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Old 12-26-2011, 05:04 PM
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larryace larryace is offline
"Uncle Larry"
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: In beautiful Bucks County, PA
Posts: 15,526
Default Re: Mallaebility, Amiability, subservience, group dynamics and leadership

Sounds to me like you are feeling frustration from the nature of the drums within a band context. I'm guessing the reason that many have asked you to drum for them is because of all the words you used in the thread title.

Do you realize how secure you need to be to be all the above? You may be feeling stupid because no one else has to be like that, right? Why should you be the only one, right?

You have a skill set that is hard to come by. Take comfort in knowing that most pitched instrument players can never do what you do. Drumming needs someone with those skills.

Perhaps the group of people you are with aren't the best for you. In my one band, they value, ask for and listen to my opinions. All I have to do is make a sour face, and they will say...OK Lar, whats wrong...and I will tell them. Sometimes it's listened to, sometimes, I'm off, but I don't feel invisible.

Perhaps gently asserting yourself in situations that you feel strongly about is a way to ease into the role you crave. This may alter perceptions about yourself, meaning it may threaten the insecure ones. Being subserviant to the music is one thing, being subserviant to the musicians is bad for your soul. Strike a balance, and if some get upset, don't you get upset too. You don't own their problems, it's not your issue.

As long as you speak the truth....people know the truth when they hear it. This doesn't take into account the bruised egos that result from hearing the truth. That's where they need to man up. Call them on it. Time to gently go on the offensive, only when it is warranted though.

If you assert yourself, and meet resistance that is born from insecurity or a need to feel superior, call it out, and term it unacceptable. Call a spade a spade. As long as the truth is on your side. Make no apologies. Call them like you see them. That's what everyone loves about me. Anyone who knows me knows that whatever happens...they will get a straight answer from me, even if it is unpalatable. Which it usually is. Not my problem, I didn't make it unpalatable, I am just reporting on the unpalatability of it all. I'm just the messenger.
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