How can I get my girlfriend to see how badly she needs to quit smoking?

The 2 choices I see are to accept her like she is, smoke and all, or explain to her that it's a dealbreaker and give her an ultimatum, cigs or you. I wouldn't bet on it sticking, but hey, you never know.

I don't know that there's a middle ground, unless you're the kind that can enforce rules on her, such as no smoking when you are around, not in the house, not in your car, not after sex etc.

I think it's appalling how the government sanctions this harmful product. She is exactly the way our leaders want us, unhealthy and dependent on their drugs.
 
I think it's appalling how the government sanctions this harmful product. She is exactly the way our leaders want us, unhealthy and dependent on their drugs.

You really want the government telling us what is good for us? What about cigars? Chew? Alcohol (they tried that before)? Caffeine? Marijuana (ooops, too late)?
 
You really want the government telling us what is good for us? What about cigars? Chew? Alcohol (they tried that before)? Caffeine? Marijuana (ooops, too late)?

Your last three choices aren't even in the same ballpark. Alcohol, caffeine and marijuana don't cause illnesses with even high-moderate usage.

I get what you're saying, but comparing something as horrible as tobacco to caffeine is atrocious.
 
Your last three choices aren't even in the same ballpark. Alcohol, caffeine and marijuana don't cause illnesses with even high-moderate usage.

I get what you're saying, but comparing something as horrible as tobacco to caffeine is atrocious.

I know, but my point is I don't want the government making that choice and drawing that line for me. Put the information out there and let people make their own choices.
 
The 2 choices I see are to accept her like she is, smoke and all, or explain to her that it's a dealbreaker and give her an ultimatum, cigs or you. I wouldn't bet on it sticking, but hey, you never know.

I don't know that there's a middle ground, unless you're the kind that can enforce rules on her, such as no smoking when you are around, not in the house, not in your car, not after sex etc.

I think it's appalling how the government sanctions this harmful product. She is exactly the way our leaders want us, unhealthy and dependent on their drugs.

Ah, Larry's back and with great advice as usual. :) I wondered where you were. But yes, the government likes us sick and addicted. Or the judges do I should say, who repealed graphic images on cig packs to deter smoking. Anyway, when I was 16 a guy who talked out of a hole in his throat due to cancer/smoking spoke at my grade school. That frightened the hell out of me so much I didn't dare go near cigs. There are better vices out there - drumming, women, running, juicing, erotica, our planet .. just my 2 cents. (and thanks AgentOrange ... I did mean well...)
 
I have COPD.My condition is improving,but I still have bad days.Smoking is an addiction,and you really have to want to quit.

If you want to know what it's like trying to breathe sometimes.just take in a deep breath....hold it for as long as you can....and then try to take in another deep breath.You can't.Pretty scary stuff.

Here's another one.You know those skinny little straws you get with a mixed drink in a bar?Try breathing through one for a while.Best of luck.

Steve B
 
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Google: Smokers lungs after 3 years. have her take a look at that I quit 13 years ago after smoking for 27 years. I still cant get my wife to quit it is something you really have to want to do
 
Yeah, getting adversarial is a GREAT idea. I want to help and support her, not teach her some lesson "the hard way". Thanks for playing.

May I just apologize for showing my ass here? Thanks for the input, everyone. I really didn't mean to be so rude.
 
Sometimes getting adversarial is a good plan. Nothing shows her you love her more than you getting upset with her. After all it is for her own good.

Smoking ages you quick. I can spot a smoker a mile away. They stink and they look bad. They should make something you can take that makes you violently ill if you smoke.

I truly despise tobacco products and especially the whole government/tobacco industry for poisoning the public.

Unfortunately, you don't have a whole lot of control here. If you don't plan on marrying this person, just accept it. If you do want to marry her...try dumping her for a bit. Make it clear that the reason is cigarettes. If she changes, get her back. If she doesn't...move on.

I know that's easy for me to say, but these are the kinds of bad choices that can be avoided. She is not the only person in the world that would suit you.
 
