I understand that a lot of people claim that snare stand mounting "chokes" toms... but I guess I fail to see much difference between holding a tom with rubber grommets by it's top rim and sitting it in a basket with rubber gaskets touching it's bottom rim.
When held from the top, it's "suspending" the tom, and possibly pulling up on the top rim, like if you held a tom with your fingers by its top rim. In a snare stand, you're putting the entire weight of the drum on the bottom rim, which definitely affects the tuning of the resonant head.
I think the rims mounting system is overrated and IMO causes more headaches than it solves -
Carrying an extra snare stand to a gig is much more of a headache, IMO.
I hate head changes on drums with rims mounts...
Yep, the one drawback is the head changes, but you only need to do that every few months anyways.
they are generally wobbly and unstable...
It depends on the angle you mount them at. If you mount them flat (like you'd have to do with a snare stand, so as not to have to clamp down on the tom), there's virtually no wobble. Also, I like the "give" and wobble of the tom, even though I don't play them at an angle that allows it.
and I have never heard any appreciable change in tone or sustain from them... especially for live playing.
There is a WORLD of difference between a shell-mounted tom and a RIMS-mounted tom. There are 2 worlds of difference between a snare stand-mounted tom and a RIMS-mounted tom. It doesn't make much difference if you tune your drums in the choking range, though.
Depending on where you play live, sometimes playing on cardboard would give you just as good of a sound as playing a drum. Close-miking just hears the sound of the top head, basically. You might as well play on a Pearl Rhythm Traveler...it will sound virtually the same as a DW kit with the same heads through the PA.
I have also had bent rims and tons of tuning issues when using rims equipped drums... especially on larger heavier toms.
For the larger and heavier drums, I usually use the floor tom legs that come with them.
The key with putting toms - or even your snare on a snare stand - is not to over tighten the basket. You want the drum to sit in the basket not be held in a death grip.
...unless you want your toms at an angle. Yeah, over-tightening a basket has yet ANOTHER degree of a dampening effect after snare stand-mounting and shell-mounting.
And BTW... I like my toms wide open with no dampening / muffling.
With a RIMS mount, you can play them even more wide open. Playing a tom in a snare stand (unless it's tuned up into the stratosphere) is just another factor that determines how much/little sustain/resonance a tom has. It has more of a dampening effect than moongel or duct taping tissue paper to the batter head, in my experience. You can always take away sustain by treating your drum heads, but you can never add sustain. If you like the sound of your tom in a snare stand, then that's awesome and you should absolutely do it...some of us just like more sustain then that option has to offer.