Tactful corrections of band members
I'll start by saying that kicking this player out of the band is not an option. He's too a good friend to some of us. Our music is important to us, but our friendships more so.
We have a player in our band who tends to overplay. He is not playing his main instrument with us. Trouble is he is always trying to do things that he can't do reliably - zero headroom. His timing is not good.
If he simplified and just focused on being tight he'd be fine, but he keeps on adding out-of-time clutter. Then he changes things from practice to practice, even though we record everything.
At a recent social band get-together our bassist was saying how important it is to leave space and to just execute simply and well ... which looked like a veiled, general way of suggesting to the musician-in-question to de-clutter. All enthusiastic agreement.
Then next practice, the same sloppiness as though the conversation never happened. Late last year our singer and I tried to get him to tidy things up be he got all insecure and huffy and suggested that maybe we might like to find someone better (Why not just simplify FFS!). Since he doesn't tell us what to play I guess he thinks we should provide the same courtesy (we are much more tight than he is).
Occasionally a couple of us have tried dealing with specifics ... "How about trying this or that?" and he may or may not go for it.
Has anyone found a way of diplomatically dealing with this situation - or can think of something?
Any ideas? It's not end-of-the-world because we're in it for the fun, but it's an irritation because it limits our fun.