Try as you might, unless she makes that conscious decision to let 'em go......it just ain't gonna work. You can yell and scream and rant and rave until the cows come home. What's it gonna change? There's not a smoker alive who is stupid enough to believe that what they're doing is not causing them damage. Yet still they smoke, so what does that tell us about the mental aspect of addiction?

I love it too. Have done for years and only in the last few months have I had the change of mindset to put them down and make a diligent attempt to give 'em away. Still, it took me until last week to actually take the plunge.....and let me tell you, it's friggen hard. I crave them everyday....several times a day, but I'm determined to be strong. But it was indeed my conscious decision that's allowed me to even try. Anything others have said has fallen on deaf ears for years. My wife is an ex smoker, my old man is an ex smoker, my best mate is an ex smoker....all of them have harped on incessantly over the years. Do you honestly reckon any of it made a pinch of difference at the time? Despite knowing the dangers and in spite of their constant pissing and moaning, it still wasn't enough to get me to stop. I've had to come to that decision for myself.

I had to want to do it.......so does she.
 
Try as you might, unless she makes that conscious decision to let 'em go......it just ain't gonna work. You can yell and scream and rant and rave until the cows come home. What's it gonna change? There's not a smoker alive who is stupid enough to believe that what they're doing is not causing them damage. Yet still they smoke, so what does that tell us about the mental aspect of addiction?

I love it too. Have done for years and only in the last few months have I had the change of mindset to put them down and make a diligent attempt to give 'em away. Still, it took me until last week to actually take the plunge.....and let me tell you, it's friggen hard. I crave them everyday....several times a day, but I'm determined to be strong. But it was indeed my conscious decision that's allowed me to even try. Anything others have said has fallen on deaf ears for years. My wife is an ex smoker, my old man is an ex smoker, my best mate is an ex smoker....all of them have harped on incessantly over the years. Do you honestly reckon any of it made a pinch of difference at the time? Despite knowing the dangers and in spite of their constant pissing and moaning, it still wasn't enough to get me to stop. I've had to come to that decision for myself.

I had to want to do it.......so does she.

Well first of all, congratulations!
I wish there was a way for me to... help her to want to; I'm really into her and don't want to give her up over something like this. She's one of the most intelligent, caring, insightful, intellectually challenging, hard working, mature people I've ever met, and certainly that I've ever had a relationship with. I wish I could describe her to you. She's also adorable, for what that's worth.
 
Well first of all, congratulations!
I wish there was a way for me to... help her to want to; I'm really into her and don't want to give her up over something like this. She's one of the most intelligent, caring, insightful, intellectually challenging, hard working, mature people I've ever met, and certainly that I've ever had a relationship with. I wish I could describe her to you. She's also adorable, for what that's worth.

Again...I hate to sound like a broken record but I really hope you are telling HER all of the things you are telling us! She needs to know why you care so much about whether she smokes or not. Telling us won't do any good, telling her might.

Although everyone else is right, unless she's ready, you're still fighting a losing battle. :(
 
Yes, adorable is important! Hopefully after talking with her she'll realize that her health is important to you, and what a talented kickass drummer she has in a boyfriend. And one with such a well balanced drum collection too.

Ah, to be young again...
 
Yes, adorable is important! Hopefully after talking with her she'll realize that her health is important to you, and what a talented kickass drummer she has in a boyfriend. And one with such a well balanced drum collection too.

Ah, to be young again...

I'm going to need to deflate my head after reading that... Thanks Uncle Larry. (Totally calling you that from now on)
 
I'm going to need to deflate my head after reading that... Thanks Uncle Larry. (Totally calling you that from now on)

I'd call him that but then it's just creepy! Lol

So how's it going with the gf? Any luck?
 
It's going great, but she's a smoker! :p
Haha, well actually she decided to stop smoking menthols and only smokes American Spirits which have cotton filters and no chemicals as far as I know. I still don't consider that a huge step since she is still lighting up pretty frequently...

I'll update if she decides to make any progress. Thanks for the continued interest and support.
 
Field trip to a cancer ward?

...but its far easier to realize why to leave a partner than it is to realize smoking sucks...especially when the partner challenges an addiction with a seratonin profile rivaling heroin/cocain/meth.
 
