View Single Post
  #2  
Old 07-25-2009, 02:42 AM
Pollyanna's Avatar
Pollyanna Pollyanna is offline
Platinum Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Cyberspace, Sydney connection
Posts: 10,000
Default Re: Lyrics I Wrote For My Band

I think you need to find a new partner! One thing that bugs me about a lot of lyrics is the writers never seem to want to work sensibly through their problems and blame it all on The Partner From Hell. What about personal responsibility? Now, lemme tell you that back in my day ... *wink*

Seriously, the lyrics are melodramatic but could work in some styles. I think the second verse (chorus?) has the strongest flow. I like:

If living a lie,
Isn't what I deserve.
Then I cannot wait,
I cannot wait to let go.

Singers like the lyrics to flow - that feel good to say or sing in sequence. So "You threw me in the mud" would sound smoother to my ear as "Thrown in the mud". Apart from rappers and Dylanesque types, most singers enjoy lines that leave them some room to move.

It can be hard to comment on something as subjective as lyrics, but I like to find more "coloured" alternatives to standard words. So, rather than saying, "To get in my head" I'd go for "To mess with my head".

Given the Pearl Jam connection in your opening line I think "You made it black" would sound cooler as "You painted me black" :)

Keep at it and good luck. Nice to see drummers throwing in their two cents' worth.
Reply With Quote