Originally Posted by chathamight
venting about how the guitarist solos in your tunes too much or how soundmen are jerks at gigs are total different arenas than domestic issues like possibly leaving your wife because you don't like her smoking anymore.
i'll give it to you straight man. you say you've smoked for ten years, but with your annoyance at your wife not being able to drop the habit like you did, makes me suspect you weren't a REAL smoker. if you were a real smoker, you'd realize that nothing can make a smoker stop except themself. all the nagging, all the replacements, all that stuff is useless...the only that makes a real smoker stop is the smoker's mindset, being able to realize they've been duped for all these years. smokers already know the habit sucks...waste of money...bad for the health...stinks etc. she already feels guilty by the rituals she goes through before you guys have sex. now you as her partner can be compassionate and support her positively, knowing how hard it is to reverse all this brainwashing society and cigarette companies have instilled into people about this habit. or you can try this negative reinforcement people are suggesting, the ultimatums, the replacement therapy and keep up the spiral, make things worse in the marriage and possibly divorce. this is why a marriage counselor would be more suitable for advice (if this is really the problem).
another thing is that when you got married, you knew she smoked. you knew this and accepted it. i think the saying goes, you made your bed, now lie in it.
don't take the bluntness personally, it's not. just saying that something as important as this, if this is really a problem, should be handled by professionals.
Please tell me where I said I was going to potentially leave my wife, I never said that, in fact I said I would NOT do that and leaving her would be really lame (try actually reading the posts maybe?)
I don't know what qualifies as a 'real' smoker, but I smoked for at least a decade and it took me at least 3 attempts to quit. Of course I understand it's difficult.
I can vent if I want to. I decided to throw my post up here because I'm comfortable with this community and I thought perhaps I'd find some decent advice, and I got some! And I thank those who have contributed to said advice.