Follow me here.

Is smoking inherently bad? I honestly think challenging peoples' worldviews at a core level does more to change habits than just dealing with symptoms ( addiction, whatever it may be, smoking, porn, gluttony, tv, friends... anything can be)

The previous statement is only qualified if we live in a closed system of absolutes (metaphysical, moral, spiritual et. al) if we don't, then anything we do is simply preference, and carries no greater weight than whatever value we put on it, but only on a personal level, never impositional (is that a word, that's a word, right?) meaning you can't turn to someone and say suicide bombing is bad, only that my preference is for it not to happen... (A lot of that I would suggest reading up on if two plus two is making five, if I or someone opposed to that idea were to justify or deny it's premise adequately we'd probably crash the server)

Why can I not? because the greatest authority we have is 'us'. The standards made are simply a person saying, or people banding together for whichever motive they desire and making laws, rules, codes, beliefs, whatever by numbers or force or cleverness or whatever else. There still is no absolute basis for those laws, even if a majority say so, and so imposing on another is unjust (ironically though without absolutes you can't even define 'just') (Also there is a huge difference between us placing a value on something and its actual intrinsic value apart from our ideologies)

Where am I going? A little further down the rabbit hole...

If you can't honestly present a case to someone that what they do is inherently wrong, and you aren't actually convinced of the same yourself, then you're in the wrong (another term we can not actually define if we have no absolutes), because you're simply imposing a preference on someone else, which has no basis other than what I want for your life is better than what you want, because I said so.

In context, if I can't come to someone and define poor health and death as bad, smoking as a cause of both of those, and addiction as a cause of the smoking, then I'm on shaky ground ---(In this instance it doesn't bother me about their response eg. I like smoking, because when I was a druggie smoking pot, eating mushies and smoking P (our term for meth) I liked it, but it doesn't mean it was good for me. I just honestly thought that was the best life had to offer. Nor though am I saying that that is a pattern and everyone thinks that way, just giving some balls to my statement)--- because I'm just imposing what I want on them without being able to give a solid answer as to why.

Because they'll live a poorer life than they could have? So what, what value is life?
Because they could die? So what, what power does death have?
Because you don;t like it? So what, why are your values better than mine?

If however suicide bombing is inherently bad, evil at its core, then I would do whatever I could to stop it in my power without worrying about the implications of what my actions have on those trying to impose evil. (Not entirely true, in a real sense I would always prefer that they 'repented', but if they don't I'm not going to burn a bra over it)

If they are born of nothing more than circumstance and their genes simply define who they are and what they do, automatons at an organic level, then let fate simply take its course.

Depressing, confusing, whaaaaaat?

All I'm saying is this, if you aren't convinced of what you believe no one else will be. The absolute conviction of who you are and what you believe shakes people exponentially more than mere opinion, even if that's all they ever deem it as.

Now that I've spouted a bunch of ideas, how I apply that to every situation I ever come to is this; (And believe me, this is a learning basis, I don't magically just do it, I really have to work at this with some dushe ba.... er people :)

Love them where they're at. Broken or not, right or wrong, hating on you or loving you, love them. Doesn't mean line their pockets and serenade them with pleasantries, it means harbour (yes, o U r, queens English) in your heart when you approach them that you want the utmost for them. You want them to come away from this situation feeling as accepted and welcome and good as possible.

Then, for the next thing that seems totally contradictory

Tell them the truth. What you believe, why you believe it, all in love. Sometimes people take it on, sometimes they don't, sometimes they feel loved, sometimes they feel hated, but it never means you didn't love them... It just means the truth hurts and they'd rather dwell in their darkened understanding because it's safe.

Now I know this may step on the toes of many peoples worldviews and personal practices, that's fine, that's the beauty of free will and opinions... the point is to not get offended. So if I have... tough titties... I love you :D

And seriously, yes, if someone I loved had any issue that was worthy of my intervention however small in the worlds eyes I would give it that much thought, not forgetting that for all that typing that whole chain of thinking happens in the blink of an eye.

And yes I can see about ten loose ends that should have been addressed here but I mean really, look how long this is already.
 
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