Originally Posted by larryace
Let it be on him to say he if can or can't. If he says he can, that's when you stop the song when he reverts back to his old ways and call him on it. He will either change or quit. If he stays the same, then you have the option to say, "but you said you could do this.." Make him agree to it and hold him to it.
It depends on his personality, really. If he were anything like me, and per what I'm gathering about the scenario (I'd have a different approach in different scenarios), he might just keep playing the way that other folks in the band are not digging so much because (1) he doesn't agree with their views about what sounds better--he's probably playing what he's playing because it sounds good to him--and that's the case relative to what other folks are already playing, and (2) he's not of the opinion that player's parts should be up for vote--he already said he's not telling other folks how to play, so they shouldn't tell him how to play. In a situation like that, they'd probably have to either can me or adjust themselves to be able to accept what I'm doing.
There are situations that I'd handle differently, though. One is based on money. If the money is good, I'll play any crap you want me to play regardless of how bad I think it sounds, how much I dislike it, etc. The sole reason I'll do that is so that I can play what I do like on my own time instead, and then I don't have to worry about whether I'm going to make any money with it.
The other is if it's a band where we take turns writing out charts--I'll play whatever someone has written for me to play on their chart, and then when it's my turn, you'll play whatever I wrote for you to play on my chart.
But in a more casual situation, I'm not going to respond well to "gang pressure", people telling me what I should be playing, etc. What I'm more likely to do, if people keep pestering me about it, is play that way even more to annoy you, and I'd probably start complaining about the way you're playing as a bit of tit for tat, too. If you're shooting for "less is more", I'll keep telling you you're playing too simple, etc.--at least until you just let me play the way I want to play, and then I'll let you play the way you want to play.
What I'm most interested in musically, anyway, in a band situation, is when you've got a collection of people with very different styles and influences all working together to try to play something they each think sounds good (and by the way, because of that, I always think it's a bad idea when people are advertising for musicians for them to be looking for people into the same influences). I tend to think that the best bands are bands that have some tensions there--I think they tend to do the most interesting music, and the music that moves me emotionally the most . . . even if those tend to be the bands most difficult to keep together, at least without periodic arguments, screaming matches, maybe a few fists flying . . . lol.