Last night, I sort of "came to" in terms of a direction in music. I ought to introduce myself, I guess. I'm a profoundly, prelingually deaf lady in Houston, Texas, and I have played drums off and on since 1977, and I played bass guitar for a small number of those years. I have played in school bands (marching, concert, symphonic, jazz band, percussion ensembles, solos, even choir for my senior year in high school). I played for America's Youth in Concert in 1983 and United State Collegiate Wind Band in 1984 (in case you're looking for me). A rock band playing covers and writing/playing originals was my last gig a few years ago. Since that went down in flames on stage, I have floated on my own, trying to find my direction, as I didn't like what I saw.
I went off on a trip to visit family last fall, and it was right at the time that the Bastrop Complex fires started near Austin, Texas, and I had friends who lost their homes, their animals, everything... And it was so hot outside that I nearly fell sick during a volunteer outing. I had a lot of thinking to do about my life, with no sense of direction on music at that time, my friends' tragedies, and the direction that my life was going in financial research. Visiting family in a much cooler place helped me to decide to pull back from underground financial research, pull back from playing drums for a while and see where the chips fall. I also realized that I needed a change in my life, which I'm still figuring out.
But last night, I realized that I needed get back on the drum set in a new direction. I can't stop playing. I did that last time, for 17 years, and it just about destroyed me. This morning, I woke up feeling refreshed, feeling like I have a renewed purpose in life. I just played drums for a bit today. It's the first time in a long time that I've felt like I'm playing with a purpose.
I guess I ought to explain my background a little more. As I was classically trained, I felt like I needed to get away from what was thought to be "the right way to play music." Like you have to play cross handed on a drum set, you are not a musician if you're playing double pedals, rock 'n roll is about worshipping satan, or it's not music, just noise. WHATEVER. I feel like people have forgotten or never understood in the first place that music is to be enjoyed for what it is. I had to break out of that by starting with correcting some bad hand grip problems in my right hand, and then learning to play open-handed so that I can lead with either hand. And then I learned double pedal so that I can lead with either foot and either hand at any time. And then, instead of joining a Jazz band or symphony, I joined a rock band down here (even moved here for it!) and got my feet wet in it. Afterwards, I felt lost, because I ran into rock music screaming away from establishment music because I felt caged up in a formal music setting. One note off, and you've ruined it for the night. Rock still wasn't right for me, even though it's fun to play. I feel like I need even more freedom than that. It'll be a while before I get a good feel for what I want to do, but I'll say that I want to go off into left field, a place that is littered with didgeridoos. I want to see about building at least for myself a "drums & didge" band, and if someone wants to layer extra parts on top of the drone that forms the basis of this music, they're welcome to do so, but isn't required.
I have to think about what my performance environment looks like, where I perform, WHAT I'm performing, and so on.
Let's see if this direction pans out.