Re: Moral Dilemma: What would you do?
It sounds like you've approached it in the most honest and respectful of ways. That is an awkward situation to be sure. I guess you just have to weigh how difficult it would be to pick up all the ground you lost against your desire to stay where you're at and your more "humane" instincts toward him.
But I don't think it's necessarily taking the high road giving the guy his former gig back. He relinquished his spot in moving so that's entirely his cross to bear. He would also have no reason to hold it against you should you not hand it back, but I would think you would be entirely justified in harboring at least some resentment toward him for putting you in this situation, regardless of what decision you make.
Actually, now that I think about it, it seems like it was bad form for him to approach the band leader before calling you. That's a bit of an undermining move if you ask me. He should have called you and suggested that if you weren't happy with the gig for whatever reason, that he'd be happy to retake it without ever asking for you to step aside. And once he learned that you liked the gig, he should have pursued it no furthher - no subtle pressure on you, and definitely no calls to plant seeds with the band leader. That just smacks of lameness to me.