Re: Homogenous Blend A Must-Family>Music>Career
It can be tough.
With my wife, there has never been an issue. She met me when I was in an original rock band, and she got the speech that band comes first, and everything else second. She stuck by me through the ups and downs (and mostly downs) of being a struggling musician in Los Angeles.
When we got married, I gave up being in bands for a while, but that was more about me being burnt out than her. I still always had a drum kit set up somewhere, and still practicing a few times a week. She helped me get my next band going a few years later.
Kids, on the other hand, is a different experience. Not because they pressure you to not do something. Just there isn't the time when they're babies. The not sleeping through the night, diaper changes, extra laundry and such just wore me down after a while.
I was always exhausted, and motivation to go find another band and play a gig slipped away. My oldest son didn't sleep through the night for almost 4 full years. So I turned to writing and recording music. I took up the guitar on the side. This way, I was still involved in music, but I didn't have to commit to a band's schedule. If I miss a day, or a week, that's on me, and no one else is disappointed.
But in the last three months, I've sensed a big change. My kids are both sleeping through the night. The oldest one is fully potty trained. The youngest one is old enough that they can play together and keep each other entertained. Suddenly, I'm finding myself with more time again to devote to music.
So I'm finishing up my original songs. I've started jamming with some other guys on the side. Suddenly, finding a band and doing some gigs no longer sounds like such an exotic concept.
But it is tougher to find people to play with. So many people have long since given up playing. I can't commit to a 3 night a week practice schedule for a younger band. I'm not interested in the "we're going to tour and be stars" mentality. But on the flip side, when you do find some guys who are in the same situation as me, they have their own distractions. So many only want to get together on Saturday afternoon, which tends to be family time around here.
Or they want to do a cover band and play material I'm NOT interested in. Or this, that or other the other thing. Which is not much different than when you're young, but when you're young, if the band doesn't suit you, you can just say "next" and there are always 100 other bands. At this point, the pool is smaller.