:

Drummer needed.
Must be creative in coming up with different beats, because all our songs have the same guitar rhythms, and someone needs to make our songs sound different.

Must be willing to rehearse 7 nights a week, because at most we can commit is one or two, but we want to make sure you don't have any conflicts on those few days we can actually get it together.

Must be able to play to a click, because lord knows the bass player can't.

Must be a team player, and by team, we mean you'll do whatever we tell you to do, with no opinions of your own.

Must be a quick learner, because we often forget our own songs, and it would be helpful if you could be there to remind us how they go.

Must be sober and drug free, because we need a designated driver.

Must be financially secure, because we have no money, and when we finally make it big, we're not sharing the publishing with you anyways.

HA! Pretty funny. I'd also add:

Must not play double bass.

Must not have more than two of those drums that face upward.

None of those loud Asian simbols.

Must not play loudly enough to be heard.
 
The voice of truth!

Maybe add: We are unsigned but several labels has thanked us for our interest and wished us the best of luck in our future endeavours, which is encouraging!

Nice one!!

Only it needs to set up like this:

We have major label interest, which means several labels has thanked us for our interest and wished us the best of luck in our future endeavors.

haha....my old band had a collection of such letters.
 
Nice one!!

Only it needs to set up like this:

We have major label interest, which means several labels has thanked us for our interest and wished us the best of luck in our future endeavors.

haha....my old band had a collection of such letters.

LOL ... that's the one ... "major label interest". It conjures visions of talent-hungry labels scouring the scene for new talent, as opposed to getting sexy young starlets to swing over to the dark side and start recording singles.

In the old days they used to toss ALOTA tapes in the bin unheard. I'm guessing that MySpace will have reduced this waste.
 
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