I've wrestled bipolar disorder for 30 years and after that one-two punch, I said, f*** it. I had some money and my brother left me some money but it won't go much further.
Indeed, I know that deal. My "disorder" was, even though I wasn't a rock star, I knew how to party like one. Burned up about $150K, doing that. In hindsight, not a good investment.
And I too, when I left the Post Office, got a lump sum. My retirement. Enough cash to keep me alive, and afloat for a year-and-a-half, while I tried to get my "stuff" together. And when I figured the "smoke had cleared, and the dust had settled", I found me a job.
I haven't even done a resume or looked for a job and I won't for a few more months. I think that I've needed this time and my doctors haven't pushed me. Sometimes you don't want to push people like me.
Amen. In the Postal Service, so many of the "management" types loved to "push", and as it turns out, these mini-dictator types can set into motion "disasters".
So, maybe I'll find something bearable but all I really need is a paycheck and very good insurance.
And those jobs are out there. Keep your needs/wants simple. A roof over your head. Food in your belly. A positive attitude. As they say, "Keep It Simple". (he's also a very cool guy)
One of my main joys ... is watching a good sunset. It's a free show, and it happens every day. Another is watching the hawks soar above my house/neighborhood. There are beautiful things out there ... they go on every day. Cost nothing, and take me to a wonderful mindset. Just find the "channel" you wanna watch ... and plug in. It's "worked" for me.
The only thing you have to fear......is fear itself!
A lot of fear is bad, but a little (just a touch) is necessary. It's what's known as our survival mechanism. Keeps us on our toes. Keeps us out of harms way, and alive. For me, fear is sometimes the voice of common sense telling me to "leave, now!"
She was right but I would like to work with kids at some level that have been abused or just never got a fair shake from life. It would either heal me or kill me I'm afraid.
Healing would be the "option" I'd pick. But throwing yourself on the grenade, while a noble gesture, can cause one great harm. Maybe "dial back" your scope, a bit. Start off small. Go work/volunteer at a rescue mission. If you're in a current band, maybe get the whole band to come along. My experience with that, was wonderful. First you help serve food, then you perform for the people you just fed, then you hang out and talk to people.
Another cool gig was performing for CLIMB (a local "home for the blind"). They can't see you (which, for me, might be a good thing), but they can listen. And a very appreciative audience.
Unfortunately, there are lots of people than need help/can use a hand. Or need just a kind word. And almost everyone I know, hopes at least "someone out there cares". As they say .... Random acts of kindness ... is a good thing.