Re: Worst Gig Experiences?
It's hard to know where to begin!
Okay, well here we go.
1: The stage directly under my drum kit collapsed with me on it 6 bars into a tune. The gravity was very strong that day and I hit the deck along with the kit. Pain.
2. Playing a gig in the Australian outback at a Bachelor and spinsters ball. Imagine a large canvas tent in the middle of nowhere. Loads of totally drunk outback Australians who would not dare speak to anyone from the city band that had come to entertain. "Stay away from the city slickers!"
The young women are wearing old 1960's velvet evening dresses handed down from their mothers. And gum boots.
The guys are just wasted on alcohol.
During the second set things began to get a little wild. I noticed that some drunk had climbed atop the tent and was jumping up and down. Directly above the revelers.
At the back of the tent two enormously fat women had decided to moon the room. Imaging two giant upside down light bulbs.
Just as I was recovering from the sight, I caught a flash to behind and to the right. A couple was having sex behind my drum riser between the tent and it. It was the flash of the white bottom that caught my attention.
I turned to the bass player to point out this amazing image when all of a sudden, the couple were gone.
Dazed and confused I turned my attention to the swarming drunken mass dancing under the mad jumper atop the tent.
The two fat ladies had moved off.
And still he kept jumping.
Not so much jumping as falling.
And still they kept dancing. Unaware. Pig ignorant of the danger.
Suddenly they stopped dancing!
The dancing throng had become a mass of limbs.
The band is staring down from the stage.
Then looking at each other.
At each other.
Then everyone left. Well not quite. First all the drunks jumped into their utes and did donuts.
Then off they went into the night.
So after we packed up our gear we headed off to the one store in hundreds of square miles because it doubled as the hotel. Of course it was locked and we could not get in. Then we smashed a window and made for our room.
The next day we drove about 500 miles to the next gig.
3. Not so much one gig, but a series of gigs. I had a drum solo on this show. It's length was determined by how long it took the band leader to scream his abuse at the singers and dancers.
4. There I sat with my drums on the stairs as about 100 wild drunks fought a long brawl in the foyer of the club. There was just this one way to get out. I sat there over an hour until enough police arrived to bring it to a halt. I loaded out amid a swell of people covered in blood being booked by the police. No one said a word to me.
5. I broke my nose on a cramped stage with a stick during a song. The stage was very very cramped. I did complete the song but did so covered in blood.
6. The band had been going great. We were on TV just about every week. We had a huge fan club made up of young women. (The best sort. You do not want to play a sausage fest after that!) We'd just played to a huge crowd of thousands. I was happy as a lark.
Then we went to play a club gig. I discovered that someone of note in the "business" had put the word out that we'd better sleep with him to get to the next stage. The band then broke up 30 minutes before the show. I played that show in a very bad mood. So much effort and work gone.................
The next day I discovered our manager had cleaned out our account.
Renovated his house. I hear it looks very nice.
Getting depressed. Can I stop now? I could go on.
" Those who know, do not speak.
Those who speak, do not know."