Originally Posted by larryace
It's more harder but better to just be out in the open with everything. It's very freeing but also leads to exposed nerves on both sides. I'll take that over sneakiness any day. I spent too many years being like that (sneaky) and I won't do it anymore. Feelings get hurt no matter what, because the truth ALWAYS comes out, but I retain my integrity by not lying and sneaking. So now I don't hide anything, I own it. Not that there's a whole lot to own, but I'm no angel either. Neither is she. It's the most honest relationship I've ever been in.
It isn't a matter of sneakiness or of hiding anything, though. It's just that I see no reason to stop being the person I was when I met my wife. That's the guy she married, after all.
I very much like not knowing every single thing that my wife, Nicky, is doing or thinking about. That way there are more surprises in our marriage. She's a fully-functioning individual with her own individual thoughts and experiences, and so am I. Every once in awhile one of us will feel like talking to the other about those thoughts and experiences, the way that close friends do.
But in certain ways she's still as much a mystery to me as she was on the night we first met.
I am not defined by my marriage and neither is she. Maybe that's why we've managed to stay married for twenty years. Our anniversary is October 4, this coming Monday. We're going to a Thai restaurant, and she's paying.