Originally Posted by deafdrummer
I have wondered about that myself. No, I don't. I don't want people hounding me, invading my privacy, being required to do certain things in certain ways that isn't good for me or is against my principles.
I don't have anything to prove to myself anymore as a drummer, as far as whether I am worthy. I can improve on my drumming and such, but I don't need to showboat... I've reached a point in my life where I've learned that I want to SIMPLY BE, kind of like a cave person. To simply be. I don't need to "be this" or "be that." Just simply be.
And here, I start down a slippery slope off-topic. It's one reason why I went into learning the didgeridoo very recently. There's nothing like it in western music, though it is classified as a brass aerophone. The story is, I apparently lost my hearing as a baby (and started talking very early, too, until I started losing it after the first year). I was not discovered to be deaf until I was seven and a half. I had already been pulled from first grade and placed in a school for kids with developmental disabilities by the time I was found to be deaf. By then, I had spent a long time not knowing what was going on around me, including what friends were saying to me or what this place I later found out was a church was for. By that time at eight and a half, it was too late. My worldview of my connection to this world had already formed. If I was to be told how to think, it was too late. My stepmother would tell you that I was a wild child, more in the sense of a feral child rather than the troublemaker type.
I have been asked in a joking way if I'm on drugs when I come up with off-the-wall stuff, "Have you been smoking something?" I tell them, "No, as I don't need to because I'm there already!" I don't NEED drugs to reach that place because I'm always there. I think people lose access to that place early as children, and I believe explains why the world is the way it is today. We're too civilized.
The didge provides for me a better medium to remember to stay in the time when I didn't know what time was or what a calendar or clock was for (I think I was 10 before I learned to tell time - I was way behind in those days). I just knew that the sun rose, and I could go play, and the sun set, meaning it was bed time and would be frightened at night of the darkness. I think this explains the lull in my drumming, and I've fallen out with the destructive tendencies of rock musicians (I'm low-fat-cooked-vegan trying to go raw and STAY there). I love the music, but I just can't stand what people I play with do to themselves. That goes for the audience, too. It's like, "Why play for these people? I'm saddened by their apparent willingness to destroy themselves and die." I may find similar circumstances with people in a drum circle or didge circle, BUT the didge is a lot better for solo playing and relaxation than a drumset on my own time because it can take over an hour to settle back down after playing drums.
I guess I'm trying to say that my tendencies as a deaf person leads me to want to simply be, do what I want. It's hard to do that when you have a lot of expectations placed on you by a lot of people; they want you to dress a certain way, act a certain way, do certain things, and you keep having to push back that line while staying in the loop of opportunity. I'm willing to give up being famous for the feeling of being happy to simply be... And maybe simply being myself will lead me to people who appreciate that and want to play with me. Right now, I'm exploring.